Depressed When Wishes Come True ?!

[pelagic]

Long story short: when I was seven and my cousin Erick was eight, we were best best friends. But mom left his dad (My uncle) and moved across the country, taking my cousin with her. I haven't seen him since, and once a year IF HE'S LUCKY he is permitted to phone us for a few minutes, as long as his mom is listening in on the conversation. She has been telling him how much we don't care about him since he was eight, which is a really impressionable age. I miss him so so much and I wish constantly that, maybe, someday he'll be allowed to visit us.

Tomorrow, I will meet him again.

I should be happy. I really should! I'm going to see him for a whole week! My dreams have come true!

But instead of happiness, I feel horribly depressed, and so hollow inside, it's like an ache. I'm scared to see him. We don't know eachother anymore, and I'm rather panicky about the whole situation.

I guess this seems silly, but I'm depressed about seeing a long lost cousin and best friend, and I don't know what to do.

[Licentia Poetica]

The way you describe it... I think "depressed" is the wrong word? Or perhaps the feeling of depression comes from other feelings you are having, like you mentioned.. the nervousness, the fear that you won't know each other.

To me they sound like perfectly normal things to be feeling in this situation, that will likely calm down after you actually do meet and realise you have a lifetime to catch up on.

I hope it goes well for you, I can tell you care for him

[pelagic]

Yeah.. I suppose depression might be the wrong word.. I mean, I've been feeling down for a while, I guess I mixed up emotions with eachother and their situations. I just cannot understand why I am dreading the moment. In less than eight hours I'll see him.. It's really scary.

Thanks for the reply.. Heh, I just joined this site a few hours ago. I didn't know they had boards for talking and coping with problems. Sometimes it's easier to talk about this stuff with complete strangers going through rough times than friends you know who aren't.

[Licentia Poetica]

Well, you dread it because it's scary. Scary doesn't have to be a bad thing. It just means you care enough to want it to be okay. If you were feeling completely indifferent about it, and not nervous at all, it would mean you didn't care.

I didn't realise you were new

Welcome!

I'm El, I mod this forum, so welcome to coping specifically I hope you find what you're looking for here. Sometimes it's easier to talk to strangers than people you know, weird as it may seem.

[pelagic]

Heh, thanks

Well.. Thanks for the replies, it does reassure me a bit =)

[HeCallsMeLadybug]

hmm something like that is happening to me.
except I never met the person before and after like a year I finally am.
I was so excited and could barely wait until it was concrete that he was coming.
and now...for some reason Im not.
Im scared and a part of me doesnt want him to come.
I feel so bad that Im not as excited as he is well...not excited at all.

[pelagic]

Yeah, my cousin is here now, and at many moments its great -- we get along all right. But it's outside my comfort zone, I guess, or something, because although I like seeing him again, I just want him to go home... or... Well, I get sick of people easily, I take everyone in small doses, so I guess that's why...

[HeCallsMeLadybug]

well try your best not to think to negatively about it.
try to make yourself optimistic...atleast for his sake.
it'll be back to normal soon enough.
I'm alot like you in that way.
I'm not very good with being around people.
I'm not sure if it's because people annoy me or my self-esteem.
I dont know. Just try to be positive everything will be ok.

[pelagic]

Yeah, I don't like people very much either. It's not my self-esteem, it's just that I overall don't like the majority of the human race.

Optimistic.. Sometimes, you wonder if people are truly optimistic, or just in plain denial, heh.

[HeCallsMeLadybug]

yea I know what you mean. People most of the time just get to me horribly. but lately I've been trying to look at it differently.
I know I can't get better until I decide to get better and I cant do that without changing my outlook on life and everything in it.
In some people being optimistic is like being in denial.
but sometimes its faith. that everything will be ok.

[pelagic]

I know what you mean... Well, sometimes I guess I'm semi-optimistic... When something bad is happening and it's lasting a long time, I just remind myself that even five minutes ago is a memory, its done, its my past, and through all the misery I've went through, well I survived that, so I suppose I'll survive this too. Faith is something I cannot understand, but I do think that you can change your physical world with your mind (very true -- obese people have been given sugar pills, telling them that they'll lose weight insanely, and they did). That's why my self-esteem is more or less all right: Our world's ideal beauty is a distorted, unnatural, twisted mutant, and good looks are all in the mind.

[HeCallsMeLadybug]

Yea faith is a rather new thing to me.
Ive just been finding it in the last year but I dont quite have it down yet.
Youre lucky and try to keep your self-esteem up.
I find thats the thing that gets me.
I dont like myself so I dont care what happens to me.
I always look to the world to see if im beautiful.
I havent fully convinced myself yet that they are wrong.
Because Im just as messed up as they are.
If it isnt too personal I want to ask you a question you dont have to answer if you dont want to.
Are you a Christian?
I dont mean religion like go to church regularly nothing special but do you seek God?
Thats the only thing I found that could help me.
When I refer to faith Im talking about my faith in Him.
I know it sounds cliche but it saved me.
Dont get me wrong I still have a heck of a long way to go.
But atleast now I feel like Im going forward instead of backwards.
and that my feet are finally on the ground.

[pelagic]

It's okay, I don't take offense to controversal topics/questions.

And no, I'm not, nor ever will be, Christian. I am an Athiest, but I am considering becoming a Buddhist. I believe in a lot of things they say, and there are no concrete rules. I cannot understand believing in an Almight Divinity, but I can respect their decisions, as long as they don't try to convert me or say I'm going to hell for what I believe in (not many do, only the fanatics).

Oh, don't look at others to see if you are beautiful. It's distorted, the physical world is not important. A blind person can talk to three people and see which one is beautiful, pretty, and hideous, not seeing their physical apperance.

[pelagic]

I suppose, if believing in an Almighty helps and heals you, then by all means, believe in Him or Her. Personally, I believe religion only divides us all, forces us to hate one another, which is also why I love Buddhism, for Buddhists are told to respect other people's faiths and decisions, never to judge, and to love all living things.

[HeCallsMeLadybug]

Thats what christianity is about too. Except most people choose to ignore that part. there are over 30 verses on love and acceptance in the bible and only a handful on judgment. but for some reason alot of people judge before they love one another. I dont believe in religion for that reason. there's too many messed up ways of thinking and traditions wrapped up in it. When I say Im a Christian I mean I seek a relationship with God and I cherish Jesus. maybe if you learned more about Christianity it would seem more appealing. I dont know thats how I was.
Im a born again Christian until last year I thought it was all just crap.
I dont know.