Before

[Beasty]

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?

Perhaps the even stronger urges will go away. The urge for someone else to do it, in a sort of erotic and amazing way.

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?

It will bring a lot of awkward questions and careful hiding. It will take away this incessant urge that is now obvious that it cannot be quelled.

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?

I dont know, christ i dont know. I just want it to be over with.

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?

Hopefully for a couple days. With my rotten luck maybe a half a day. When it runs out, this argument will start all over again, but at least there might be a little while of peace.

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. That's what I've been doing for a week now. It's either cut myself to rid myself of the urge for that sharp sexual encounter, or shut up and let it eat at me. I suppose its more obvious that the urge being fulfilled because she is no longer interested. I guess that hurts too.

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?

If I do nothing, it will be the same. Terrible longing. If I cut, maybe it will go away.

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

Problem being that the other thing is someone else doing it to me. Cutting accomplishes the same physical purpose without the sexual gratification. Doing nothing is painful.

Why does it feel like I just went around in a circle? This usually helps me. Instead I feel the same.

[caged bird]

sometimes it can feel a lot like going round in circles when the urges to SI are really bad becasue your brain is so intent on ensuring that you end up SIing.

have you thought about reading through the list of coping methods in sourcebook, perhaps you won't get the same feelings/release etc that you would from SI, but there might still be some relief