After =(

[Eisa]

If only I'd remembered about here BEFORE...

• have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
  Yes.
• what had happened just before?
  A lot of things. Feeling really sad and then people contributing to that in one fell swoop. *sighs*
• what were you thinking and feeling?
  That I am utterly worthless and a total failure, and completely unneeded by anyone.
• why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
  My sister telling me that I'm "not needed" when she was the one who wanted me to GO with her to the stupid clinic in the first place!
• how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
  I already felt depressed and wanted to be in hiding. My friends on this online chat thing wouldn't *let* me hide. And already felt exhausted from this weekend having to be around people the whole time. So on top of that, people saying it was my fault (jokingly) for something, and then my sister... I guess told her how that made me feel. Or realize that it was just a joke with my friends and everything.
• were there outside factors like drugs, alcohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
  Maybe a little bit of lack of sleep because I didn't get as much as normal last night. Also worried about history test.
  ~~And my hormones. I didn't realize that time of the month was coming up. :rolleyes: And my emotions ALWAYS go really wacky!~~
• what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
  I tried talking to several different friends, distracting myself with various things online, eating chocolate. They were working fairly well at at least keeping me stable until all my friends had to leave.
• in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
  There probably were. I could have sought out more distractions. Or made a new friend...like I am right now.
• name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
  I will remind myself that I haven't exhausted everything yet, and that there is always something else to try. It is not all futile.
• how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
  I still feel rotten--only now more rotten because now I feel guilty and awful about self-harming again. No, it's not really resolved, but I'm not sure how to resolve it. I don't know how to articulate it well enough out loud.
• are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
  Yes. I guess just be wary of stuff around my sister and when I'm already feeling fragile...since I can usually tell. I guess take good care of myself when I feel fragile?
• what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
  I will commit to trying to reach at least 2 or 3 friends, depending on what time of day/night it is; using the distractions forum on BUS, and finding online coloring pages, because I know that sometimes that helps with mindless concentration kind of stuff (if that made any sense).