slips are chances to learn. you figure out what stresses are still too hard for you and you can work on how you'll deal with them next time you run into them. so instead of beating yourself up, take action.
- have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait. Done
- what had happened just before?
I felt lost, overwhelmed with my emotions and everything that was going on in my head. - what were you thinking and feeling?
Lost in myself, I couldn't control myself really, I tried for so hard and so long but then time just ran out on me. - why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final st.raw? what was it?
Well it was because there was the time where the tool was okay to use, I had time before school (which was on of many things on my mind) to do it and because I felt crap after sleeping even though the meds should be working, I hurt myself - how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
Well I tried everything I could, I'm still annoyed over my current eating habits, I've got medication for my sleeping but it's either not working or it's causing more problems...everything I seem to be trying instead of SI is causing a million more problems, in a sense I thought that I'd rather just hurt myself and have the few problems from that rather than comfort eat, sleep bad, not concentrate at work nor school and have a gazillion more problems. - were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
Well the final straw I guess was the fact that the meds are meant to be helping me sleep, but with no luck and it really pissed me off. - what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
Well for the last couple weeks I've been trying to cope, constant distractions on here, going for walks, enjoying myself with comfort food, trying to feel good about myself, remembering H.A.L.T, but this time I got sick of constantly sorting out T with other methods so I slipped up instead, they did work pretty well, it's gotten me through a lot of bad nights and during the roughness of the day too, just that this morning it all felt void. - in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
Perhaps not taunt myself by having the tool there for starters, sometimes it puts me off, other times it doesn't...spent more time sorting myself out for school then worrying about the fact I'm tired perhaps. - name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
Maybe make myself another cup of tea for myself, take care of myself more with a shower, sort out my bag or tidy my room, even if it is 7am... - how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
The fact I'm able to concentrate now? It's sorted for now. Sleeping, well I'll have to wait and see again when I'm not on my meds tonight as prescribed. Eating? Well...erm...no...and once again it's just comforting and I have no other way of comforting right now.
- are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
I probably will, sleep is goign to be an issue for a long time because of work and shit like that, the fact I will have no lie-in for the next 2 weeks before half term is going to suck big time.
- what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
(1) Take more time to sort myself out for school so I'm not rushing around.
(2) Remember that I've got to go school remembering that the cuts are going to be on me during school which can be aggravating and if I really want that.
(3) Have another hot drink, then another and another and another.
About Opportunities to SI
Opportunity to Self-Harm seems to be a common theme. Think about why opportunities are important to slips and learn why opportunity is important to you.
- What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
Suppose it was the fact I finally got the sellotape of my tool ages ago and I never taped it back up, so I could use it straight away... - Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
I made the opportunity a few days ago because I had bad urges then, but by the time the sellotape was off I didn't want to use it, but this time I didn't tape it again, so I felt I could get to it straight away if need be. - What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
Probably would've tried to get things sorted out for school, even though I didn't want to go because of the mood I was in. - If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
A big increase, maybe lay on my bed going mad, however once I make it to school and I'm around people then it would've gone down. - What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?
The fact I had the tool there and the fact my sister was asleep and parents weren't in the house, so I had time to attend to my need. - If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?
I'd have felt pretty pissed off for a while, but I guess it was just that half hour I needed to sort out and the fact I was worrying about school and more issues with work etc gave me the chance.
