After (edited to include questions being answered)

[ChangeTheWorld]

i don't feel like answering the questions now.... i will edit this post and answer them all later, ok guys??? i just needed you to know i will be posting here as it's been a garbage night

have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
yup done it


what had happened just before?
anxiety attack stemming from stressful altercation with men at work

what were you thinking and feeling?
get the fuck out of there or something will happen... heart racing fear etc... then when came home flashbacks and extreme dirt


why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
just a build up of emotions... extreme build up...

how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
i don't think there was anything that could have prevented it, occaisions like this happen often in bars, but it was just more than i could take at that point given the recent experience i have had (see my place if you want to know what it was, i don't feel like going into it again)


were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how? i haven't been on meds for a while but i am going to see my doc regarding taking them again.


what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
i just tried to pretend it didn't happen... no real coping strategies employed... it was actually a total meltdown in coping

in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
trying to ground myself, talking to my boss

name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.


how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
i need to give the new south wales sexual assault service a call to talk about getting back into sexual assault counselling. *sighs*


are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
i'll be able to recognize it from the body signals, heart racing etc.

what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
hopefully i will have a counsellor to talk to by then.
i'll call my housemate or friend
try not to isolate myself

[sixtyfoothigh]

I think going back to the doctors is a really good idea.

S x

[ChangeTheWorld]

i'm not sold on the idea myself... i hate medication.. i feel it takes away my soul. *sighs* but i'd like to get over this hurdle

[sixtyfoothigh]

Could the doctor help you with referrals to counselling rather than medication then?

When you say it "takes your soul away" do you mean that a side effect of the medication makes you feel emotionally flat/empty? Because that's a side effect I've had before and maybe trying a smaller dose of medication or a different one would be better.

S x

[ChangeTheWorld]

i write a lot of poetry... and on meds i can't do that.. i feel like i am sapped of any creative energy and reduced to a shell.. nothing inside the shell, hence no soul. However, i've tried being on less of this drug and my symptoms feel almost no difference.

there are several meds for bipolar i am unable to take untill i've cleared the Hep C virus as they cause elevated liver function (sodium valproate is one of them and it's what i was on before i was diagnosed) so i've been put on zyprexa and it's just truly awful. I am going to try and see what happens as far as Hep C goes and if it's safe to take after i've got a reasonable seroconversion (that means the virus is gone)

[sixtyfoothigh]

That is a difficult situation to be in. I hope you manage to clear the Hep C soon. Until then I think it'll be a case of choosing the least bad option. So look at the pros and cons of meds and the pros and cons of not being on meds. Good luck! x

[ChangeTheWorld]

i agree...

[sixtyfoothigh]

Could you maybe try and turn it on it's head and instead of thinking of choosing the least bad option look at this in terms on choosing the best option for your long term health. If you think out the pros and cons of both you'll be empowering yourself to make a positive decision about your health care.

S x