Strike Back of Secrets! [The Secrets Thread - Read 1st Post]

Callisto · Post by **Callisto** » Sat Oct 06, 2007 10:42 am

SU

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i've already given up....i just sometimes delude myself that i haven't. i'm just waiting it out until november now, then i can end it without anyone noticing for at least a week.

Licentia Poetica · Post by **Licentia Poetica** » Sat Oct 06, 2007 10:44 am

<center>:wavey:

Hi there, a lot of you are new. It's good that you're coming here to put down your feelings in coping.

My name is El and I just wanted to let you all know that I'm listening. And what's more I can relate to a lot of what you all are saying.

I want to tell you you're not alone.

I've thought being thinner will make me happy.
I've put myself in danger because I thought if something happened then I'd have a reason to feel the way I do.
I've been confused about my friendships, and not known who to trust.
I've been so low that I thought self harm was the only means feel comforted.
I check my email constantly for messages from people who will never write to me.
I've had points at which suicide seemed like the only way out. That changed.

I just want to say: it's okay to be hurt. It's okay to be sad, even if you don't have a reason. The past can't be changed, but your feelings about it can. Today might be shitty but tomorrow is a whole new day. You won't always feel the way you feel now.

Hang in there everyone. You're being heard

</center>

wilson · Post by **wilson** » Sat Oct 06, 2007 1:34 pm

the tickets were not free they cost me a total of $90. but i brought them and gave them to you because i thought you would enjoy it and i wanted to catch up with you

wilson · Post by **wilson** » Sat Oct 06, 2007 1:35 pm

i will never forgive hannah for what she did and i know that unless i do i will feel like this the rest of my life

mephistopheles · Post by **mephistopheles** » Sat Oct 06, 2007 6:14 pm

i want to be thinner.

i want you to like me.

Beasty · Post by **Beasty** » Sat Oct 06, 2007 6:38 pm

I'm going to go to your church again tomorrow. I need to see you. You won't see me, though. I can't let you know how much I really do need to see someone who cares about me.

I be all sneakity like ghostie.

PassingCloud · Post by **PassingCloud** » Sat Oct 06, 2007 7:21 pm

sometimes i really hate my mother. and sometimes i need her anyway.

Roxi · Post by **Roxi** » Sat Oct 06, 2007 10:53 pm

I'm scared of failure....

and i also have had slight bulemic tendanciesin the past, which no one irl knows about.

Peege · Post by **Peege** » Sun Oct 07, 2007 12:11 am

i'm frightened

poisontongue · Post by **poisontongue** » Sun Oct 07, 2007 12:37 am

I have a voice of my own. It's just been lost somewhere all these years...

Beasty · Post by **Beasty** » Sun Oct 07, 2007 2:33 am

I'm not in recovery anymore.

Post by **Spidey** » Sun Oct 07, 2007 2:37 am

i love you.
i love you.
i love you.
i love you.

i would give up the universe, the world, the everything, for you.

Post by **treasure** » Sun Oct 07, 2007 2:57 am

i don't drink very often, but if i do then it means getting drunk at home as a way of coping or something. i am really wanting to do that in the next few days but i'm a little scared i will cut or do something worse. when ppl say alcohol relaxes inhibitions or alcohol makes them more likely to si, i feel jealous, cos even drunk i never get 'too' drunk and have never si'd or made a fool of myself. i feel sick of holding myself together. i think the meds i am on are making me less likely to actually *feel* my emotions. i want alcohol to help me feel and to let me fall apart. i want to hurt myself and maybe that will "let" me.

Licentia Poetica · Post by **Licentia Poetica** » Sun Oct 07, 2007 3:15 am

poisontongue · Post by **poisontongue** » Sun Oct 07, 2007 7:22 am

I think I'm so in love with you. I feel it, that secret attraction to you because you're what I would have been if I were normal. Your beauty, your suffering... I wish I could have been the one there for you. I never knew I felt this way... until I saw that you were in a relationship. I know you and I can never be, I'm too different and I can never express these things... I horrify you over what I've become. This surge of jealousy... when's the last time I ever spoke a word to you... never. When have we last spoken on the Internet... not in ages. And yet there your face is when I least expected it, in my "friends" list...

Binayshee · Post by **Binayshee** » Sun Oct 07, 2007 12:58 pm

i have this habit of getting hung up on guys
who don't t treat me well. probably because
my father never did. it's a hard pattern to break
out of. i get hung up on the past and "what
could have been" instead of realizing "what
is" and moving on.

i think it's because i have many issues
with men. a lot of issues. it's hard because
i learned very young that i can't trust men
and that i am not safe with men. and then
i chose guys whose behavior pretty much
reinforces or proves that. so now i think it's
too late and maybe i should forget about
the whole thing.

there are worse things than being alone. i
always wished my mother was strong enough
to be alone. our lives could have been so
different.

well i have been alone for a long time. and i
may die not ever having had a sucessful
relationship with a man. i feel sad thinking
about that, and at the same time, there are
worse things. like falling in love with some-
one marrying him and then finding out he's
a pervert. or giving someone all of your
heart and having them cheat and betray
you. or how bout just good old fashioned
disappointment?

i'm not some little waif who is going to curl
up and die because some guy doesn't love
me. that's just not going to happen. so
fuck you, fuck the world, and fuck it all.

i will perservere. i will make my life work.
i'm very determined. i am stubborn. you
have no idea how stubborn.

i s'pose
that's something that really works for
me, or against me, depending on the
situation. it's one of my "superpowers."

at any rate, i've made it through a lot of
really tough things in my life and i'm not
about to throw it all away because you won't
come through. and i'm not carrying you on
my fucking back either.

as a single mother i've felt like i've been
pulling this heavy cart uphill and the
men i've fallen l in love with want to jump
into the cart and get a ride.

when is someone going to make things
easier for ME?

i tell you when. when I DO IT. that's when.

Licentia Poetica · Post by **Licentia Poetica** » Sun Oct 07, 2007 1:31 pm

Binayshee wrote:i tell you when. when I DO IT. that's when.

hear, hear.

steady hands · Post by **steady hands** » Mon Oct 08, 2007 4:23 am

I am so fucking sick of everything.

Quiet little Angel · Post by **Quiet little Angel** » Mon Oct 08, 2007 7:09 am

despite all the pain he caused me i still love my dad... life would just be so much easier if he wasn't around... then i could focus on the few good memories and maybe even keep loving him...

troubles undone · Post by **troubles undone** » Mon Oct 08, 2007 5:10 pm

i think i do actually love you. which is quite a weird thought given your age and how i know you...

bus

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