- how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
i want to be strong. i don't want to be sad. i thought that my good mood would last all day, but it's fading and si will stop me caring so much. it will stop me sliding. - what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
it will bring clarity and calm. it will take away the possibility of coping w/o si, which i haven't really tried yet. - how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
i don't mind if i continue si in the long run. i would rather have a semblance of control though, and si only after i've tried other things. - if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
it will bring relief for most of today i think. i will probably be home again and then i can read, watch tv or play on the computer. - what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
i can play games online, email my sister, research internet access and computer monitors... if i leave the computer i will probably feel anxious and more likely to si.... i can also spend some time on uni work...
all these things will help me distract myself and help me sit with my feelings instead of blocking them out. it should help for a few hrs, and after that i will - eat lunch, go to the library? and go home... - how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
i will feel negative tomorrow if i si. i will hate myself (more). i will also probably feel powerful. if i distract myself i might be urgy again tomorrow, but i will probably be proud of myself for trying. - what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
i should be able to distract myself.
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.
