after....

[wilson]

* what had happened just before?
i thought about everything. friday. losing her. what people have said. i felt overwhelmed

* what were you thinking and feeling?
i could die right now and not one would notice cos i havent effected anyonese life

* why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
because distractions dont work anymore. and i felt like i could explode

* how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
distractions dont work anymore

* were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
lack of sleep.

* what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
none because they sont work anymore

* in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
i could of called someone

* name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
have a stickynote on my note board. remember

* how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution
no nothing is resolved. i hate the situation. hate hate hate

* are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
yes. the endless crying gives it away. and the memories. and the shaking

* what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
write about it.
talk to someone.
draw


About Opportunities to SI
Opportunity to Self-Harm seems to be a common theme. Think about why opportunities are important to slips and learn why opportunity is important to you.


* What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
i was alone. no one around. no one could know

* Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
it was there for the taking. and will be for the next week

* What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
i would of gone to the bathroom and SI'ed

* If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
increased

* What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?
being alone. having new tools. memories.

* If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?
angry. frustrated.



After You Beat an Urge
How do you beat your urges? Examine how you beat the last one so it can help you beat the next one.


* Did I identify what feelings were leading me to want to SI?
yes

* If Yes - What were they, and how did I figure them out?
memories. isnt hard to figure them out. its alwayes the same

* What coping skills did I use to deal with these feelings?
i used to write. but i cant anymore. i used none cos none work

* Were these coping skills the most effective I could have used?
pffft. not really seen as though i didnt use any

* If No - What coping skills got me through?

* Why do I think they worked?

* How can I deal with these feelings more effectively next time, before the urge to SI sets in?
call someone and talk about it.

[caged bird]

calling someone and talking about how you're feeling sounds like a really good idea, although i can realte to how hard that can be when you're feeling really bad.

is it that all distractions/other coping methods aren't working at the moment or just the ones that you ususally try, perhaps you need to change the things that you'd normally try to jolt them back into working again.

* what were you thinking and feeling?
i could die right now and not one would notice cos i havent effected anyonese life

i think even if you don't realise it you'll have affected other people's lives. i recently read a book called the 5 people you meet in heaven, it's about a guy who dies and he goes on to meet 5 people who he never relaly knew in life, but who have all been majorly affected by him and his actions.

is there anyhting else that you could maybe try for the next week or so whilst you've got good opportunities to SI to keep yourself a little safer?

[wilson]

all distractions and coping methods arent working.
latelye when i have an urge no matter what i do. no matter how hard i try my mind and body are determined to end up SI'ing. i cant escape it. its rather annoying and frustrating

as for something keeping me safe for the next week or so there sadly isnt much. cos i spend like 4 hours in the back room of a theatre by myself knowing that no one is going to wall in cos everyone is busy doing other things.

thanky you birdie.