I have. Bleeding stopped and I cleaned the area.
[*]what had happened just before?
I was writing. I couldn't think about anything. I saw the tool and picked it up. I came on to check my place and someone mentioned this. I fucked up and couldn't post before.
[*]what were you thinking and feeling?
I couldn't think anymore. Nothing was working. Everything was on at once. I think I was getting angry. I was mad. I was really mad, I think, but I'm not sure. I wanted everything to shut up for a minute.
[*]why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it? I wanted everything to shut up for a minute. usergroup rule. Is a good rule but I missed it. I fucked up. Said I might have to wait a day when I tried to post, wait for a mod to give me access. I couldn't wait a day.
[*]how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw. If I had been more thorough in reading the forum, I would have known what I had to do to join.
[*]were there outside factors like drugs, alcohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how? I don't think so. Sleep maybe. Too much today; made me feel loopy.
[*]what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work? Let the dog out, petted her. Paced for a while. Swore. Do those count? They didn't help very much.
[*]in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they? This one maybe.
[*]name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
I will copy these questionnaires to my jump drive and keep them with me.
I will bookmark the page so I can get here quicker.
I already joined the usergroup. Does that count?
[*]how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution? The last straw is. The...what I was writing isn't. I gotta publish the book, the series. Need to put it down.
[*]are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation? Yes. I don't really know how I'll recognize it.
[*]what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
[/list] I will try get outside, get away from the PC for a bit.
I will use the forum.
I will roll cigarettes or something. Keep my hands busy.
About Opportunities to SI
Opportunity to Self-Harm seems to be a common theme. Think about why opportunities are important to slips and learn why opportunity is important to you.
- What made that opportunity more appealing than any other? I was alone. I was alone and I knew it would work.
- Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking? It was there.
- What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge? I would have made one. Gone to the bathroom, something.
- If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased? Increased.
- What constitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling? Being alone. Feeling. I only have 1 tool...I don't like using others.
- If your opportunities were taken away, how would you feel?
