My grandfather died *SI*

[Silver_Kitsune]

I just feel so devastated and depressed right now. On Friday, my father told me that my grandfather had died in the hospital.

I really miss my grandfather. He lived far away so I never got to see him much. But whenever I saw him, he was always wise and kind, telling me all sorts of useless trivia I'll probably never use but still interesting to know. I haven't seen him for maybe 4 or 5 years.

About a month ago, my father told me that my grandfather had a stroke. He was in the hospital from that. He also had kidney problems and diabetes, and they had to amputate his leg and some of his toes. I thought that everything would be alright.

Then my father tells me that my grandfather passed away. I just sat there in silence until we got home. I was kind of in shock. I thought he was doing well.

Me and my father were trying to find a home that we could share with my grandfather. Heck, my father and I were even planning to visit him this summer! But now, he's gone. I don't know what to do.

It just hurts so much, I can't even describe it. I really wish I would've been able to see my grandfather more. I just really wish that my grandfather had never died in the first place. He had done nothing wrong. He was such a great man, and now he's gone.

Over the last few days after the shock went away, I found myself horribly depressed. I haven't been this depressed in years. My antidepressants hardly even helped at all these last few days.

I fell back into the routine of when I get sad, I cut. I've been cutting a lot since my father told me my grandfather died. My mother and stepfather don't even seem to care about what I'm going through. They assume that just because I haven't seen him much means that I don't care about them.

When my mother's father died two years ago on August 14th, at least my father said that he'd be there for me. My mother has yet to comment on my grandfather's death. She hasn't spoke with me about it or anything. I guess she assumes that I'm alright.

Even my boyfriend, who hasn't even seen my grandfather, asked me if I was alright. I wanted to talk to him about what I was feeling, but it was like my voice wouldn't work. I couldn't speak at all.

I really don't feel like doing anything. I'm just so lethargic right now. It took a lot out of me just to do basic things like taking a shower or eating dinner. I just kind of want to curl up in a nice warm blanket with some chocolate ice cream and cry.

I'd love it if anyone could give me some advice on coping with my loss. I can't even think of anything right now, other than, "Why did he have to go?"

[plantt]

sorry to hear about your grandfather

it's hard for others to understand how a death can have an impact when it wasn't someone involved with daily life I think....

can you talk with your father about it?

are there things you could do in memory of your grandfather? write him a letter or make him something or such...?

[pinky]

i too am sorry to hear about your grandfather...

maybe you can make a memory box...write down some of the trivia he told you and keep them safe in the memory box...you can put whatever you want in the box and that way you always have your grandfather close to you...

[balletomane]

I am sorry for your loss. Pinky and plantt have some good suggestions. Be gentle with yourself.

[pelagic]

O.. I know how you feel. It's been just over a year since my uncle died, and the anger and the hurt and the pain is still there. I'm still battling with myself over it. I've been cutting so much over this past year.

It's almost like a ravaged hole in my chest, with this horrible feeling... I'm never going to see him again. Ever. Gone.

It hurts me to even think about him (which is why a memory box is not a good idea for me), but I do have ways of coping that I hope you find helpful.

If I feel really down (usually at night), I wash and style my hair, put on make up, try on different outfits, paint my nails... It distracts me, and calms me down. I play music (sometimes Disney... I have the Lion King 2 sound track) as I do this to keep me calm. I try not to think about it (some people call this repressing and unhealthy, but it's kept me going for a year). Warm, bubbly baths, hot showers, baking... Try to find a good book. Write, draw, listen to music.

Throw yourself into certain activities. I've been playing Neopets to cope It's an all-ages/little kids site, but it distracts me. I research different religions and spiritualities (although I do not agree with all of them, they are interesting to read), I've been eating healthier, and have gotten much more sensitive to the cold. I've been seeking warmth whereever I go, and wear what people say is 'too much clothing' for summer.

I really hope that you will cope with your situation much better than I have with mine. Self harming isn't the best way to cope. If you need to talk, don't hesitate to PM me.

[break the dayx3]

I'm so sorry to hear about your grandfather. I know how hard, and sad it is to lose someone close to you. I feel your pain, and you will get through this! You just have to look deep down inside and know that your grandfather is still with you, even if you cant see him anymore! I wish you the best of luck.

[pelagic]

Just remember that although self harming is a coping meathod, it won't bring back the ones you love. I am still trying to get through my own muddled emotions, but a book I am finding extremely helpful is "The Places That Scare You" by Pema Chodron. Since this book is Eastern Philosophy, you may not believe in it/agree with it, which I completely respect and understand; however, I do recommend it for dealing with painful times.

I really hope that you find a healthy way to cope with such an ordeal; I really feel for you. *hug*