Things Left Unsaid *LA*

StormShadow · Post by **StormShadow** » Thu Apr 03, 2003 3:57 am

M - I'm tired of you. Disappear or something. And for the love of all creation, STOP TRYING TO PUSH ME.

Blessed Be,
StormShadow

Stripes · Post by **Stripes** » Thu Apr 03, 2003 4:15 am

hey Lia...
fuck you, youre an over dramatic piece of shit & i'm fucking better than you even if TJ loves you & not me. i fucking hate you. i wish you went in the pitt at TBS cuz i would have kict your ass. i fucking hate you.

-Stripes

sassy koala · Post by **sassy koala** » Fri Apr 04, 2003 6:55 pm

*lots and lots of F-words in this one..

M - fuck off about the weight. And back the fuck off tim as well. he is fine the way he is. besides, I'm the one marrying him, not you. I know you think you failed at raising me b/c I am not some fucking little clone of you or some perfect smart person. Who the fuck cares. People think I'm nice and I pay my bills. I'm goddamn good at what I do, even if it is only customer service. So fuck off. And get over it. I'm going to make my own decisions and live my life. maybe not as you would like me to, but grow the fuck up. It's my fucking life. I am sick of your little pouty ignoring me times when i've done something you think is unaceptable or am being selfish, as it seems I always am. And back off about my fucking arms. I am going to be scarred for the rest of my life. I have stretch marks. just because you don't have any doesn't give you any right to tel me what to wear or anything. And I will have kids someday you bitch. Even if I have to adopt them. That was cruel and hartless of you to say that when i was trying on wedding dresses. You are supposed to support me. Not rip me to shreds any time you fucking feel like it. FUCK OFF!

L- You fucking infant. You are supposed to be the director of operations?? Kiss my fat ass you insolent puppy! You know you will never give me any position above somthing sub serviant to you. You said it yourself you mother fucker. If I had any sort of power in this place I would be fucking dangerous. Damn straight. And stop treating my boss like she's got the plague. Get over it and start being a decent person you fucking hypocrite. I'm so sick of your moodiness and immature behavior. you're almost 40 fucking years old. Get over whatever has crawled up your ass and start making this place productive and not pitting the employees against each other you fucking weiner.

J- Get the fuck out of my head you asshole. It is over. I will never do you again. Ever. Get past it and go fuck the next hole you find...oh wait...you have been doing that all along. OR else.... grow up and start acting like the husband and father you should be. You're almost 40 as well..... you should maybe grow up and stop trying to live the single life. Yo've been married for 13 years now....get used to it. Just b/c you weren't ready to be married doesn't mean that you should go fuck everything that moves. I feel dirty for having let you touch me. And get rid of that skank you have on the side. I'm surprised you haven't caught anything from her yet. The only good thing you have going in your life is your kids.... start enjoying them before their gone. And you know what? I probably would have kept it up with you if you would have told me the truth. But you didn't. You lied. So you are the one who fucked it up. Not me. So don't give me that wounded look when I don't want to have anything to do with you. Prick.

Ysilne · Post by **Ysilne** » Mon Apr 07, 2003 9:54 am

S - Stop finding bad excuses for everything, don't say you have no time for it, you only work 2 hours a week ! Just because you don't want to doesn't mean you don't hurt me.
Stop telling other people about me !

M - Tell me why you don't say anything. You've seen me with open wounds and blood everywhere, you know that I often lock myself in the bathroom for hours, after meals or after someone got angry at me. Why do you act like there's mothing to say.
But thank you for never upsetting me.

A - What the f**k is wrong with you ? Just because you don't have a gf and your parents divorced doesn't mean your life is the worst and you have the right to deny other's pain.
You know I've got problems, but I've never said I wanted you to help me or hear about it. So why do you try your best not to see me ?
I know you go out every night, so why can't you try and see me sometimes ?

F - Why can't you call ? Why can't you speak to me ? Do you really think an email every 2 or 3 weeks just to say you won't have time for me is helpful ?

Mum - I can't tell you what I live and what I feel like. And you don't have to ask. In fact, you shouldn't.
Why do you say you want to help me, but when I ask help for something you say you can't help and I have to do it alone ? Why do you complain about me not coming enough to see you, I'm the one you see the most !
Do you really have to criticize everything I tell you about the help I'm getting, I know you're a T and I know you don't work the way those I see do, but does that mean they can't help ?

I - We used to be so close... I loved you more than everyone on earth. My sister... What has happened ? Why don't you try and see me sometimes ? Why don't you ask how I feel ?

my T - When I tell you something, can't you believe me ? When I say something hurts me and isn't helpful, you should stop it. Before saying something, you could think about it... You had no right to tell me I shouldn't dress like that.
I don't care if you're late, I pay for 1/2 an hour, you don't have to take 5 minutes out of MY session.
Anyway, I won't come anymore, I can't stand feeling worse after than before. And I don't like you making me pay without reimbursement when you know I could get it. How can you believe it helps people feel better when they have to pay for it ?

people at work/students - You know I feel bad, I've never told you but it shows. So stop asking me to work so much. I really can't.

StormShadow · Post by **StormShadow** » Sat Apr 12, 2003 5:47 am

Just in general: I want to do this, being able to live out in a national forest for a year sounds absolutely wonderful, amazing, and perfect..getting to learn is just icing! You don't need to push me for it, you know who you are, 'cause I feel like it's being cheapened - don't ask why, but it does. And everyone else - this is the greatest thing to happen to me in a long time, please, oh please stop trying to make me give it up.

(...boy, I really need to start saying some of this stuff out loud)

Blessed Be,
StormShadow

DiamondHeart · Post by **DiamondHeart** » Fri Apr 18, 2003 7:37 pm

B-
First off, the next time you snoop around and read my IMs, be a *touch* less obvious about it. Would really help your career in espionage if you didn't label them things like, "3-30 - 4-9". When you want to know something, consider ASKING me first. If I don't tell you everything you wanna know, ask AGAIN. If I STILL do not tell you everything you want to know and you're THAT concerned about me, go ahead and snoop to your heart's content. I reserve the right to "snoop back" when you do that. Remember, me and matthew know the admin account to this computer. You do not. I can get into any folder on here.
As far as "blackmail" goes, I have no idea what the fuck you are talking about. Me saying that you and Mark make me upset alot is not blackmail. Me saying, "Buy me a mazda miata or I'll slit my wrists." is blackmail.
For the love of God, give it up about me manipulating Mark. I don't do it to you because I know it pisses you off. He's fine with it and I'm JOKING for God's sake. Get a fucking life and get the hell out of mine while you're at it. Remember: You are my stepmother. The most you can hope for is that I will not outright despise you and never introduce to my children. Right now, I'm at about that level of hatred.
Yes, I do have to live with you. Just like you didn't ask for me, I didn't ask for you either. Do not try to play second best at my mother. As far as I'm concerned, you are both wolves in sheep's clothing. You have both hurt me and I swear to God, I am getting over that as fast as I fucking can.
Yes, I could stop cutting. I could throw everything out the window and just ride it out through every single trigger I have. When Mark can toss every cigerrette in this house out, never buy another one, and actually stick to that, I'll do the same. Until then, GET THE FUCK OFF MY BACK. You have no idea how hard I try every fucking day. You have any idea how many sharp fucking objects there are in the world? Staples, compasses, toothpicks, plastic FORKS. I have said repeatedly I can focus on stopping SI or I can focus on school. If I have a project due tomarrow and I get so badly triggered I'm *this* far away from dissassociating, I do not have fucking time to waste two hours grounding myself.

About the Camp CAMP thing, I am very hurt that you never considered I might have a reason for not turning in my references. I am scared they will not let me stay when I have to wear a short sleeved shirt and they see my scars. I realize that is my fault and I take reponsibility for it. I should have thought of that before I offered it as a compromise for spending six weeks in NY. I really want to do that, but I'm scared they will not let me stay and I'd rather not have to go through that.

I grant you full marks on the chores thing. You were right. 100% right. I'll really try to do better about that and maybe we can talk later about something.

Second:
Do. Not. Ever. Say. I. Am. Like. My. Mother.
The difference between me having the same behaviour pattern as her is that I AM FIFTEEN. SHE IS FIFTY SIX. Cut me some fucking slack.
I never wanted anyone to feel like they had to walk on eggshells around me. I am not going to cut over something as trivial as Mark not taking me to the bookstore for crying out loud and I resent you think I would! I am insulted you think I use my SI as a "bargaining tool".

And I don't talk to you about things because you scare the hell out of me. For years you could call my name and I'd nearly wet myself. I am not comfortable talking to you. Get over it. It's not changing anytime soon.

~Diamond~

broken_dementia · Post by **broken_dementia** » Sat Apr 19, 2003 2:16 pm

Becky - Stop telling me what to do. It's not your life and you don't have to live it. I'm not going to tell you anything of what's going on anymore because all you will do is judge me.

Mom - Hm...Knock it off with the college thing. Who cares where I go? Who gives a fuck? I'm going where I want to go. Not where you want me to go. I am an adult now and I can make my own choices.

Dad - Merf...You piss me off, I piss you off, what the hell is this shit? We should just get along or something but that'll never happen.

Ray - Stop sitting here telling me how 'burnt out' you are and how many drugs you did and how drunk you were. You're my little brother you stupid jerk. Closer to me in blood than our "parents" are. If anything happened to you I'd never forgive myself so just stop this stupid shit.

Rebecca - 17 days. 17 fucking days. You won't email, won't call. None of that. You'll just do your thing and forget I exist. I love you too. We'll see if you miss me during that time. We'll just see...

dfsjklasdfklj;....Only one person is keeping me sane right now and she knows who she is. I love you ashke!

Batz · Post by **Batz** » Tue Apr 22, 2003 10:17 pm

R - I will love you forever and that's the truth because for me that's what love is. But the ghosts inside me know that I have to let go. And I want to let go so that I can still have you in my life, not push you away so that you are never there.

R & A - I'm sorry I joined your forum to read what you had both said. The pain that place has caused will probably never go away but I know what I did was wrong. I should have respected you both and I didn't.

*my* bodhisattva - I want to say something but... I guess some things will just remain unsaid no matter what. But you can take this as one very positive thought especially for you.

StormShadow · Post by **StormShadow** » Sun Apr 27, 2003 8:36 pm

J - I hate what you did to me. I hate you, I think. If I have it in my heart to hate anyone at the moment. Why did you yell at me on that last night, and talk about me lying? I hadn't, which you well know. You hurt me, and you're acting like it's my fault we were in two different places. My idea was rational. Yours was not. You hurt me a great deal...especially those last few weeks. Why? What point was there? Were you trying to make me scared and jealous? Were you just trying to make me jump through your hoops? Why did you say that you wanted me to do my own thing dispite what anyone might say, including you I might add, and then turn around and do everything you could to control me? Then claim I had no backbone, and how terrible that was? Why did you want to change me so much, and why couldn't I have a say as to what those changes should and should not be? Why didn't you care?

Blessed Be,
StormShadow

Alias Grace · Post by **Alias Grace** » Sun Apr 27, 2003 9:40 pm

Honey -- I did not lose your wallet. You lost your wallet. Panicking about what a horrible, lousy situation it is will not help either of us. Get your butt in gear and do what you have to do to replace everything. It is not my responsibility to fix it.

S -- You can be as much of an asshole as you want about the whole thing, that's your prerogative. But don't go resting any blame on *my* shoulders.

Since the beginning, I have gone farther out of my way than I really should have to accomodate you and your various neuroses. I have done everything, and I do mean everything, in my power to put you at ease. All I've asked in return is for you to have a modicum of faith in me, because I've damned well proved myself -- but not only do you refuse me, you blame me for what went wrong.

I wanted to continue our friendship, but what with your latest display of selfishness, I think I'll pass. You are not in any way, shape, or form healthy for me.

K -- You miserable son of a bitch, one of these days I am going to grow a spine and you are going to be the first casualty of war.

Oh, just for the record...if we were the last two people on earth? We would die the last two people on earth.

B, S & I -- You have saved me.

What I feel for you is akin to hero worship. Should any of the three of you ever need to be fed grapes or fanned with palm leaves, I'm your girl.

T -- Right back atcha.

Anything else I've needed to say I've done personally.

You rock the free world.

F -- The conversational game we've been playing lately has kept me from massive quantities of self-inflicted violence.

Thanks.

Grace

C_Tyrdrop · Post by **C_Tyrdrop** » Mon Apr 28, 2003 8:58 am

T's parents -- I could really kill you. Do you have any idea how FUCKING angry you make me? Especially, you, D. Be a perfectionist if you like but for Steve's sake *do not inflict it on your kid*. Do you have a fucking clue what you've *done* to him? He's fucking surprised when I tell him that he has worth outside getting good grades. *You did that to him* and I swear I could beat you to death for it. How can you not realise how amazing T is? Are you fucking blind?! And K, you can't force him not to be goth, you can't force him to be straight, you can't force him to be Christian, will you just accept it already?! He's your fucking son! You're supposed to love him no matter what he does! Even if you disagree with it! I realise you actually do give a shit though, and thank you -- but for Steve's sake, get in touch with reality.

Dad -- I know you read my livejournal. I was this close to saying "hi dad" in my most recent entry. Thanks for lying to me about it. And ignoring the fact that I'm bi won't make it go away. Have I told you how happy it made me to hear you think it's a phase? I haven't? Well, fuck you.

Family in general -- glad to see you care enough to notice I'm lying every time I tell you I'm fine. Glad to see you buy my "well-adjusted happy teenager" act. Glad to see you're too focussed on A to notice I have basically every single problem he does, I just hide them better. Anxiety? Fuck yes. Depression? Full marks for mom, she noticed it before I started to hide it, that's why I see Dr L. Do any of you think it's worse now? Bet not. Eating problems? HA. I'm just lucky I can keep my weight high enough that it's not blatant. OCD? Now that I look back, yep, I had symptoms. And THANK YOU MOM for wanting to believe so much that you didn't even question my saying that the cross-shaped and in *no* way explainable as accidental scar on my chest didn't come from me cutting myself. Why do you believe me?! Put me through Hell asking about it! You're supposed to! You're my *parents*! But, no, you didn't -- I've got it under control on my own, thanks. Some help with the depression might be nice, but I'm sure I'll manage. I've found places to talk about it.

T -- I don't tell you enough that I love you. You are my life. I don't understand why you stay with me, but I'm so glad.

Batz · Post by **Batz** » Mon Apr 28, 2003 9:54 pm

N - I'm not sure if I just want to think it could be or if it is or what it is but I think, despite everything being against it, I think I could fall in love with you. I so want to be able to reach out and ask if you feel the same but it feels as if it is impossible. It might seem crazy but with each day that is passing I think it might be true. Give me a sign, somewhere, somehow that maybe you feel the same. If it's 16 more dates, then I want them.

Licentia Poetica · Post by **Licentia Poetica** » Wed Apr 30, 2003 10:40 am

K- Get OVER yourself ok and look at whats around you. you are not blonde. so dont act like one.

L- i love you. just keep being. keep doing everything you are doing. you mean EVERYTHING to me. and you do not need to do 180 situps a day and i know im a hypocrite but hell im crazy.

M- fuck you. stop lying to me. stop pretending to me. stop hating me. stop being your kind of "normal" and OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES.... and stop making me cry.

N- stop ignoring me. and you dont know me ok? you think you do but you dont. so shut up. and maybe you should ignore me. but above all see what *she* is doing to you.

A- please please please please dont leave. ill beg if i have to. i need you.

J- i HATE you. i realise you have issues but stop fucking everyone else up with them.

A- just.. argh! you're so annoying! i dont want to hear about your bloody dog or all your homework already!!!!

A- you're ok. but god dammit stop being so bloody high maintenance.

P- *cries* i love you i really do. *hugs you so badly*

D/R/whatever i'm supposed to call you- come back to me, please.

Everyone else- LEAVE ME ALONE. i dont need you.

apocalyptica · Post by **apocalyptica** » Wed Apr 30, 2003 7:36 pm

M-Just go to hell. I shouldn't be so scared of you. it's not right.

ML-I wish.. I wish you'd see how much I care for you.

R-You have hurt me, maybe I deserved it, but something has to change.

K-Never touch me again. Never look at me again. I despise you. You make me feel disgusting.

Threnody · Post by **Threnody** » Sat May 03, 2003 11:41 pm

T-- You are a real piece of work. You lie, freeload, and solicit pity from anyone who will listen. You have never held a job that you actually obtained on your own-- but why should you, when you can cry to your friends. You lied your way into graduate school. You made your boyfriend an accomplice in your lying, then dumped him the minute you had no use for him. And all you want from men is their wallets. I'm really amazed that no one has figured this out by now.

And enough with the stories about abuse. You left your mother's house 21 years ago! Deal with it! At 39, you're a little too old to blame your every shortcoming (the ones that you'll admit to) on "my mommy didn't love me." It's like a reflex with you: any mistake you make *now*, you immediately trot out the psychological trauma excuse. Your family is not going to change. You can live your life mourning about what you don't have, or you can acknowledge that you've been hurt and make efforts to move on with your life.

Surely you've been in therapy long enough to have heard some variation on the above statement. But you don't even try. God forbid you have to do something for yourself, rather than sad-story someone into doing it for you.

You accuse other people of not supporting you. Other people have needs, to. No matter what your therapist has led you to believe, you are not the only person in the world who has experienced difficulties. Your friends get awfully sick of things like:

(1) EVERY time you go on a trip with friends, you OD. Or cut yourself. People want to have fun and enjoy each other's company-- not spend the whole time babysitting you. Then you wonder why you don't get invited places.

(2) when you don't want to do something, you OD or cut yourself. The last THREE times you moved house, you slept while everybody else packed up your crap and hauled it places. Of course, you'd ODed each time. Now you can't figure out why no one will help you move anymore. It's because we are all awful. Not because we are sick of being manipulated into doing your work.

(3) no one can have a meal with you, without your announcing that you are going to go puke it up. You are not the only bulimic in the world. Just fucking barf and don't tell us about it!

(4) no one can enjoy anything when you are around. We go to a theme park. Right off, you announce that you can't do rides that spin, because when you were 2 years old your stepfather put you on a swing and spun it around and bla bla bla. Was it necessary to offer that explanation? MOST people would just say that spinning rides make them sick. But with you, everything has to be connected to childhood trauma.

And by the way: stop crying poor. You have managed to manipulate someone into giving you a rent-free house to live in. Your schooling is entirely paid for. Your medical insurance is entirely paid for. Your car is entirely paid for, thanks to your wealthy parents (who allegedly don't give a shit about you). You get $1200 month in disability payments. Not a lot, but since you have essentially no expenses, you should be able to live on this amount. Maxing out your credit cards because you have to have the best television, DVD, furniture, clothing, shoes, etc etc does not qualify as a financial emergency.

bexy · Post by **bexy** » Tue May 06, 2003 6:32 pm

Family in general-Can't you see Im not ok? Can't you tell when im lying to you? Do you really think Id be doing this to myself if I was ok? Depression and SI some of you know about, but somehow you can convince yourselves that its really fine and those of you who dont know about it, how have you not noticed?

G-Im sitting right here, I exist. Pretending I dont isn't going to make me disappear you know. Im always going to be here because Im a part of this family. We treated each other like family for years why not any more? Because I grew up or because it was all just an act for her? Either way its not my fault, don't blame me for things I have no control over.

S and E-Im sorry, I try my best even if you can't see that. Thank you for being there for me, please dont walk away now

My school-Before I started here I was fine. Where were you when I asked for help? Don't act like it was my fault with the 'talk to us if you have a problem' speechs. I did talk and you didnt listen, I asked for help and you just laughed at me.

O-Im always here for you. However much we fought in the past I care about you. Don't deal with stuff on your own hun, just talk to me I may not have the answers but I can listen. Thank you for being there for me and for caring. Its not that I dont trust you enough to tell you stuff its just Im not ready yet. I'll tell you in my own time.

DarkShadow · Post by **DarkShadow** » Mon May 12, 2003 10:58 pm

DAD: You are not my father, I am not your scape goat, I am not okay, you did not raise me, and you are sick. I think you are an unworthy, spineless, manipulative, blackmailing, selfish, idiot. You weren't there, aren't there and never will be. Yet you are *so* unfortunately *here* and I wish you would fuck off. --I hate you--

MUM: Unh...*reality check*! Wake up, woman!!

R: "professional"? I don't think so...get a new job.

RM: I wish you would adopt me. Don't leave me. I love you. I need you.

DOC: HELP!

SB: You played on my need for a father. I didn't ask for it, I didn't make you do it, and you didn't do it because you "love me". ROT . IN . HELL .

K: I still have nightmares about you. Suffer.

SHAZ: I have enough shit of my own, I don't want yours too!

F: You're my mate not my mother. Don't preach hypocrisies! Get off your moral high-ground, you don't know me!!

TT: Why?!

SB: TOTAL misuse of your status! If I ever see your slimy face again I'll take you to the cleaners. Believe me, I'll make damn sure you'll lose your job, house, company car, private healthcare, girlfriend (and you know how!)...you dug your own grave.

S,F,B,S,A,P: Where are you when I need you guys?

ALL HUMAN EXISTENCE: Fuck off world: I'm angry, tired, and hurt. Don't talk to me, don't hug me, don't look at me, don't sympathise, don't pretend you understand, don't pretend you care...just don't. I'm not a fool.

THE CREATOR: What a mess. What a test. What cruelty. What next?

cariad · Post by **cariad** » Tue May 13, 2003 6:24 pm

L~ FUCK YOU ! will you eva relise wot u have done - not just to me but to them as well WHY?? i hate you and i hate the way every time i see you you smile and tell me im looking great WELL FUCKYOU YOU TWISTED FUCKED UP PERSON so wot about YOUR childhood !!! wot about your own childrens childhood ... do u realise i remember EVERY thing you ever said to me I BELIVED YOU , I TRUSTED YOU .
g~ u hurt me . where r u now. do u think of me? do u no wot u left behind. u said we were like your family. well your values must be very fucked up then . im sori if i cld have helped more I TRIED did you ?
MUM~ Im so sori u dont even know me .. im trying to change.
Z~ u r the best friend eva .. thankyou
M~ im always here for you
S~ u no im here and u no ure special to me but can i ask you one thing - do u eva actually listen to wot the hell im saying coz im sori hun but it really doesnt feel like you do.
H~ im here 4 u , thanks 4 bing there for me im trying i promise
To myself ~ fuck you BITCH

thanks tht was a gr8 idea i really needed tht .. ill prob b bk lol

Alias Grace · Post by **Alias Grace** » Wed May 14, 2003 3:43 am

S -- I don't mind not really mattering to you, but I wish you'd make up your mind about the matter. Either you care or you don't. Either you are only out for your own interests or not. I'm fine with that, either way, but I am definitely not fine with sitting here waiting for you to knock the head games off.

And if you want me to stop "negating every answer" you give me, maybe you might want to consider putting some bloody thought into the next ones you hand out. You're starting to sound like a callous jackass.

Grace

Ysilne · Post by **Ysilne** » Wed May 14, 2003 9:55 am

S - You hurt me. I know you're trying to help, or at least you think you are. But when I ask for help you're not there. You're only there when I'm ok, and never understand anything I tell you.
A - I don't understand how you act. You keep hurting me, but I don't know why. I'm not even sure you realize it. I think you're just selfish.
F - What do you want from me ? I'm starting to think you just see me by pity. I would accept to see you and even become friend... But it's not what you're trying to do.
M - You've been so nice lately. If I wasn't so insane and depressed, I would thank you irl a lot more. I was mad at you for many reasons, but it was long ago and now you've changed a lot. In a good way.

I - Why can't we talk anymore ? I know you're busy with your studies and your bf... But I'm you twin sister ! And you don't even know if I'm ok or not. You've never tried to ask me why I attempted su years ago, and you don't know I've tried again. I miss you. You should know that you were once the most important person in my life, more than our parents.

bus

Things Left Unsaid LA

....Merf.

Jumping on the band wagon

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