Bad Day

silent_end · Post by **silent_end** » Mon Mar 10, 2008 8:29 pm

I've had a bad day so far and now i don't feel like doing much. i was sick this morning so i was unable to go to any of my morning classes and after having SI last night i really wasn't up for the challenge of sitting through class. so i went to see my counselor and she gave me two options either i go talk to a physician myself or she comes with me. the only problem is i don't think I'm ready and if i don't voluntarily go she has the power to override my decision because its self-harm.... what do i do?? do i just suck it up and go or do i tell her that I'm not yet ready. I'm trying to be positive but its not working very well right now and i have night class today... any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

caged bird · Post by **caged bird** » Mon Mar 10, 2008 8:53 pm

maybe you could tell her you're not feeling ready and see what she has to say, if she has toh power to override your decision anyways then having her onside would be a good thing, but maybe if she's convinced that itwon't be helpful for you right now she'll wait a while?

silent_end · Post by **silent_end** » Mon Mar 10, 2008 9:08 pm

what if she says I've been putting it up off for too long and she makes the decision to go neways ......... i don't know maybe i should go and just see what they have to say its just i guess I'm scared and i don't know why or how to tell my counselor that

disastercake · Post by **disastercake** » Tue Mar 11, 2008 12:35 am

perhaps you could tell her you need a week or two, if she agrees, to prepare yourself and work out what you would/wouldn't be comfortable talking about and what you'd like to get out of seeing a professional

silent_end · Post by **silent_end** » Tue Mar 11, 2008 2:19 am

yeah i eamiled her my concerns but she won't get back to me until tomorrow during the day so i will just have to wait and see

which kind of sucks cause when it's something so important i get anxious and when I'm anxious i tend not to sleep and then of course that affects my participation level in my class which is marked on participation i swear its a never ending vicious cycle

disastercake · Post by **disastercake** » Tue Mar 11, 2008 3:17 am

good luck hun

silent_end · Post by **silent_end** » Tue Mar 11, 2008 3:21 am

thnx i need it

silent_end · Post by **silent_end** » Tue Mar 11, 2008 6:08 pm

so i sent an email to my counselor last night outlining all my concerns and asking her if i wasn't ready would she override my decision not to see a physician and its 1.04pm and still no reply

errgg its frustrating and nerve racking and my anxiety level is going up.... i don't know how long i can take not knowing before i SI this is ridiculous something as simple as this shouldn't cause me this much pain i hate life right now

disastercake · Post by **disastercake** » Tue Mar 11, 2008 7:19 pm

could you call her?

silent_end · Post by **silent_end** » Tue Mar 11, 2008 7:35 pm

no i don't have her extension number.... 2hrs and then i giving up

silent_end · Post by **silent_end** » Tue Mar 11, 2008 9:45 pm

so i finally got an email back from my counselor and so even if i am not ready to go on Thursday to see the physician then i have to go because her primary concern is for my safety and exploring other options .. which i am all down for but i need more time and because she thinks i am going to self-harm

or something ahhhhhhhhh i just want to scream or something and i guess she right to some extent but I'm not suicidal or anything and I'm fine with the options i have and I'm still safe

disastercake · Post by **disastercake** » Wed Mar 12, 2008 2:51 am

did you tell her that? make a deal with her that if she gives you a week you'll go willingly and will not harm yourself.

silent_end · Post by **silent_end** » Wed Mar 12, 2008 4:16 am

i don't know if i can make such a promise though because even right now i feel like i am going to SI but the only thing stopping me is knowing that i have to go see the physician on Thursday and she said that we'll talk about it but her primary concern is for my health and safety.... so maybe i should just go i don't know i am torn

disastercake · Post by **disastercake** » Wed Mar 12, 2008 3:18 pm

you could go and just see what happens, who know, it might really help you. do you want to quit? because if so then this might be a good thing. if not, it'll be a pain in the arse

silent_end · Post by **silent_end** » Wed Mar 12, 2008 3:29 pm

i do want to quit so i guess i'll go anyways but at least the decision to act on anything that the doctor says is my choice at least i think so.

disastercake · Post by **disastercake** » Thu Mar 13, 2008 2:27 am

it's always your choice. it'd have to be really bad for you to be held somewhere. hope it goes well for you. perhaps you could write up a list of what you'd like to say/get out of the visit. incase you get real nervous and uncomfortable while you're actually there, you'll be able to look back at the list

silent_end · Post by **silent_end** » Thu Mar 13, 2008 8:26 pm

so i went to see the physician today and he was really nice and everything but i still don't feel ok. Instead of leaving there feeling safe and secure i left feeling upset and pissed off. i swear i keep talking and no one is listening to me. i do not want to be medicated nor do i like the idea but everyone keeps pushing it on me and i know its just temporary but i don't want to have to pop a

pill every time i am feeling anxious. Most of the time when i do SI its not because i am feeling suicidal or anything but its because i feel like no ones is listening to me and i can't talk to anyone because they all have their pre-conceived ideas and the people who are supposed to be helping me the most (i.e my parents) are causing more harm than they know. Lets just face it I'm a failure in life and it doesn't matter what i do because i will never be heard no matter what i say in the end the decision is never going to be mine. its always going to be made up by someone else. the physician spent more time talking to my counselor than he did to me. for once i would like someone to know that when i SI of course the intention to hurt myself but there is more than just academic stress behind it. i just hate that i feel so unheard and i'm finding it harder and harder to talk to people. What do i say??? i feel liek you are not listening to me and it dosen't matter what i say because you've already made up your mind.

disastercake · Post by **disastercake** » Fri Mar 14, 2008 12:17 am

i don't know what to tell you hun *hugs* if you want them

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