write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
- how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
i will feel better, calmer, not fall apart. - what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
bring, quick relief. take, a few weeks si free, feel stupid si-ing when i have bus open. - how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
i want to feel ok, i don't care about scars and it won't necessarily help in the long term but won't harm either? - if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
will probably last all day. stop my thoughts/feelings where they are and let me breathe. i will then keep going with random stuff, reading computer, games. - what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
i could go to bed, i didn't get enough sleep. or just sitting quietly, breathing better and maybe visualise. nothing will change the situation and i will feel bad again later, but if i si i can be stronger, not feel so much. - how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
tomorrow i don't think it will matter either way. - what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
i could ring a crisis line, although it's not a crisis. i just don't feel safe with these emotions and i can't contact anyone irl to be with me. and online contact is fleeting and i feel bad for asking. maybe a chat room or somewhere i can have some contact?
More Before Questions To Answer
- Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
being evicted, feeling like i have no control, everything being so uncertain. and not talking to my dr or (new) t for a while. - Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
not really. last time i was almost-homeless and looking for somewhere was a really shitty time. i si'd more then. - What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
i've tried to distract myself online. i've had something to eat and a cup of coffee.
(image in my head - just use my fingernails, as small as they are. just try to draw blood from your wrist, the small scratches will not be noticeable tomorrow and you can get out the feelings. attack yourself, you hate yourself so why not.
it's a feeling. it's an image of violence that i don't need to carry out. it's not going to help for very long. the feelings hurt but just leave them alone. don't shove them away.)
i will try to chat with someone online. i will try to sit and maybe cry. i might play music? - How do I feel right now?
a fucking ball of tension that will explode
- How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
a flat line of calm and hate and power and mercy. - How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
numb and fine - Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
no and no. - Do I need to hurt myself?
sort of. i won't right now because it's more "running away from feelings because they are too hard" than actually needing to cope with those feelings. when/if i'm bawling my eyes out soon then i will need si
