write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
The panic I am feeling seems like that shadow. I believe the panic is stemming from the afternoon I spent with my mother and her husband. Times with them are always difficult, but I was trying to be the dutiful daughter.
- how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I will feel calmer and less panicky, but my family will still set me on edge if I hurt myself or not. - what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It will bring calm and take away my panic. - how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
In the long run I would like to get through my panic episodes without the need of SI. Hurting myself will not get me to this. - if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
Relief is brief. It will last while I am cutting and only until my guilt sets in. - what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I could do more distracting. I have been making jewelry to distract lately. I could watch the TV that is on. I could pray. These things could bring about change only through distraction. The change will not last long, and then I will have to find more diversions. - how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
Tomorrow I'll feel guilty if I hurt myself. If I distract and distract and distract I will have more earrings and necklaces to sell at the next craft fair. - what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I really want some comfort to get through the panicked feelings. As an alternative to this as I am alone right now, I will wrap up in my soft blanket and try to sleep.
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.
More Before Questions To Answer
- Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I feel panicky, most likely from spending the afternoon with my mother and her husband - Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
No, I don't think I"ve been precisely here in this situation before. - What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I took some pills which I shouldn't have done. I don't know why I did. It's not something I usually do. I can go back to making jewelry. I can go to sleep - How do I feel right now?
Panicky - How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
Calmer, more settled and focused - How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
Guilty, guilty, guilty - Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I need to find a way to deal with situations in which I panic afterwards. If the panic is inevetable, then I need a way to get by without SI. - Do I need to hurt myself?
Need to, no. Want to, yes.
Remember you don't have to answer all the questions if you don't feel up to it.
Love,
Stevie
