Another After....

tools to help you assess your urges before you give in to them, and to help you understand and learn from slips after they happen. by posting here, you're saying that you are serious about exploring the feelings behind your self-harm in depth, whether you're ready to stop hurting yourself or not. to request posting access, click usergroups above and join before and after.

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chero
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Another After....

Post by chero » Mon Jun 18, 2007 1:03 pm

have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
i have


what had happened just before?
just the thought of another day was more than i could take.


what were you thinking and feeling?
I was thinking how did i get here? what happened to my life? i feel lost and alone and scared and ashamed.


why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
because it's the quickest and easiest. final straw? dealing with an abusive alcoholic husbands rants...again.


how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.

i could have not taken his phone call and dealt with him. i should have known better.

were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?



what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
there wasn't time to try anything else. i have to go to the ofc. i have a life to take care of...obligations to fulfill...meetings to attend.


in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?


name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.


how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
I feel worse about it. it's not resolved but maybe now i can make it through my day or at least my morning. :(


are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
sadly, yes. it never leaves me.


what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
1) call my pastor
2) journal
3) surround myself with people

hmm...i didn't think i could come up with three


What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
i was alone and needed to feel alive and okay


Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
opportunities are always there.


What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
i probably would have freaked out inside and left to find opportunity.


If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
decreased. :(


What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?

usually being alone but i have done it with others in the next room. that's unusual for me. usually being alone.

If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?
OMG! trapped.

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LBC
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Post by LBC » Mon Jun 18, 2007 10:11 pm

Hi Chero

I read your Before post...please, please, please give yourself credit for taking the steps to get away from your abusive husband. You've taken a big, brave step away from a life that you don't deserve, but it's understandable that you're feeling scared...if self-injury has been a coping strategy in the past, it's not surprising that you're feeling drawn to it now.

I think it's very positive that even in what's obviously a very difficult time, you're still coming here to try to work out what's behind your urges and slips. Try to remember that this isn't about judgement - it's about learning. You said so yourself that you didn't think you could come up with three things you could commit to trying instead of self-injury the next time you feel like this...and yet you did! Great work.

You mentioned that you have a pastor...what's the rest of your social support system like right now? Are there friends from church or work that you can count on? Are you receiving any counseling? What about family? I have not been in your situation, but I'd imagine that having a strong support system would be an important thing for you right now.

Please be gentle with yourself...keep us posted on how things are going.

:1paw:
If you believe everyone is the future
If you believe that nothing ever goes wrong
If you believe that deep down inside you're really falling apart
Know that everybody's weak and everyone can be strong. - Sloan

You always have a choice.

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chero
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Post by chero » Tue Jun 19, 2007 4:16 am

I recently started counselling. It's very hard. I told her about the SI.

My pastor knows about it. But nobody else in my life does. I guess. I haven't told but I'm sure they wonder when they see the scars. I don't know? People don't say anything. I'm not close with my family.

I love my husband very much. We have been married for 12 years but I didn't start to SI until three years ago. I was 30 then. I feel so old. Life with an alcoholic is a nightmare and once the abuse started...what's worse than a nightmare?!

I used to blame the SI on him but I'm not so sure anymore. I don't know?

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ChaseThisLight
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Post by ChaseThisLight » Tue Jun 19, 2007 4:40 am

Hopefully counseling will be beneficial for you, and you can perhaps work through the difficulties of life with an alcoholic. Please continue to take care of yourself.
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chero
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Post by chero » Tue Jun 19, 2007 12:50 pm

I'm okay. I mean I guess I'm not but I should say, "I'm fine." That's the proper thing to do and my mother would be pleased.

Thank you very much for your concern. It's an odd place I've found myself.

Yesterday I SI [a few] times. I don't know why.

Thank you

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