"Positive" Reinfocement

tips on how to cope: dealing with your feelings, dealing with the consequences of self-harm in your life. share your ideas and maybe pick up some new skills, too. you don't have to want to stop to learn something new here.

Moderators: Spidey, noldo

Post Reply
User avatar
artemisillusion
unpacking boxes
unpacking boxes
Posts: 66
Joined: Mon Mar 19, 2007 2:04 am
Location: Into the Unknown

"Positive" Reinfocement

Post by artemisillusion » Sat Sep 01, 2007 4:25 am

Does anyone have any tips for dealing with "positive" reinforcement that is actually bad? I've had several people tell me this week that they can see that I'm losing weight--which would be fine except my ED is in full force at the moment and I don't need any more encouragement to keep it going when I'm trying to stop. I don't want to be rude, and I appreciate the compliments, but I need to stop.
"She had been forced into prudence in her youth, she learned romance as she grew older."

Jane Austen, "Persuasion" Volume 1, Chapter 4

User avatar
treasure
forum moderator - workshop & before & after
forum moderator - workshop & before & after
Posts: 11079
Joined: Wed Feb 25, 2004 8:32 pm
Gender: f
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Post by treasure » Sat Sep 01, 2007 7:13 am

can you say something like "i'm actually losing weight from an illness"? you don't have to mention an ed, but i guess someone might go "well you look good anyway"... but that should be unlikely cos noone wants to say being sick is good. they might pity you which also might be inhelpful... but hey :tongue: maybe it'll work for you and maybe it won't :)
treasure
virtual hugs welcome.
shiny place or old place

plantt
forum moderator emeritus
forum moderator emeritus
Posts: 16078
Joined: Sat Jun 15, 2002 3:59 pm
Contact:

Post by plantt » Sat Sep 01, 2007 7:25 am

you could bluntly mention "yes, I'm losing weight from an eating disorder.... I'm working to be more healthy! do you have any suggestions?" or "yeah, I know.... I struggle to keep a healthy weight."

you might try considering what they mean by "you look like you're losing weight..."
are they concerned? do they think you look sick?

if they're people that you know.... you might try just telling them "it's not helpful when you tell me I'm losing weight. *smiles* " even add in what they could say instead.... or if you'd prefer them to not comment....

User avatar
Quiet little Angel
just plain inspiring
just plain inspiring
Posts: 7754
Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2005 2:10 pm
Location: somewhere between blue tulips and anxiety...

Post by Quiet little Angel » Sat Sep 01, 2007 3:25 pm

i get that a lot too... and the comments about looking very skinny... normally i go wiht ''yeah, i'm really trying to not loose any more because it's really unhealthy for me'', that way you don't have to mention the ED and people will probably stop saying it in a positive way... they might start mentioning it in a worried way, but that might be helpfull in your effort to stop the ED...?
:lblstar:
/May

:lblstar: Never underestimate the power of silence... :lblstar:
:lblstar: micro-chipped mental cyber twins taking over NewZealand... :lblstar:
:lblstar: ever reached out for someones hand only to find it wasn't there? :lblstar:
My place of happy-scared-random-thoughts dealing with motherhood and anxiety, visitors welcome

User avatar
artemisillusion
unpacking boxes
unpacking boxes
Posts: 66
Joined: Mon Mar 19, 2007 2:04 am
Location: Into the Unknown

Thank you!

Post by artemisillusion » Sun Sep 02, 2007 5:02 am

Thank you all for the good suggestions. Every time someone says something I tend to panic and freeze, like I'm being caught doing something wrong. I know everyone means it in a nice way, because honestly, I do need to lose weight, but I don't want to do it in an unhealthy way.
"She had been forced into prudence in her youth, she learned romance as she grew older."

Jane Austen, "Persuasion" Volume 1, Chapter 4

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests