before I launch on my journey to saga

[Spidey]

<b>* how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?</b>

I will feel less nervous, and probably quit catastrophizing that the universe is going to collapse all around me.

<b>* what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?</b>

Bring: A sense of calm. I guess. Before I walk in there and take the exam tomorrow.
Take away: SI-free time, the knowledge that I heretofore could get through difficult situations without SI

<b>* how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?</b>

Relieved, and no different, because the big nasty test will still be there if I hurt myself.

<b>* if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?</b>

It depends...I'll probably sleep.

<b>* what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?</b>

Eat. Watch House or a TMN live. Sleep. Inform mother that Wrigley weed on the chair again. It will last long enough until I sleep.

<b>* how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?</b>

I'll be bummeda bout it likely. Then just brush it off. If I sleep and do other stuff I'll be happy that I got through another time without SI again.

<b>* what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?</b>

JUST TAKE THIS TEST AND GET IT OVER WITH!!!!!

More Before Questions To Answer

<b>* Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?</b>

Insane, extreme, overwhelming anxiety. I don't deal well with stress. What has brought me to this point: CISCO.

<b>* Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?</b>

I've had test anxiety and what I did was study to help relieve it. I have done that and I am still freaking out. So I am kind of lost now =/

<b>* What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?</b>

I've studied. I can eat (I am hungry), watch House, inform mother that Wrigley weed on the chair again, and sleep.

<b>* How do I feel right now?</b>

Emotionally exhausted and extremely, extremely anxious

<b>* How will I feel when I am hurting myself?</b>

I usually don't feel

<b>* How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?</b>

Relieved. I'll be able to sleep. Tomorrow morning I'll probably feel dumb =/

<b>* Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?</b>

I can't avoid it but I sure as heck could use better ways of dealing with it =/

<b>* Do I need to hurt myself?</b>

No, but I <i>do</i> need to eat. =/ :: hungry ::

[fire.bird]

electric prophet,

i've been kind of following your CISCO worries over the past several days, because i'm in the middle of some pretty intense exams, myself ... not THE big exam of everything, but one "this will determine the course of your graduate education" one, definitely. and this really struck me:

the big nasty test will still be there if I hurt myself.

yup. very much so. and i don't know if you're like me or not ... this might not be true for you ... but for me, the anxiety still would, too. SI would probably relieve it enough to sleep. but for me, i wake up and it just comes back and back, until i take the test and get it over with. and i suspect that might be true for you, also.

keep hanging in there. got my fingers crossed for you. and remember that, like you said above, you've done the best you could do. you've studied your a*!? off. now you've just make it through taking the thing, and you'll be home free.


~b

[Spidey]

I passed my test.

And I did NOT SI.

So woo bonuses

(And good luck to you, too, fire.bird)

[fire.bird]

WOOHOO!!!




that's fanstastic!!!

methinks you should go do something really nice for yrself, to celebrate.


~b