Before (panicking) *LA/SI*

tools to help you assess your urges before you give in to them, and to help you understand and learn from slips after they happen. by posting here, you're saying that you are serious about exploring the feelings behind your self-harm in depth, whether you're ready to stop hurting yourself or not. to request posting access, click usergroups above and join before and after.

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infectiousbrain89
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Before (panicking) *LA/SI*

Post by infectiousbrain89 » Thu Jun 19, 2008 7:01 am

Before:

Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
  • how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
    I don't know,I can't handle this.I just can't handle this feeling.I can't breathe.I'll be able to relax,instead of panic.
  • what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation? Relief,calm,it will bring me back to reality.
    It will take away my 8 monthes,and the struggles I've been having the past few weeks will have been for nothing.
  • how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
    I just want to feel safe and OK and I don't feel anywhere near either.
  • if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then? I can't think,I don't know.
  • what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then? I don't know,make a bracelet,but I already did that today and it didnt help.
  • how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with? I can't think that far,but I'm sure i will feel like crap but at least not as bad as I feel right now.
  • what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

I really want to just fucking do it.Just a little.


urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

More Before Questions To Answer
  • Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point? Thinking too much,Looking at pictures of S and reading his blog made me feel hopeless and alone.
  • Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then? I don't know,not this bad.I don't know how to deal with this,really I am panicked.
  • What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me? I tried to cry but I can't,and I am trying to breathe,but I can't do that either.
  • How do I feel right now? Like I really want to talk to someone but I am all alone.
  • How will I feel when I am hurting myself? shitty and confused.
  • How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning? I don't know.Probably shitty and confused.
  • Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future? Stay the hell away from S.
  • Do I need to hurt myself?
No,but I don't know what else to do.I feel trapped.
Last SI 12-2-07 yippee!

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~*^*~Chiisa na chikyuu ga mawaru hodo yasashisa mi ni tsuku yo.Mo ichido anata o dakishimetai dekiru dake sotto~*^*~

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