before

[brknflight]

* how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?

The situation will stay the same but I'll feel better facing it. Less stress more in control.

* what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?

Cutting will loosen up all my pent up anxiety for a while, let me feel like I can cope with life a bit better. It will take me away from all this BS for a while where I can just be me and just hurt. It will give me a physical hurt instead of an emotional hurt- something to say this is how I feel.

* how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?

I want to feel whole, competent. I want to be content if not peaceful. It will bring me closer tonight but tomorrow it will be just another failure just another crisis to have to deal with.

* if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?

It will last until I stop bleeding, until I am bandaged up. Afterward the guilt will come in I'll have to worry about scars.

* what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?

I could take a hot shower and just soak in it. That will last until the shower is done. Afterwards I can try to go to bed. Maybe read.

* how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?

Tomorrow I'll feel more burdened with my new scars if I cut but feel better able to deal with life for a while. If I don't cut I'll have all the same stress and no better handle on it. I feel like I'm going downhill fast and cutting will temporarily stop that descent(until it starts again, that is). If I don't cut I'll still be going downhill. I'll still have all my stresses.

* what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

I really want to cut. I can honor that instinct by not cutting and just taking a shower and going to bed.



urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

More Before Questions To Answer


* Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?

I feel like I was dismissed today (twice) told what I was feeling wasn't what I was supposed to feel. I've been so fearful lately. I'm having nightmares and panic attacks in the day time. I keep on thinking my Dad is going to die and everyone tells me not to think that. I keep on hurting and more stresses just keep piling up. I had a bad experience with my neighbor which made me feel like and idiot and when I finally opened up to my dad, he just dismissed me.

* Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?

Somewhat. I've been at this level of stress before but different circumstances. I cut then to feel a temporary relieve before the world kicked back again. Eventually I cut so much I was hospitalized.

* What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?

I've been staying at my desk surfing the internet and not getting up to SI. I can take that shower and try to read. I'm afraid that I'll do that and still need to cut. Then I will have failed twice.

* How do I feel right now?

Twitchy. My skin itches where I want to cut. I can feel another panic attack coming on soon it's hard to breathe.

* How will I feel when I am hurting myself?

Peaceful, detached.

* How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?

I will feel both better and worse. I will feel better in control for a while and a bit more calm but I will also feel guilty for cutting and have another stress (my wound) to take care of.

* Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?

I can't avoid the major stressor. I don't know how to deal with it better than I already am.

* Do I need to hurt myself?

I'm going to log off and take a shower but I still feel like I need to cut. It's so hard right now.

[sixtyfoothigh]

* What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?

I've been staying at my desk surfing the internet and not getting up to SI. I can take that shower and try to read. I'm afraid that I'll do that and still need to cut. Then I will have failed twice.

You won't have failed twice... choosing to do something to fight the urge is a success even if you still want to SI afterwards.

S x