Bad Memories

silent_end · Post by **silent_end** » Fri Mar 21, 2008 5:08 am

It seem like every time i go home something goes wrong. i seem to re-live bad memories and of course that makes me feel like crap. i hate the fact that even though i have an anxiety problem i can't tell my parents and it something like this that i need their support in. i hate that i can't deal with my academic stress but i am not willing to reduce it because i think i feel like a failure. sometimes i get extensions on papers because i am unable to meet the dealine due to my anxiety and i feel like shit. i feel like i don't deserve the extension and that i should be able to handle it and that i'm just F*ing around because it takes me longer when i do get the extension its just frustrating because while my parents think that i am doing ok and everything is fine, it not and i hate myself for hiding that but its not and at time is feel SU and being at home like i am right now increases the risk of me being SU i don't know what i am going to do when i am home for the summer but i just can't bring myself to burden my parents with my crap and my stupid petty little problems that don't even matter when they are trying to support three kids through university and maintain the same lifestyle we have always had. My problems are insignificant and therefore i feel like i should just reduce their burden and end it now SU ... sometimes i think life is not worth living anymore

funkymusic · Post by **funkymusic** » Fri Mar 21, 2008 4:52 pm

Sorry, I'm low on words right now.

But I know you are worth it.

Lena

Keep holding on. You can PM me if you want.

Licentia Poetica · Post by **Licentia Poetica** » Fri Mar 21, 2008 11:18 pm

why can't you tell your parents? lots of people struggle with anxiety.

why don't you deserve extensions? I get extensions a lot. Anxiety/ depression is an illness like any other, and it isn't your fault.

Maybe you'd feel less like a failure if you had a small amount of work that you were enjoying and doing well in.

Have you talked to a doc about your anxiety?

maybe this could help http://buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=108906

silent_end · Post by **silent_end** » Sat Mar 22, 2008 3:37 am

Yeah i have medication for it but its more for intense moments where i can't calm myself down enough to think. It stops me from acting on impulse but as far as helping me with work it doesn't... it could be because i am not used to it but I'm not sure and i can't tell my parents because they don't agree with medication or Therapists so I'm left to deal with this on my own. I feel like if i don't have the recommended 5 classes then i am not pushing myself to my full capacity and i know i can do it i just need to find a way to balance school and all the other stuff that is happening in my life. and i just think that i should be able to handle the workload like everyone else, i mean there are other people with worse s***t than me and they can handle the workload so why can't i.. i mean its not like i don't have the academic ability or capacity i do its just that other shit gets in my way and stuff.

disastercake · Post by **disastercake** » Sat Mar 22, 2008 4:38 am

it's nice you can get extensions on papers. i always tell people and myself when someone thinks their problems are insignificant that if they're bad enough to bother you then they're not insignificant at all.

silent_end · Post by **silent_end** » Sat Mar 22, 2008 4:51 am

I know but sometimes i think that maybe they are not so bad and I'm just blowing them out of proportion and i should just suck it up and deal with it. I shouldn't feel SU and i shouldn't SI and i shouldn't need meds to deal with it but i do and it comes and goes in waves somedays i am perfectly fine and others i feel like shit and today has been one of those crappy days.. any little thing sends me to tears and i don't even know why.... i feel more vulnerable at home when i should feel safe??? how the F**K is that normal??? Home is supposed to be my safe place, its where my parents are, its where i feel loved and secure... but i don't feel that anymore... instead the littlest thing sets me off and i'm constantly hiding from my parents and i still feel loved but at the same time i just want to sit down next to my parents and ball my eyes out and not have to say anything but for them to just hold me and for me to know that they love me no matter what happens but i can't have that and i'll never have that and its a choice i've made and i have to deal with

disastercake · Post by **disastercake** » Sat Mar 22, 2008 5:10 am

i feel more vulnerable at home. it's where i get criticized the most and where i'm alone the most

silent_end · Post by **silent_end** » Sat Mar 22, 2008 5:14 am

Yeah and with everything I'm dealing with i can't handle it and i end up getting upset and of course my parents don't understand why so they assume its b/c of w/e they asked me to do but in reality its usually not that...i just hope that come summer when i don't have to deal with school stress everything will be ok

Twilight · Post by **Twilight** » Sat Apr 12, 2008 3:41 pm

Don't say your not worth it, you are and you do have alot to deal with. I understand how you feel about not telling your parents, Im the same way. I feel like i don't want them to go into overdrive worrying about me but then other times i feel and know i can't get through it alone. If you need extra support or just want to talk message me K? good luck and i hope everything works out for you

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Bad Memories

Bad Memories

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