slips are chances to learn. you figure out what stresses are still too hard for you and you can work on how you'll deal with them next time you run into them. so instead of beating yourself up, take action.
- have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
Taken care of. But i HATe doing that bit - what had happened just before?
It felt like my insides were rotting away with despair. - what were you thinking and feeling?
Like every single thing about me was bad. That I deserved to be hurt. - why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
The 'event' was my thoughts. - how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
I could not have stayed in bed so late so I was already thinking bad thoughts about my decision not to get on with things. - were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
Not this time I don't think. But drugs is always an issue. If I'm not on them I want them, and if I'm on them I want more but hate myself. - what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
i tried thinking my way out of things. But not very hard. - in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
Getting moving would have helped shift my brain focus. - name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
Leave my bedroom door open so the cats can wake me up and pester me out of bed when I'm not working that day. Or if I forget beforehand I'll get up and open the door. Does that count as 2 things? - how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
I see no resolution. I'm a worthless evil cunt.
- are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
I recognise it but feel like I deserve it.
- what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
Stroking the cats.
Putting some tunes on.
About Opportunities to SI
Opportunity to Self-Harm seems to be a common theme. Think about why opportunities are important to slips and learn why opportunity is important to you.
I 'miss' opportunities to cut when I want to because I'm at work. So it feels like when I'm not at work I might as well take advantage of the opportunity.
- What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
Alone. - Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
It was there without me engineering it, but I did nothing to change it. - What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
By postponing it and promising myself to honour the SI urge later, - If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
Not sure.... - What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?
Alone, not in a clean shirt. - If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?
After You Beat an Urge
How do you beat your urges? Examine how you beat the last one so it can help you beat the next one.
It feels like I never beat them except by doing something else thats 'bad' for me. Like drinking, using. I did once manage a phone call to the support line that helped but there's the risk that they actually make me feel worse.
- Did I identify what feelings were leading me to want to SI?
Yes. Worthlessness and self-disgust. - If No - What coping skills got me through?
If I knew that i wouldn't have fucking slipped you twat.
