before

[divine]

How will this situation or feeling change if I hurt myself?
I won't be depressed anymore. I'll just be numb,

What will hurting myself bring to the situation? What will it take away from the situation?
I won't feel so lonely. But then I'll be bleeding, and failing again.

How do I want to feel about this in the long run? Is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
Better. I wanna say closer, but I think that's just my desire.

If hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? What will I do then?
Tonight. Probably most of tomarrow. Until my boyfriend got home, and I'm not alone.

What is something I could do now instead of hurting myself? How will it change the situation I'm in? How long will that change last, and what will I do then?
Talk to people on BUS like I've been doing. Trying to be rational.

How will I feel tomorrow if I hurt myself? How will I feel tomorrow if I do the other thing i came up with?
Probably pretty shitty.

What do I really want to do right now? How can I best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I want to talk to my boyfriend. I want to talk to someone who gets it. I want to be held, really held, without complications. By accepting it's there and not doing it.

Urges aren't necessarily the enemy. They happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. Remember that.

More Before Questions To Answer


Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I'm lonely, and scared.

Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
Yes, mostly by giving it. Like a little shit.

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
Trying to distract myself on here. Talking to people about random things.

How do I feel right now?
Lonely.

How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
Numb.

How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
Happy numb. It's different from numb, numb. To me at least. When you're numb, you really don't feel. When you're happy numb, you're not happy, you're content, but at the same time, it feels like trying to walk through water. Everything is far away.

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
No. It's just going to happen.

Do I need to hurt myself?
No, -she grudgingly admits-

[ChaseThisLight]

You seem to have a good perspective on your Self Injury. I know that when I'm feeling lonely it's hard to fight the urges. Take care of yourself.