before

[ambivalent red]

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
It will take me away for a bit.

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation? I can concentrate on the pain, not the situation.


how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I dont want to feel out of control. SI ing will get me closer to that feeling because only I can control it.


if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
It wont last long. I will cry next and emotionaly shut down. Eventually I will need to cut to feel again.


what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I could do the work my boss asked for. But, regardless of what I do, he will never be happy. He is predictabley unpredictable, I am not sure how long his tantrum will last, but I'm more concerened of my reaction to his reaction.


how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I will have to hide the new cut from my husband which is not easy. If I do my work, my boss is LESS LIKELY to yell, but I think Im ata point of no return with him.


what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I want to get out of the fear of speaking to him today.
I could call my T, I could just tell my boss to fuck off, but them Id be fired.
I can read my book but Im concerned about his reactions and that will trigger a very bad reaction from me.
This questions has me torn...