write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
- how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I'll get the relief i'm so desperately needing, the situation it'self won't change, but i guess the feelings will temporarily disappear - what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
it will calm me and make it easier for me to sleep, it will take away my feelings of being able to cope without SI - how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
feeling about *this* in the long run - and right now I just want it to go away, i want to feel less SU and i want to be ok. i guess logically maladaptive coping mechanisms won't help that, but it will stop me feeling as SU as i do right now - if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
i know the relief won't last all that long, but it will be long enoughfor me to sleep, maybe even long enough to decide what i should do in the morning. when it wears off, i guess i'll just SI again, or find people to talk to tomorrow - although i'm scared of calling - what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
right now i'm a little limited on options as it's 2am. i could do some distractions, or i could sleep, bith would be nice but i'm struggling to do either. nothing is going to make me feel less SU right now, so the situation won't really change but i guess by the morning i might feel better - how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
i'll feel more worthless if i hurt myself becasue i'll feel like i'm not good enough to be here if i can't stop my SI. if i distract myself i guess i'll still feel much the same in the morning, except more tired, and if i sleep, maybe i'll feel better have taken sleeping tablets so am hoping they will kick in soon and make me tired - what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
i guess i really want to OD, or SU. but i know that neither is a realistic option, mostly i just want calm in my head, i want the thoughts to stop swirling, i want a break.
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.
More Before Questions To Answer
- Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
lots of little things today. i'm still feeling SU, haven't been out or socialised, have eaten too much today, done some stupid stupid thigs that have made me feel really worthless, i can't mae the thoughts in my head stop. i've had enough - Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
it's always different
- What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
i've been playing online games, mooching on BUS and have cried a bit, listened to music, - How do I feel right now?
a little less triggered and urgy, but still a bit frightened of myself - How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
calm and relaxed - How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
guilty and useless - Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
i can stop doing things that trigger me, but i feel lie i can't sort this out unless i face things - only they tend to trigger me - Do I need to hurt myself?
i hate this question, always by the time i get here i see the word need and think - do i ever really 'need' to hurt myself. right at this precise moment in time i don't need to - and i don't want to. but i now that if the SU thoughts keep coming then SI is a better option, i just have to be careful and hide any tools etc to mae it harder for me. i just know it's impulsive when it happens and i stop thinking at the moment and just do it - that bothers me
