Post
by xStarBright » Mon Aug 18, 2008 11:27 pm
Long post..
Eh, I guess this is a hard one. How did this happen? Two years ago we were inseperable. Now it's a "hey" on MSN, and waiting shit scared if you'll reply. I know I messed you about a lot, and there's absolutely no excuse for that. But I was messed up, y'know, and I'm a lot better now, I promise. You were great. It's strange how you used to know all my secrets, and now.. Now I'm scared of giving away anything personal. But you've no idea how much I regret this, and being a bitch after it. I guess your faults were just too much for me, and I'm way too protective. I don't think I split because I was insecure, or that I hated you. That was temporary, believe me. I don't know what it was.. I guess I got cold feet, which is a horrible thing to say and have, I'm so sorry. I can't believe you've changed though. I thought you'd be like that forever, but now you're not. And you have new friends, a new school. Wow! If you've changed so much, why do I feel such a loss? When I'm lonley, I pine for you. But I guess it's how I felt about you, not how you are now. It's just hard to come to terms with - someone I could be myself with, and suddenly that all taken away. And all my fault. If I'd have said this 2 years ago, you would have helped me. If I dare say this to you now, you'll be embarresed and change the subject. I still miss you after that time - and I often wonder if I've made the wrong dicision. It still haunts me, and because it's been so long, I honestly think I have.. I don't think I'll ever get close to anyone else - because everyone else isn't you. And it's you a loved. I feel like I'm running in circles though, because I think I'm maybe possibly over you - but then you come online, and I think of you, and remember thing's. I can remember your speed of eating, your favourite animal, mobile number, favourite colour, amount of milk you drink, your opinion on people, your intrest in dreams, exact dialog of conversations we had when we were texting.. And after I'm so sure I could probably possibly be over you, I slip straight back to square one. But I would love to be your friend. You were so amazing, I can never find another you, because I blew it. When I was with you, nothing mattered. As soon as I lost you, I went back to being stupid, thick, ugly, fat, useless little annie, that nobody would ever care about in their wildest dreams. But, I would like to purge a few feelings, and say some thing's before I can let you go in my head. To put thing's at peace maybe;
I'm sorry, I really am, there was absolutely no excuse for messing you about. I was out of order, there was never anything wrong with you. Please undertand & believe that, because I mean it.
I loved you, I love you, and I probably always will love you, in a way. But that's okay. It's not a bad kind of love, is it? I don't think it will torment me anymore, but it has always been the warm kind of love. I don't think it will intefere with anything, I just want you to know.
I also wanted to share this quote with you - "I've never been a saint and I won't start tonight."
It's strange for me to grasp that you've changed, but I hope you do well, and wish you every success in life. Wait, scratch that, I know you will be a success. You already are, you are you.
I will not stop talking to you, but in a weird kind of sense; goodbye. (:
I think I can work on moving on now.
don't worry if i'm not here - i come and go.
place
the disco cow 
