write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
- how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
The situation in itself won’t change, but this edginess and feeling of lack of control will ease up. - what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It’ll enable me to function, be calm … the “care factor” - how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to feel like I’m worth something, I’m good enough. I’m in control. Probably not … - if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
Until the next emotionally demanding situation arises. Hyde, feel ashamed and disgusted at my ability to hurt myself and I’ll end up beating myself up and yet again I’ll do this – asking myself why I shouldn’t SI? - what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I could go to bed. It will prevent me from hurting myself, but in the morning the amount of work will be just the same. Just keep going again
- how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
Disappointed, worthless and like a failure. OK at first, but as the day progresses the pressure will be picking up just the same. - what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
Just be held and cared for, with no expectations, but then again – I don’t allow anybody to get close enough for something as simple as a hug … I don’t know, really I don’t.
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.
More Before Questions To Answer
- Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I’m overwhelmed and under a lot of pressure. People for some reason have this idea that I can do wonders in seconds and not being able to get things done fast enough and as a result having it pile up. I’m falling behind in everything, in life, in work … just everything. - Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
Yes, cut … I’m not worth anything, like a failure for not being able to see it through. - What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
Breathe and just keep going. - How do I feel right now?
Edgy, why do I even bother, I’ll never be able to meet his standards or anybody else’s for that matter. - How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
I’m able to distance myself from the physical pain and as a result feel like I’m in control. - How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
I deserved it for failing so this is what I get. - Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
Work harder, put in some extra time. - Do I need to hurt myself?
Need – no, want – yes
thus 'want' and not 'need'... an easy escape, but that's going to