before...

tools to help you assess your urges before you give in to them, and to help you understand and learn from slips after they happen. by posting here, you're saying that you are serious about exploring the feelings behind your self-harm in depth, whether you're ready to stop hurting yourself or not. to request posting access, click usergroups above and join before and after.

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han
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before...

Post by han » Wed Mar 19, 2008 5:44 pm

Before You Self-Harm
how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
***i will feel better for a short period, then I will feel worse***

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
***it will give me temporary relief, allow me to stop struggling against the urges and a time out. It will take away my strength in not doing it***

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
***further - just want to feel normal***

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
***it might calm me for a few hours. then i will freak out. the cuts will make me feel physically sick. i will wake up a thousand times in the night hoping it was a bad dream***

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
***i could try to talk to my friend, but i dont want to freak him out and I dont feel like i have a valid reason for feeling like this. i could just try to stay at my desk and act like all is ok. i want to cry***

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
***i will feel guilty, sick with shame and will have caused more probs for myself in the long run***

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
***i want to acknowledge that i feel bad. I FEEL BAD***

Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
***stress, jobs, supporting friend who si's and doesnt even know that i did, tiredness, confusion about relationships, mostly im knackered***

Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
***in the past i have cut. or just used my nails to cause some pain. or slept but that is not an option for several hours***

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
***been on bus, posted here, replied to some posts, tried to feel supported on here, mentioned it in passing to my friend***

How do I feel right now?
***bad***

How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
***calm, dissociated, focused on what i am doing and nothing else***

How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
***guilty and shameful, like mini ptsd***

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
***try to find a way to talk about it, wish friend was closer so I could talk to him, have a hug, cry and feel better***

Do I need to hurt myself?
***i dont need to, i just want to***

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Post by caged bird » Fri Mar 21, 2008 1:13 am

it's good that you seem to be able to see that the SI will only be a temporary solution and that it isn't what you want in the long run. wether you have a valid reason or not for feeling the way you do, you are feeling it, so perhaps talking to your friend would be a good thing?

hope you're feeling a bit better now and have got a good nights sleep.
xx
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han
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Post by han » Fri Mar 28, 2008 5:14 pm

thank you so much for replying. knowing that someone read what I was thinking and took the time to think and reply means a lot. I talked to my friend in the end - feel so much better for talking, I have realised I am not as far forward as I thought, but I have support to get there now :-)
x
and I did that without cutting, although some deep scratches... so I am counting that as a success

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