before and trying to keep it that way

[thisshallbeformusic]

* how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
my anxiety will go away for a little while

* what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
instant relief; control.

* how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
like i handled it. definately farther

* if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
it will last for about 10-15 min. then my meds will have kicked in and i'll be in bed

* what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
shower. it won't change things, just distract me and get what i need to do done

* how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
at this point i think i'd be indifferent; feel better about showering b/c i need to wash my hair

* what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
i really want to just turn into a statue. that's not realistic. i have school to attend to.


urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

More Before Questions To Answer


* Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
there's no need. i just feel like it b/c i want to. almost b/c i'm bored.

* Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
yeah. distracted, found other things to do, bus. anxious.

* What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
posting... i can shower and take some klonopin to reduce my anxiety

* How do I feel right now?
anxious

* How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
relieved, dissociated, calm

* How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
indifferent. probably not to pleased.

* Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
i guess the bordeom is the stressor. yay! i id-ed the stressor. planning my day w/the 2 column thing i did over the summer.

* Do I need to hurt myself?
no. i don't need to. i just really, really want to. but it will go away. i need to remeber that