Before

[Stefani140]

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I won't be as nervous and worried and upset.


what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
I may be able to concentrate on work instead of just worrying. but I know I'll feel sooooo bad about cutting at work.

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
In the long run I just want to feel content and happy. Ultimately cutting will take me away from that as I'll just get more upset next time to give myself an excuse to cut.


if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
Maybe a few days. Then I will probably want to cut again once the worried feelings returned.

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I could hang out on BUS or talk to some of my friends on msn. It will distract me until I get to my T appt this evening and then I can deal with it more constructively.

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I know if I cut I'll feel guilty tomorrow, I'll feel guilty and ashamed that I wasn't strong enough to fight it. It I talk to someone I will probably be happy I did tomorrow as it kept me safe.

what do i really want to do right now?
Really I want to stop thinking so much...its overwhelming and I can't stop it. I don't want to cut, but I know it will stop my brain from working so hard right now.

Why do I feel I need to hurt myself?
Because I know it will work. I know it will stop the feelings and thoughts I'm having.

What has brought me to this point?
being so overwhelmed with worry for the last week or so. I can't stop thinking about it, even though I want to.


What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I have talked to my boyfriend and posted a lot on BUS. I can talk to some of my other friends. I can call my T for a little pep talk before our appointment later.


How do I feel right now?
overwhelmed, frustrated, upset, scared, worried.

How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
relieved

How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
I know I will feel ashamed and embarassed and guilty.

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I can hope that Steve never gets arrested or has to deal with court again. Or talk about it more with my T, instead of lying and saying everything is fine.

Do I need to hurt myself?
no, even though I really want to

[Stefani140]

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I will be able to stop thinking about it and concentrate on my work. I will be calmer and more relaxed for awhile.

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
I will stop going over and over and over it in my head, which is accomplishing nothing. but I will have to handle a new cut while at work, which is really hard.

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
probably only a few hours, then I will want to cut again.

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself?
I can try calling my T and talk to her. I can find some other way to cause myself some pain without being so destructive. I can take a quick break from work and go for a walk.

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself?
I'll feel ashamed of myself, and guilty about having yet more scars to hide from everyone.

what do i really want to do right now?
I want to stop seeing the blood and cuts in my head, I want to stop going over it. And I want to talk to Steve, because I know I will feel better for a little while then.

Why do I feel I need to hurt myself?
I think I'm frustrated about something that happened yesterday, and I think I've allowed myself to think that cutting is my best option right now. And I've been concentrating too much on other people, and not enough on making sure I can stay safe.

How do I feel right now?
frustrated, scared, nervous, anxious, anticipatory

Do I need to hurt myself?
yes, I really really do...but I will wait until lunch and see how I feel then. I really don't want to, but I need to.