A question, please, for SIers

Librariana · Post by **Librariana** » Sat Aug 11, 2007 11:39 pm

My parents know nothing. I've been this way for 36 years. My mother might have a little suspicion...she once told me I've been slicing myself on paper since I was a toddler.

I'm 39, and I just told my sister two weeks ago. She's the family secret keeper; we all go to her because she's good at it. You can talk to her and it doesn't go any further and she's kind and supportive. I'm not surprised she went into medicine.

I think at this point it would do more harm than good to tell my mother. I'm in treatment and trying to get help. Finally! It would make her question her parenting, when the reality is that it wasn't her fault and she was an excellent mother and she's one of my best friends.

BUT...if I had been brave enough to talk to her about it as a teen, I might not be going through all of this crapola I'm going through now. I'm fairly certain she would have helped me and been supportive. She always has been with other things.

zombiepeople · Post by **zombiepeople** » Sun Aug 12, 2007 8:34 pm

My mom saw me in my room one night without my hoodie...that's how she found out. She didn't really say much except she forced me to go to a psychiatrist and he forced em to go to therapy (which i don't really mind now, but hated then). When my mom found out i was still SIing though she got mad and threw morphine pills at me and yelled at me...she was drunk. She stopped being supportive after that.
my dad sort of just freaked out about it. My dad better understands it now though, so he's a bit more supportive of me. He still hates it though.

Uhlisuh · Post by **Uhlisuh** » Sun Aug 12, 2007 10:31 pm

Well, I don't think my dad would really care. He's not in my life so much.

I just don't know how I would bring it up. I think I would like to, as I said, to try to get some help. Even though I don't SI anymore - sort of - I'm very...

Some help would be nice.

raindreamer · Post by **raindreamer** » Sun Aug 12, 2007 10:41 pm

my parents found out when i went to a doctor for a seperate reason
they were very, very, angry at first but since then they've just ignored it

im not sure if someone's already mentioned this,
but ive heard of people telling family/loved one's through letters or emails
prewriting it gives you a chance to clearly phrase what you need to say
and gives the person you're telling time to get past initial reactions, which often arent very good
and when you talk about it for real later, the basic shock is over and there's less likely to be bad outcomes

Li'lRuby · Post by **Li'lRuby** » Mon Aug 13, 2007 1:09 am

My dad got really angry at me. My mom just cried. Haven't talked to them since about it

.

volta · Post by **volta** » Mon Aug 13, 2007 1:21 am

raindreamer wrote: im not sure if someone's already mentioned this,
but ive heard of people telling family/loved one's through letters or emails
prewriting it gives you a chance to clearly phrase what you need to say
and gives the person you're telling time to get past initial reactions, which often arent very good
and when you talk about it for real later, the basic shock is over and there's less likely to be bad outcomes

i totally agree. if i could've written it, i would've.

Uhlisuh · Post by **Uhlisuh** » Mon Aug 13, 2007 2:36 am

Writing a letter...

It could work. Or it could be awful.

It could go as planned and allow her to get over the shock. Or it would only give her time to get more worked up over it...

She unpredictable, like that.

Never Again · Post by **Never Again** » Mon Aug 13, 2007 4:14 am

um... i was like 26 and living on my own when my mom finally found out. go figure, after growing up in her house, and si'ing for 16+ yrs it took that long before she found out. what happened was i was sent i/p, and she was with me in hte emergency room. i had to wear a stupid johnny with short sleeves, and only had a little sheet to try and cover myself up. so she saw that my arms were all cut up, pretty bad. and i had scars all over the place. to make things worse, they stationed a cop outside my door for suicide watch.

i'll never forget the look on her face. it was just horror, and pain, and fear and heartbreak. she thought i had tried to kill myself, of course. she had no idea what si was, and why i would do this to myself. she's never asked me why i si. which does bother me. but i don't think i'm ready to talk to her about that yet anyway.

i dont' know... things are kinda don't ask don't tell now. if i cut, i keep it to myself, and she doesnt ask about it. it's all just weird.

Uhlisuh · Post by **Uhlisuh** » Mon Aug 13, 2007 5:40 am

I'm sorry it's like that, NotAgain. Maybe things will be better when you feel you're ready to talk about them.

+Warumono+ · Post by **+Warumono+** » Mon Aug 13, 2007 8:01 am

Well I still live at home but nobody knows yet. I was thinking of telling them soon though

shizzam · Post by **shizzam** » Wed Aug 15, 2007 6:19 pm

my dad basically told me to show him my cuts.. freaky parental senses.. but he like totally wasnt prepared for whatever. he just sat there looking kind of sad and clueless.. made me feel like shit.

he though i stopped though a couple months ago and i didnt really correct him.. this morning i left a note on the kitchen table.. i just told him that i hadnt stopped but i also asked him to just get all of the freakingout out of his system before he talked to me.. im hoping he'll take it ok

.. anyways good luck..

pelagic · Post by **pelagic** » Fri Aug 24, 2007 5:13 am

I don't think I will ever tell my parents. I admitted to a friend that I self harm, over an MSN conversation... My mom found the convo and read it, but only half (saying how it started when I cut myself shaving on purpose, pulling hair, pinching, slapping... etc), and she was very very upset. She felt like she failed like a parent. I showed her my wrists and said that I would never do that, especially because I don't want to hurt her. I'm a very convincing liar, and it's hard to live with.

But, in a way, it's because of my family I don't want to tell them. They will never understand. /Never/ And it'll only hurt them. And that would cause me more pain than the pain of me lying to them now. It's very difficult...

If you do end up telling your parents, I wish you the best of luck. Don't tell them during a family dinner, special occasion, holiday, or vacation... There are lots of other websites that could give you many tips. Google it; I got many results.

DecemberLivy · Post by **DecemberLivy** » Tue Sep 04, 2007 12:14 pm

I was stupid, in some small part of my brain I knew my mum would notice when I suddenly stopped wearing short sleeves and didn't walk about in a towel anymore. But that isn't how she found out, its even stupider than that. I was cutting once before bed and fell asleep on the floor. My mum came in in the morning to wake me up and saw everything. I can't really remember how she reacted, it was a bit of blur to be honest. She did the usual, trying to get me to a doctor, lecturing me, telling me off. I could have hated her, but there is one thing she did that was so comforting, so maternal, I clung to her through those few months. She went out and bought the most expensive scar gells and scar plasters/bandages, and every night she would clean the cuts and bandage them. I haven't heard of any other parent doing this before.

pelagic · Post by **pelagic** » Wed Sep 05, 2007 4:35 am

You are so lucky, Decemberlivy!

handmade mute · Post by **handmade mute** » Thu Sep 13, 2007 3:00 am

Good luck telling your family if you decide to do it. Have information for them on hand, because it is a pretty big thing to understand.

My school told my mum. And wow was she unimpressed. She got a call to the school because my sis was stealing from the canteen (we both worked in there) and heard about me at the same time. Bad day for her, really.

She was all manner of sympathetic to my sister, but decided I was copying my older cousin and had no reason to do it other than being an attention seeking brat. I just avoid the topic at all costs with her now.

Roxi · Post by **Roxi** » Mon Sep 17, 2007 10:12 pm

my mom knows. My T told her during a group therapy session. We had discussed it beforehand.. i was just glad that i didn't have to tell her.

She was really upset, tho she didn't cry, but she was so confused, wanted to know why- how she could help, etc...

i felt like i had sort of broken her heart, i mean no mother wants to hear that about her 16 year old daughter....

That all happened last week- this week i have to do the same thing, all over again: group session with my dad... oh well......

Beasty · Post by **Beasty** » Mon Sep 17, 2007 10:40 pm

My parents know because the guidance counselor told them behind my back. She was technically obliged but I was still pissed. They did not like it one bit and became very overprotective and paranoid. It wasn't a good experience.

ChaosCat · Post by **ChaosCat** » Tue Sep 18, 2007 10:07 pm

I still live at home with my parents. I told my parents after I had already been doing it for over a year. I thought they would see and get me the help I needed, but they didn't notice. I ended up telling them I SI because I felt like maybe there was something that could be done to help me stop feeling how I felt. My parents stopped trusting me. They started checking me for cuts. I don't feel like I can be honest with them anymore. If I had it all to do over again I wouldn't tell them. Ever.

Rakshasa · Post by **Rakshasa** » Wed Sep 19, 2007 4:12 am

It's easier to confide in one's parents if they're trustworthy and supportive, but not all parents are so kind. I wouldn't dare tell my mother about my SI, as she can be a selfish, hurtful person who has betrayed my trust about other things in the past. (Nowadays, I avoid her as much as possible.) My father simply wouldn't understand and would probably think I've lost my mind.

Confiding in someone is healthy because it allows you to sort through your emotions and issues -- and it helps knowing that someone cares and will listen to you. The important thing is to confide in people who will respect you and honor your trust. Some people's parents meet that criteria, while others do not.

ashley_dp · Post by **ashley_dp** » Sun Sep 23, 2007 1:09 am

I lived with my mom and step-dad when I started to SI. They still to this day don't know. I am currently living on my own and getting help for SI, depression, and PTSD. I hopefully will be able to tell them one day. It is going to take a lot of courage.

bus

A question, please, for SIers

SI and family

Who is online