I was just wondering about those of you who are cutters, when do you seek medical treatment? By the time I started effective therapy I had already been cutting and getting stitches for more than 10 years, and after being hospitalized for pretty much all of my teenage years, I refused to go to the hospital to get stitches or proper medical care. The first gain I made in therapy after three years was to agree just to get proper medical care, lol. Anyway, I'll move on to the spoiler part below, lol
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OK so before seeing my therapist of 11 years (who is now gone forever due to a serious illness... blah) I would never go to the hospital for fear of getting committed, and because they just did NOT "get it" back then (and still don't most of the time) and were just so mean and rude. I still remember clearly being looked at with pure disgust while a doctor gave me a LOT stitches without any lidocaine, to "teach me a lesson" while he then went to the curtain next to me and treated the drunk guy who passed out and cracked his head open (needing a few stitches, plus he was sloppy drunk so he probably wouldn't have felt the few little stitches he was whining about anyway... but that guy got lidocaine and didn't need a "lesson" apparently, lol). Anyway, I just started making sure the wounds were super clean, pinching them together and using super strong "breathable" sterile tape... and NOT taking the tape off for at least 2 weeks, and wounds that should have had stitches did pretty well that way.
Here's the issue... taking care of wounds that needed stitches became dangerous for me. I honestly have no area on either upper forearm that isn't covered with scars, actually layers of scars. They have a hard time even stitching them because the needles don't want to go through, and then that much scar tissue, rather than normal elastic skin, tends to not heal, or simply pop stitches out. Anyway, for me at least, even though there is some risk with stitches, there is a LOT more risk without them, and when I cut it is NOT the same as being suicidal. In the past I've had staph infections leading to septic blood infections which almost killed me, which was NOT at all my intention. I meant to cut and bandage up or get stitches, NOT end up in intensive care fighting for my life from an infection that came about later.
So anyway, I noticed on here most people don't tend to go get stitches for wounds that you can take care of on your own, even though "normal" people would get stitches for such cuts. (no offense there, just meaning people cut in an accident, lol) How do you all decide, other than if you accidentially hit an artery (yes, then I pretty much know going to the hospital is a must) WHEN you absolutely must go?
I'll be honest with you, I'm struggling here, making it day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, after a solid year of being SI free (never more than a week of being free of THINKING of SI... grrr). The thing is, I no longer have my "get out of jail free card" - the therapist the emergency room could call who would tell them to let me go and explain things. The truth is I know I'm going to slip up... I keep putting it off, but I can feel it just taking me over. And for me, getting stitches in wounds that require it is a must, or at least a very strong "should" because I've had too many infections, and because of the way the skin on my arms now is. I know... logical solution- just do it somewhere else (calves are covered too:-( ... but we all have our rituals and if I slip up, which I'm expecting, I'll be disassociative anyway, and I know it will be my arms.
I don't know whyyyy I'm even bothering to post this. But what do you all do when you DO have to go to the hospital and NEED to be let out? *Usually* I could always get let out on my own, but there were times when somebody stupid was there and I absolutely needed my psychologist to get out, they would call him and with much pressure on his part, let me out. Now that I have no psychologist as "back up" I am SO scared of some idiot thinking that committing me against my will for 72 hours is going to cure the problem after 20 years, but certainly don't want to end up in the ICU with a septic blood infection either. Blah. I've got 4 kids - older two are in school during the day, but the 2 year old twins are home and *nobody* can take care of the autistic one but me, honestly. I can't be away from home, and hubby can't miss work. And... isn't the fact that I'm so damn rational about all of this just proof that I should be OVER this crap after all this time? OK, sorry for the rant, and... again, any suggestions on how to explain to people who do NOT get it at all that for some people cutting is NOT a suicide attempt and locking me up won't help. (for me at least, once I've done it pretty badly and need a bunch of stitches, I almost never did it again within 72 hours anyway!!! ... smaller cuts, yeah, they were daily when I was younger... but once it's done it's done for me... locking me up and giving me plastic spoons instead of regular eating utensils isn't going to fix me!!!!)
