Before..

[WorkDaySarcasm]

# how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?

I will feel as if it's a mark of something new, a change, the anger will disperse.

I might feel awkward and embarrassed about myself generally while cleaning myself and any mess made up.

# what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?

It will bring physical sign I'm struggling to feel comfortable with myself.

Shame over that sign.

# how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?

The consequences of hurting where I want to hurt are many and will make things harder in the long run.
It will also be a unhelpful and bad example to someone.

If I SI in the usual place the consequence won't be so high...but it wouldn't make me as feel better.

# if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?

Only tonight. Maybe less.

# what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?

Work. I need to do it, It will make things easier later on if I do. it will last for an hour or two.

Art, Hours...but it could stop me from winding down and sleeping.

# how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?

If I SI my arms...sick with fear someone will notice, so sick I could actually throw up.

If other place..just more aware of myself.

If I do work, content, slightly proud I did work earlier (I never do.)

# what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
Go to the gym, I can't.
I'll feel pain and change in a different way.

Sleep. But too uptight to sleep.

[han]

hey
im not sure when you posted this but I hope you are ok...
some art and/or walk and/or talking might help?
here for you
hugs
han x

[WorkDaySarcasm]

Usually whenever I'm urgey, I can't go out for a walk simply since often it's late/at night.

But yeah they are things I can do,
thanks han

[han]

i pace around my (tiny) flat a lot if it is too late to go out...

hugs
han x