Heidi4battle coping place *SA - replies and advice welcome

heidi4battle · Post by **heidi4battle** » Mon May 07, 2007 11:20 pm

Hi! I am using this as a place to cope with my problems. Right now I think the biggest thing I need to cope with is my past sexual abuse. I am having a lot of nightmares at this point in time.

heidi4battle · Post by **heidi4battle** » Wed May 23, 2007 11:06 pm

I was sick last week and missed therapy. I am still feel yucky but I went to counseling. I am thinking about showing her all my writings. I think I willl show them next week since I mention one of today today in session. I am feeling sad and anger about what my cousin did to me. It hurts me and my self esteem.

Licentia Poetica · Post by **Licentia Poetica** » Thu May 24, 2007 1:28 am

That's understandable.

Well done for reaching out.

Have you coping mechanisms to use when you're feeling vulnerable?

heidi4battle · Post by **heidi4battle** » Thu May 31, 2007 7:04 pm

In therepy today we made a self-soothing list
1. attending church
2. Bubble bathe
3. Hugs from sister
4. Journaling
5.Deep Breaths
6.Popcorn with a good movie
7. Christian Rock Music
8. Keeping myself safe
9. Talking to my therapist.

++Jigsaw++ · Post by **++Jigsaw++** » Fri Jun 01, 2007 12:13 am

The Christian rock music helps make me feel a bit better about what happened. It was my step-father and ex-bf though not my cousin. If you want to talk about it with someone whos been there feel free to add me to msn or email me Gods_jigsaw@hotmail.com

I hope you can work through this so you can learn and grow from it and leave it as part of the past so that it doesnt affect your future. Always remember it wasn't your fault, and you have nothing to feel bad about.

heidi4battle · Post by **heidi4battle** » Mon Jun 04, 2007 11:45 pm

Today I had thereapy we made a plan for me to day to keep me safe. I said it will take a mircle for me to feel made and I know that that mircle can happen but it will take time. One of the things I am thinking about trying to do is maybe write letters to my cousin but not send them to express how I feel about him and the abuse he has made me endure. Is there anyone who have try this? or anything else that has helped them to cope.

heidi4battle · Post by **heidi4battle** » Wed Jun 06, 2007 8:38 pm

One of the things I need to cope with right now is accepting that because my sisters were abuse as well means that the abuse was not my fault. To tell the truth I afraid of totally accepting it because it means that my cousin who was like a brother to me was a total jerk and that he never really care for me at all. I think one of the things that I need to let go of is my bad thoughts and feeling for myself. I think that one of my best coping things to do is to learn to love and nurture myself. Anyone else out there struggle with learning themselves?

++Jigsaw++ · Post by **++Jigsaw++** » Thu Jun 07, 2007 12:42 am

The letter writing is a good idea. It helps to kind of clarify your own thoughts i suppose and express them which makes it that teeny bit easier to deal with. Are you close with your sisters? if they went through it too it might help you to speak with them. See how they have dealt/are dealing with it.

You seem to have pretty good advice for yourself lol. Listen to you

One thing that helped me but took a very very long time for me to be able to do achieve forgiveness. I read somewhere about what it means to forgive and how much you grow form it and how you cant move on untill you can forgive. But it also said that you dont neccessarily (sp) need to forgive the act but the person. I dont think i can ever forgive what was done to me but i forgive 'him' for doing it to me and i also learnt to forgive myself and beleive that it wasnt my fault. And i told him that which i think helped us both a little.

Sorry for the long post lol.

heidi4battle · Post by **heidi4battle** » Thu Jun 07, 2007 11:19 pm

Thanks for the advice don't worry about it being too long I could care less. I am struggle right now with depression and SI urges. I think my problem is hormares. I am thinking about seeing a DR to see if they can't give me something to fix my levels so that it will help lessen my depression because even before this my depression was bad enough. I am not going to hurt myself no matter what.

Licentia Poetica · Post by **Licentia Poetica** » Fri Jun 08, 2007 2:45 am

Keep up the determination

JadaKiss · Post by **JadaKiss** » Mon Jun 11, 2007 7:27 pm

You know, I was SA as a child, and as a teen, so I know what you're feeling. I have already healed form that, but what I wanted to tell you is that I am glad you're talking about it to a T and making lists of things you can do. Writing a letter to your cousin, sending it or not, would be a great way for you to vent honestly and not hold back! I think you should send it, and why not? I'm not sure how long ago it happened, but if it's affecting you now it might be worth the wake up call on your cousins end.

Thank you for creating this coping space for you. Now I can come here and talk and feel good for being here with you.

I'm listening to "Who Am I" by Casting Crowns... I love that song... there's so many that I love, but right now that song is perfect for me... what are some of your faves right now and by what bands?

heidi4battle · Post by **heidi4battle** » Mon Jun 18, 2007 11:08 pm

I am doing okay right now. I did have to go to the hospital for SU thoughts and severe depression. They put me on Prozac and I start a day program tomorrow which I think will help me out a lot.

++Jigsaw++ · Post by **++Jigsaw++** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 12:39 am

heidi4battle · Post by **heidi4battle** » Tue Jun 26, 2007 11:53 pm

I am hanging in there. I have been in a day hospital now for a 1. It is going okay. I am having a hard time right now trying to cope with my aunt having to go back into a hospital because it makes me feel anxious and scared and the feelings can be overwhelming sometimes but I am able to come up with alternatives to SI. I had to use a new alternative method for a first time. I am going to either call it a partial or fake sI. The way it works is that I go through the rountine but insteas use a red marker. I don't know what you all think about that one.

++Jigsaw++ · Post by **++Jigsaw++** » Wed Jun 27, 2007 5:53 am

I hope the markers work for you

it didnt for me becaus eithink for myself its more about felling it than seeing it but i found that ice cubes helped a little in that area.

good luck

vampire_kisses · Post by **vampire_kisses** » Tue Jul 03, 2007 8:55 pm

Hiya!

Sometimes what I do, when I have my tool I try to do other things until the urge passes.
Scrape off my nail polish and such
But it can be verryy tempting and I don't really recommend it unless you already have your tool all set.

I have learned one thing:

Your nail gets shiner when you scrape off the top layer

heidi4battle · Post by **heidi4battle** » Fri Jul 06, 2007 9:23 pm

I am doing okay right now. I have been SI free now for 7 weeks. I am learning at the day hospital that when dealing with anxiety you need to find ways to slow down your mind because when having a panic anxiety attack it is fast pacing thing. I am beginning to realize that I need to stop blaming myself for the SA because it was not by fault and that I did nothing wrong.

++Jigsaw++ · Post by **++Jigsaw++** » Mon Jul 09, 2007 1:29 am

Im so proud of you, its huge step to take to realizing that.

congratulations on being 7 weeks free - thats so good!! x

Post by **Spidey** » Mon Jul 09, 2007 1:53 am

congrats on being 7 weeks free.

heidi4battle · Post by **heidi4battle** » Mon Jul 16, 2007 9:58 pm

Thanks it is now eight weeks I have been SI free. I believe the day program is helping me to cope because I can bring things up in group and the staff is very surporting. I am stilling have to cope with the fact that I was SA by my cousin. It is hard but I am worth taking the time out to heal even when I don't think so. The abuse is not my fault that is a fact that is true even if my emotions try to tell me other wise.

Heidi4battle coping place *SA - replies and advice welcome

Heidi4battle coping place *SA - replies and advice welcome

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