Why do we lie to others and ourselves ?

Joseph · Post by **Joseph** » Sat Feb 28, 2009 3:48 pm

wikipedia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lie

10-common-reasons-to-lie-to-your-therapist
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2 ... -therapist

Lying by omission
One lies by omission by omitting an important fact, deliberately leaving another person with a misconception. Lying by omission includes failures to correct pre-existing misconceptions. A husband may tell his wife he was out at a store, which is true, but lie by omitting the fact that he also visited his mistress, although it is disputable whether or not this is actually a lie. In most cases, the person has not directly denied a truth, but merely omitted some part of what transpired.

I want to get better. I see a T. Why would I or anyone lie to someone we are actively seeking help with for sole purpose to help us to learn to be whole?

Anyone want to share their fears that they tell themselves why they lie?

ambivalent red · Post by **ambivalent red** » Sat Feb 28, 2009 5:15 pm

That was interesting.
I dont tell him alot of the truth because i use transference, I'm in love with him, I dont want him to judge me and i'm embarrassed.

Wow, i never really sat down and thought about it, but i always wondered why i did not tell him certain things.

Post by **Spidey** » Sun Mar 01, 2009 1:38 am

The truth leaves us vulnerable and open in ways that we either cannot or will not cope with.

Romola · Post by **Romola** » Mon Mar 02, 2009 5:39 pm

Well, I think sometimes I "manipulate appearances" because I'm afraid of hurting others. It's largely defensive. I feel too fragile to face their reactions, whatever those reactions might be.

kat11 · Post by **kat11** » Mon Mar 02, 2009 9:46 pm

it's something i've thought about before...

i think the main one is that i'm so used to lying. growing up, it was safer to lie than to tell the truth. i guess in a lot of situations, lying was coping mechanism. and it's one i still use.

i think another part is self-deception/denial. telling another person about certain things, in this case my t, just makes them too real. and i don't want to go there - even though i have to.

NobodyToYou · Post by **NobodyToYou** » Wed Mar 04, 2009 4:41 am

I omitted things because I was not sure I trusted the person enough to tell them. Other times it was because I was afraid of what the reaction could be... I didn't tell my supervisors about the SI because I didn't want to lose my job, even though I think they would have cared about me as a person.

Is it a lie that I don't tell the checkout girl when I am feeling depressed? Or is it just a normal social boundary, that we don't spill our guts to strangers when we aren't sure they care or when talking about those issues would be considered inappropriate?

With a T, it is certainly not "cost efficient" to lie or hide things. It makes the therapy less effective and I wasn't getting as much as I could have from each session. But it is also a normal thing to need to build trust with someone before talking about the more sensitive areas... doing otherwise is a big emotional risk, even if it makes sense financially. So...yes, in the long run, it only makes sense to work with a T if you are willing to talk to them. But in the short run...that is a process, not something that happens instantly or automatically, especially if we have a lot of practice at NOT talking about those things.

purplefroggydishwasher · Post by **purplefroggydishwasher** » Mon Mar 16, 2009 4:15 am

I lie to fit in with other's perceptions of me. In the Guiding World, I am pretty much superwoman. Never gets angry, can do anyhitng, one hell of a pain tolerence.

Other times I don't tell the truth because it is not required or inapropriate. Take Guiding as an example. I could ahve been sans sleep for a few days but I rock up, little girls ask me how I am... 'I'm great, how are you?'

Also for self presevation... eg Pdoc asks how I'm feeling. I want to do some very not cool suicidal things, yet I say I am fine. Or how my newest med is affecting me. I want to stay on it, despite the hardcore side effects. So they get omitted or downplayed.

Lying I feel keeps me in control, I get what I need/want. People can't use the truth against me.

Yep, I lie a lot

badgirl22 · Post by **badgirl22** » Fri Apr 03, 2009 11:12 pm

I lie because I am afraid of what the people will think if I tell the truth. I lie to not get into trubble. I lie because it is just easier then the truth. I don't lie here but I do lie to my H. sometimes and I do lie to my T. sometimes. Now she seems to know when i lie so it is getting harder to do so without feel guilty.
-Badgirl22

Joseph · Post by **Joseph** » Wed Apr 15, 2009 3:09 am

I lie because I want people to like me. Not here thou. People like me here for reasons that are their own which I do not understand. It is ok not to understand

bus

Why do we lie to others and ourselves ?

Why do we lie to others and ourselves ?

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