almost 3 years and now this *mild SI and drinking*

[Luftballoons]

Okay I am seriously getting drunk because I cannot handle my mother. A while ago she said that she was just waiting until my grandparents (her parents) died so she could divorce my dad. Ever since then a part of me has hated her. And she is the cause of a huge amount of their problems because she has huge mental issues that are untreated. She's way overinvolved in my teenage sister's life because I guess she's not capable of creating a life of her own so she views my 17 year old sister as an outlet. And now she's upset over stupid teenage shit in my sister's life and talking on her facebook about taking my sister and moving away to "get away from it all" and it enrages me so much because she doesn't work or clean the house or do FUCK ALL with her life and I was standing in the bathroom earlier raging about this and actually thought for a brief second, "you know, it would have been just as well for her to have just died when she got cancer" which oh my god, I can't believe I thought that and I am a HORRIBLE person for thinking it and a bad daughter and I hate her so much sometimes even though I really love her and I am going to get totally drunk now. It's that or cut, and I can't do the latter because my boyfriend knows about it but has never seen me do it because I quit 3 years ago and he slipped one time and said it was disgusting and I'm just pulling out my hair.

[caged bird]

would talking about it with your sister/mum/boyfriend help somewhat?

try not to beat yoursel;f up for the way that you're thinking, we all go through patches where we totally hate other people, despite loving them more hten anyhting else (i think it's something that happens a lot in family realtionships)

take care of yourself xx