ive decided...

Raiku · Post by **Raiku** » Sun Sep 23, 2007 9:13 pm

ive decided to undergo plastic surgery. im so fucking hideous. also, ive done every diet under the sun without cheating and i actually gain weight. so im also going to get lipo
just need some advice on...

1: if i should do it so i can be accepted by others and...

2. if anyone else thats done it felt better after it

Post by **Spidey** » Sun Sep 23, 2007 11:08 pm

it is not weight that makes you be accepted by others. it is how you carry yourself.

if you are dieting and gaining weight without cheating, have you considered getting tests done to see if there is a MEDICAL problem as to why you are not losing weight? how about monitoring calorie/exercise without adhering to a "diet"?

losing weight is more about a lifestyle change than anything else. you can lose weight, then go back to your old habits, and gain all the weight back and then some. the change you do has to be PERMANENT.

if you are doing this to be accepted by other people you are doing it for absolutely the wrong reason.

i lost a great deal of weight. i still feel the same as i did back then. the difference is that i am a LOT smaller. and people still avoid me as if i have typhoid or something like that =/

Raiku · Post by **Raiku** » Mon Sep 24, 2007 2:20 am

i have to

i want to be accepted

Raiku · Post by **Raiku** » Tue Sep 25, 2007 8:14 pm

question

why are people against it?

Licentia Poetica · Post by **Licentia Poetica** » Wed Sep 26, 2007 9:29 am

I'm not against it.

If you want lipo, get lipo. But just know that lipo will get you lipo. Not acceptance.

Tbh it'll probably make you feel worse, because it's not going to work the way you expect it will.

There's no quick fix for self esteem unfortunately. Which is a shame, I know how much I wish sometimes I could just change something about my appearance and feel better.

Raiku · Post by **Raiku** » Sat Sep 29, 2007 1:27 am

well, i only see skinnier people get what they want, plus it was shown that bigger people do get discriminated against

Beasty · Post by **Beasty** » Sat Sep 29, 2007 1:37 am

I understand why you want to get liposuction. I think people are generally against getting plastic surgery just to please others, not to please themselves. So if this is something that will make you happy and feel better about yourself, then go for it I suppose.

Post by **Spidey** » Sat Sep 29, 2007 1:51 am

Yes. Larger people do get discriminated against. So do overly-thin individuals, so it exists on both extremes.

Acceptance comes from how you hold yourself to the outside world. Not that you weigh X or wear size Y.

You need to think about the reasons why you eat/live the way you do, and c hange them. That is the only thing that will change your size. Because what can be taken off from lipo can come back.

pelagic · Post by **pelagic** » Sat Sep 29, 2007 5:25 am

Why do I hate plastic surgery?

Because those companies are saying "hey, you're ugly! Get plastic surgery to make you beautiful and accepted by society!"

Lipo will not make you feel better about yourself. You will not gain acceptance from it.

Being called perfect is an insult to me. Beauty are in imperfections, and love is embracing those imperfections.

If you want to get plastic surgery, then do so. But it won't make people love you.

I'm sure people love you as you, without plastic surgery.

Licentia Poetica · Post by **Licentia Poetica** » Sat Sep 29, 2007 9:09 am

Speaking as someone who has been in the normal weight range and a few times very below it, weight has had nothing to do with how accepted I feel or how happy I am or how much I like myself.

Here are some points from a thread on PBH:

ED or Diet?

The most common element surrounding all Eating Disorders is the inherent presence of a low self esteem.

Having an Eating Disorder is much more than just being on a diet. An Eating Disorder is an illness that permeates all aspects of each sufferer's life, is caused by a variety of emotional factors and influences, and has profound effects on the people suffering and their loved ones.

Dieting is about losing a little bit of weight in a healthy way.

Eating Disorders are about trying to make your whole life better through food and eating (or lack of).

Dieting is about doing something healthy for yourself.

Eating Disorders are about seeking approval and acceptance from everyone through negative attention.

Dieting is about losing a bit of weight and doing it healthyfully.

Eating Disorders are about how life won't be good until a bit (or a lot) of weight is lost, and there's no concern for what kind of damage you do to yourself to get there.

Dieting is about losing some weight in a healthy way so how you feel on the outside will match how good you already feel on the inside.

Eating Disorders are about being convinced that your whole self-esteem in hinged on what you weigh and how you look.

Dieting is about attempting to control your weight a bit better.

Eating Disorders are about attempting to control your life and emotions throuh food/ lack of food -- and are a huge neon saying "look how out of control I really feel"

Dieting is about losing some weight.

Eating Disorders are about everything going on in life -- stress coping, pain, anger, acceptance, validation, confusion, fear -- cleverly (or not so cleverly) hidden behind phrases like "I'm just on a diet".

Maybe you should look at your lipo ideas in this same kind of way. Are you doing this to try to match the beautiful inside you with the outside (which might make you feel a bit better), or are you trying to change your whole life with it (which won't).

I doubt you fall into the first category. I see that you're trying to buy a fix for self esteem. It can't be done.

You need to fix the inside first. Maybe this could help.

Raiku · Post by **Raiku** » Sat Sep 29, 2007 11:36 pm

Well then, heres my situation...

I'm a shy guy. I have never been on a date my whole life.I'm able to gather myself to ask a girl out, but I've been denied. I'm told that girls only like men who are mean to others. Should I do that? If so, how? And if not, then what should I do?

Licentia Poetica · Post by **Licentia Poetica** » Sat Sep 29, 2007 11:58 pm

Maybe you're asking the wrong girls?

Sure there are girls out there looking for assholes, but everyone's different.

Personally I'm attracted to guys who are shy, caring and understanding, and appearance-wise, on the heavier side.

Keep trying!

pelagic · Post by **pelagic** » Sun Sep 30, 2007 1:31 am

I'm a girl, and I would certainly deny a guy who is mean to others. I find people who are considerate, kind, and open-minded much better than a guy who works out, picks on others, and who everybody considers 'cool.'

Maybe you are asking the wrong girls?

Make sure you get to know the girl before you ask her out. Then, just start going to movies together, but just as friends. Later on, the both of you may start liking eachother more, and you could end up in a dating relationship. Or, you might just stay good friends.

Don't let dating troubles get you down. Things are bound to change.

Post by **Spidey** » Sun Sep 30, 2007 1:48 am

just be yourself. seriously. just be YOU. without frills, without exception. be YOU. the true YOU. and you will find a girl that accepts you.

it's hard. but the best advice i was ever given was "as soon as you stop caring about being popular, you will be". and it's TRUE. when you stop caring about being The Popular One, you'll be popular, but in your own way. you will find people who are willing to embrace you, faults and all.

Raiku · Post by **Raiku** » Sun Sep 30, 2007 2:39 am

well ive tried the "friendship" thing, but that would never work out and i dont go to school and people in public wont even give me the time of day

Licentia Poetica · Post by **Licentia Poetica** » Sun Sep 30, 2007 2:49 am

It's pretty hard to meet people when you're looking for them in strangers in public. People are generally hesitant about people they don't know anything about.

Have you tried joining any social groups or clubs or anything like that?

Raiku · Post by **Raiku** » Sun Sep 30, 2007 2:55 am

no social groups around me

Post by **Spidey** » Sun Sep 30, 2007 3:00 am

try focusing on interest-based groups. is there anything around that you areinterested in? try there.

pelagic · Post by **pelagic** » Sun Sep 30, 2007 11:07 pm

There are always clubs or activities you can join. For example, I have vegan cooking classes. I get to meet other people who are also interested in animal-product-free meals, and once we have a similair interest, we manage to talk about other things. Sure, we're not always agreeing on some things, but we have pleasant discussions about them, both sides interested in what the other has to say.

Just look around your community. Corkboards at coffee shops have lots of flyers on new things out there.

Licentia Poetica · Post by **Licentia Poetica** » Mon Oct 01, 2007 12:16 am

Join Facebook!

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