before

tools to help you assess your urges before you give in to them, and to help you understand and learn from slips after they happen. by posting here, you're saying that you are serious about exploring the feelings behind your self-harm in depth, whether you're ready to stop hurting yourself or not. to request posting access, click usergroups above and join before and after.

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WhaleCounter
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before

Post by WhaleCounter » Sun Aug 31, 2008 9:46 pm

Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
  • how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
    it won't change. i will only keep the hysterical feelings at bay for a time.
  • what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
    i will be able to stay away from this pain today.
    i keep breaking promises i can't keep.
  • how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
    i suppose i'd like to get to a place where i am not constantly thinking about SI. To a place where i can actually think of my ex and not feeling such horrible pain. Cutting will momentarily get my closer to this feeling, but not in the long run.
  • if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
    i don't know. maybe minutes, maybe hours. at least thru the day. thru this awful six year annivesary day. am seeing a friend in a few hrs...stay safe until then.
  • what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
    i tried using ice. it isn't as effective because i don't feel anything but cold. it doesn't take the edge off. i could call someone but i don't want to. i am tired of everyone feeling bad for me. this is just my life now. nothings going to change it unless i do. no one can help me but me.
  • how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
    tomorrow i probably won't care. i just don't know how much i care about it all.
  • what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

i just want to curl up and cry and make this pain leave me. i suppose i could try to watch tv or make something to eat...distract myself.

urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

More Before Questions To Answer
  • Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
    because it is our 6 yr anniversary but he's left me. doesn't want me anymore, can't commit to our relationship.
  • Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
    Yes, so many times it seems in the past year. Sometimes i would call people just to get my mind off things. Other times i would distract myself. i am too tired to go out though. i guess i'd feel better cuz the pain would pass.
  • What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
    i wrote about it in place. i tried suggestions i have learned in T. i need to keep thinking and feeling and trusting that eventually the pain will subside. just have to get thru it.
  • How do I feel right now?
    calmer.
  • How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
    guilty. relieved. sad. hurting. angry.
  • How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
    feeling like it's inevitable. i have no power over myself.
  • Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
    can't avoid it unless you didn't have a brain.
    i keep thinking every year i will have to go thru this. i don't know maybe next year it won't hurt so much.
  • Do I need to hurt myself?

no of course not. but i want to. i will try to do the other things on my list now.

Remember you don't have to answer all the questions if you don't feel up to it.
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sixtyfoothigh
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Post by sixtyfoothigh » Mon Sep 01, 2008 10:59 am

i need to keep thinking and feeling and trusting that eventually the pain will subside. just have to get thru it.
True. I'm going through a break up at the moment... knowing this doesn't make it any easier, but it is true. The pain will lessen with time.

Thinking of you.

S x
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