write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
I saw the Doctor. She thinks I may have damaged a nerve. Wants to refer me to specialists. I don't care now. I don't know why I reacted this way. My head is funny and I feel crap.
I also have college tomorrow, first time in mainstream since I went IP, induction day.
- how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I'm likely to do more damage to nerves so it'll get worse. - what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
Just make it more risky, crapper. - how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I don't know and I don't feel like I care - if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
Enough, tonight. - what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
See the specialist. I know I should. - how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
Crap either way - what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
But I am scared of my risk levels.
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.
I can't answer the others. I don't feel strong enough yet.
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