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chero · Post by **chero** » Fri Jun 08, 2007 2:32 am

write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge.

I know that even if I feel good right now, that good feeling won't last forever and this way I can remind myself of the pain.

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?

if i do this now then i know that the when the sadness comes back i'll have a reason for it.

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?

it will bring remembrance. it will take the good--the good that isn't real or lasting

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?

in the long run??? i don't want to have done it.
farther and father away.

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?

it won't last and i'll have to do it more often. it is never enough.

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?

i'm all alone. there isn't anything else to do.

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?

i'll feel ashamed and worried someone will find out. i'm already thinking about what i might wear tomorrow to hide.

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

honor it? the guilt over not doing it weighs as heavy on me now as the guilt i feel for wanting to do it.

urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

is that true?

More Before Questions To Answer

Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?

i feel like i'm dying inside and i want to remember that i'm alive.
years of struggling to keep it together for everyone else has brought me here. i'm so angry at all those people who require so much of me. it's too much. i can't do it anymore.

Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?

the only way i deal now is to si.
it makes me feel validated and reminds me i'm alive.

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?

i've tried to stay busy taking care of other things for everyone else. this is for me to remember i'm alive and i can feel.

How do I feel right now?

burdened. like a big weight is sitting on my chest and i can't move it off. i'm scared and ashamed.

How will I feel when I am hurting myself?

numb and sad and alive.

How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?

after i won't think about it--i'll just enjoy the pain and knowing it's there. tomorrow i'll hide and pretend it isn't there. i won't think about it. i'll just feel it and know.

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?

No. i can't avoid life. i'm the one that keeps everything together.

Do I need to hurt myself?

maybe i'm not real if i don't feel anything--so in that way yes, i need to.
on the other hand i don't need anything--but i want to.[/b]

mallie · Post by **mallie** » Sat Jun 09, 2007 12:09 pm

i feel like i'm dying inside and i want to remember that i'm alive.
years of struggling to keep it together for everyone else has brought me here. i'm so angry at all those people who require so much of me. it's too much. i can't do it anymore.

Is there any way you can express your own feelings IRL? A safe person?

It is no good at looking after everyone else, if it means you get run down doing it. Is there anything you can do to releive some of those feelings?

chero · Post by **chero** » Sat Jun 09, 2007 2:22 pm

What's IRL?

I'm too busy with obligations to relieve anything any other way. I can't imagine how anything else would make me feel better.

mallie · Post by **mallie** » Sat Jun 09, 2007 3:03 pm

IRL = in real life.

Are all your obligations really obligations? Are there any of those that you don't have to do? Spending all your emotional energy on other people isn't going to help you, and if you burn out, you won't be able to keep up with doing these things.

chero · Post by **chero** » Sat Jun 09, 2007 10:00 pm

I cut out what I absolutely could but then I get the guilt trip about those things that I'm taking a break from.

I don't know. I keep thinking things will slow down but I know that then I'll have all new reasons to SI.

Sometimes it just feels like too much.

And I don't want to stop even though I know I should. I want to SI because it makes me feel better. It makes me sad, too.

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