write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
- how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
It won't change. He was born like that, and besides, I'm not hurt or angry or anything.. I'm still in shock, and I'm also relieved. These should be positive emotions.. - what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It will bring relief, but in a different way. I was put out of my comfort zone, hurting myself will put me back in a familiar place, distract me. ..it will make me feel worse, take away those months free.. - how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I don't want to feel anything, other than comfortable with this new information. Hurting myself is going to put me closer to comfort, but probably push me further away from comfort as I'm going to hate myself for SIing.. - if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
Relief will last for.. anything between 15minutes to the next morning. afterwards, I don't know what I'd do. Probably SI again? - what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I could just do ntohing. Distract myself, talk to myself to keep my head straight and mind organized. I could sketch or finish my science homework. it should last a couple hours until I fall asleep. - how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
tomorrow, i'll probably feel angry at myself. I'll also feel ashamed and more depressed, because my mum will hug me and say that she loves me and I'll be living a lie again. If I do the other stuff, I'll feel more accomplished because I'll actually have some homework done, or at least okay if I distract myself. - what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I really want to rest somewhere safe and in my comfort zone. I need my mum.