Urges in company

[BlacKat]

I was wondering how people cope with urges when they're stuck in the middle of a lot of people. I'm in college and I get urges in class (I sometimes cut under the table) or in the cafeteria, or in stores with my parents. I've gotten pretty good at SI'ing without people noticing. I was wondering how people dealt with this, though.

[xStarBright]

This personaly work's for me - if there are any notices on the wall, I read them again & again & again.

I block out people talking to me, and I whisper the word's to a song in my head.

Have you ever dealt with this with past urges?

Take care,
Annie.

[BlacKat]

Depends. The trouble is usually I'm supposed to be doing something at the time, like paying attention to the professor or engaging in conversation. I do better if I can distract myself with reciting poems or something, but if I actually have to talk/pay attention, it's pretty bad. I usually SI later/covertly.

[xStarBright]

I know this is hard to do - but is it possible for you to try and be interested in what the person is saying?

Maybe try to put yourself in someone else's shoes - someone else who find's that person's topic the most interesting thing in the world.

Or is that impossible for you?

Is there any other alternatives you can think of - have you checked out Laura's vast list of coping strategy's?

Take care,
Annie.

[BlacKat]

I'm working on it. I'm having trouble with my classes, though, and they're on things that I'd normally adore.

Might try a variant on the compliments notebook. I have a email or two I've saved from a friend. Also possibly investing in red pens - I'm still young enough that drawing on one's self in class doesn't attract too much attention (someone suggested this on the main board). Major problem is those spots where everyone's expected to be cheerful and social and talk about nothing...oh yeah, and conversations with parents (major major major problem because the subject's usually my flaws).

[xStarBright]

It's okay - you can do it.

Take care,
Annie.

[BlacKat]

Thanks.

[Holi]

I don't think I could ever cut underneath the table (what do you do with the blood?) and too many people are aware of SI (not mine) in general.
If I'm stuck in a public place, I dig my nails into my hands, as hard as I can. Sometimes if I'm in class, and its dark, i get a sharp tip of a ruler and drag that across my arm. I can hide it well just by bringing my sleeves up, or cupping my hands together (I can pinch, and hide it, multitasking joy(!) ) I end up with little red cresants and tiny bruises all over my hands and fingers.
I'm not very good with Not-SIing, and digging my nail, is almost a habit, I do it whenever I have bad thoughts or uncomfortable situation that I can't get out of fast (if I can, then I do cut)

[BlacKat]

I never SI'd very deep in public, so blood was never an issue. I do the nail thing too, or bite myself - it looks like I'm just leaning on my hand. Scab-picking, too, if I have any. That and the nails are the worst because I think I started them around 11 or 12 as opposed to 18 with the cutting (I'm 19 now). I honestly can't remember a time when I didn't scratch myself as a way of dealing with problems.

[ShellyT]

Whenever I was in public and wanted to SI, I would always get very withdrawn and isolate myself from everyone around me. I would just get absorbed in the thoughts that were going through my head and wouldn't be able to focus on anything else. Maybe you could try focusing really hard on what's going on around you? I like xStarBright's idea of reading signs. Something to pull you out of your head.

This is a tricky situation. Good luck!

[Licentia Poetica]

Yeah, I used to do that too. Sometimes even without noticing. Once I scratched my arm up so much it got infected.

What I did eventually was tell a friend what I was feeling and we'd have a little discussion on notes, or she'd hold my hand under the desk, or escape to the bathroom with me.

If you can try to get really immersed in what's going on in the class, but boy do I know how hard that is when you're feeling shitty.

Sometimes I'd just write the lyrics to songs out perfectly from memory on pieces of paper, or draw random things. I remember one day when I showed up to my counsellor appt after a bad class with very bad self hate words written over and over and over again in pen on my arms and thighs.

[Mayalaen]

Heh... I SI'd once right in my T's office (he wasn't a very good T and made me feel awful) and he totally freaked out when he saw the blood! I never went back to him again

[BlacKat]

Only had someone actually see me SI once, and he already knew about it. I felt terrible afterwards, because we're really close and he'd been helping me a lot and I could tell it made him feel like he wasn't helping at all.

I've been managing to not SI in class by leaving my tool in my dorm (it's up high where I have to work to get it) and promising I won't use anything else, including teeth/fingernails. I end up panicking a bit if I feel like I can't get out of a situation, though. Again, parents are the biggest problem.

[Holi]

Licentia, I've never written on my arms (too obvious) but I have written 100s of self-hate words on paper, and burnt it after, made me feel better.
Not for company of course
Unless your a comfirmed pyromaniac

Shelly, I withdraw into myself most of the time, which usually makes things worse, as I've only got my thoughts for company

I also do the nail thing almost unconsiously, bad thought - nails, stressful situation - nails. Just like that. I suppose by the definition of SI (on purpose to deal with stress etc, leaves mark that last over an hour) I am SIing most of the day Fun(!)

[steady hands]

I've had that problem. If you don't have to be listening, making paper cranes, or doing something else small with my hands usually works for me.

But if you're with your parents, or somewhere where you have to pay attention, try saying whatever the other person said backwards in your head, or just repeating it. It sounds strange, but it works. And then you remember it better too. You could also try counting the number of words in the sentence. Even listening to what you're listening to and then picturing the words in your head and adding punctuation to the sentence has helped me.


I hope you find something that works for you.
I know fighting urges when you can't do much about them sucks.


gretchen.

[lily_trying]

the other responses all have great advice, a lot of it i use as well.

one coping skill that i seem to use when in the company of others is the "delaying" thought--it's in the vast list of coping strategies post here--where the thought is, "ok, i won't si for *so & so amount of time*." & then going back to it once that time has passed & challenging to go for that amount of time again. i find that's a good mix of distracting while still being able to concentrate on what's happening as well.

i definitely use the skills like reciting song lyrics or poems in my head, etc when there's nothing else i need to be concentrating on -- but when it's a situation where you need to engage with what's going on, when i can i try to concentrate as closely as possible... similar to sort of re-reading notes on the wall, etc. i try to focus as much as possible on the conversation/course/etc... try to repeat it back in my head, or find something to analyze & distract within it. (i once read the idea that when one is bored or unable to concentrate in a discussion, etc. one way to be able to process it is to listen as closely as possible, and go through it in your thoughts to try to find the specific reasons why it's boring, etc... i don't know how well that works when dealing with urges, but have noticed it's brought me to be able to concentrate when i wouldn't be able to otherwise.)

what also might still work in a situation where you have to be engaged in it would be to distract by noticing as much as possible with all five senses... that can be a bit grounding as well, and find it works well at detaching a bit when the conversation is upsetting in particular.

hope some of this made sense... take care.

[disastercake]

i know this is going to sound juvenile and simple and immature, but sometimes i just have to take mt. dew and m&m's or some other kind of candy to class with me to resist urges, stay awake, pay attention. usually it works

[BlacKat]

Yeah, I do that sometimes, though I'm trying to limit caffeine - too much of it makes me agitated, and then I get pretty urgy. But have you ever tried to make food last for four hours? Maybe hard candy would help.

[funkymusic]

ShellyT, I also withdraw from everything around me a lot when I get an urge. It doesn't make me feel very good, but it's easier than listening to what everyone is saying. Maybe reading signs would help.

Writing lyrics helps to distract me. I actually like to write lyrics on my arms and legs. I think it helps.

I've never SI'd in front of a friend. In fact, I think I've only cried in front of a friend once. In a way, I kind of wish I didn't withdraw so much when I get upset so people could see me and help me.

[the edge of the world]

I just doodle..