before... feel like im losing control

[ChaosCat]

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
It won't change, but i will be able to get through it.

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It will bring new scars, new guilt. It will take away my being SI free for so long.

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to feel in control of this situation. SI will allow me to get through it, but in the long term take away my sense of control over it.

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
A few hours. By then the situation should be over

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
Ask my friend to leave. He is the one causing the stress that leads me to want to SI. I feel the need to answer to him. It won't change it for the long term but right now i dont feel strong enough to have the conversation that will take care of the long term.

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
guilty. like a failure. out of control. wont change tomorrow.

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
SI. I don't see anything else to get me through this

Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
Stressed out by an ex who is now a friend but wants to be more. I dont feel like i can handle this.

Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
I have been here before but just not this situation. I either cut or white knuckled it through the urge. I dont feel strong enough for that right now.

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I drank alcohol. I know that isnt really helpful. but im just trying to get through

How do I feel right now?
Frustrated. stressed. trapped. out of control

How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
relieved. calm

How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
immidietly after i will feel great. tomorrow there might be guilt, but im not looking that far ahead

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
yes i can avoid it. im just not ready for that conversation

Do I need to hurt myself?
need... maybe not, but want to

[sixtyfoothigh]

The transition of ex to friend is always really difficult. I've always found I need a great deal of space from the ex at first to make it work. I hope you figure something out. x