Afterr *Lang, angry

[xStarBright]

• have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
  No, not really. I didn't have time.
• what had happened just before?
  My dance teacher was telling me off! I mean, she'd always complained at me for having minimal effort, so that's fair enough. But when we did an assesmant sheet it said what effort level did you put in and I said minimal! What IS her problem!? She complained for about a thousand years about how she didn't want the dance class becoming a failure because one kid couldn't be bothered to pull their weight (oh what thoughtful words..). She then went on to compare me to my best mate, whizz at dance, saying I should stretch more, and she actualy used the word's "You are rubbish at dance, you should be more like her."!! I mean god, talk about motivational speech! In my assesment sheet I said dance moved very slowly, so a way to improve the class was to move it along quicker. She questioned me (very, very rudely, if I do say so), and I just said it was weird being in all these fast track classes for everything else, then coming to a mixed dance class. She yelled at me a bit more, then said she definitley wouldn't put me in dance fast track. Well done, I wouldn't WANT TO BE! She doesn't get the fucking point at all! UGH! Then I started crying after, and I don't know why.. She just annoy's she shit outta me! She even had the cheek to say "I expect you'll be taking a dance GCSE." after her little speech. Suspect I won't, somehow!
• what were you thinking and feeling?
  Ugh.. I was really annoyed, and afterward's I felt so worthless. But that was after the self harm.
• why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
  No, she just went too far! I can tolerate her, but man!!
• how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
  She should have shut her big gob.
• were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
  Lack of sleep, but that's all the time, lol.
• what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
  Well.. I could have hit her.. But I'm willing to bet that wouldn't have been great. Well, she would rather have me hurt myself than the other way round! Man, way she's going, she'd quite happily put the razor to me herself!
• in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
  I would really, really loved to have slapped her one.
• name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
  Umm.. You can't really do anything in front of an insane teacher.
• how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
  I'll grit my teeth, and accept it when she tell's me I'm crap.
  
  
  
• are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
  Well, I kind of guess my dance teacher yelling that I'm rubbish is a good indication.
  
  
• what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
  1) Grit my teeth.
  2) Accept I'm crap.
  3) Breath.