I would know what I'm feeling again. I'm bland right now. I don't know what to call this... I guess I'm "okay"...
I'm kindof confused. I'm also tired.* what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
bring:
-feeling
-relief from blandness
-sadness/anger/tension
-self worth... (yes, that sounds odd... but it came to mind)
take away:
-self respect
-swimming on my class trip
* how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to feel. I don't know what to do with this bland feeling. I want passion back, preferably passion for life, though I'd go a glance at passion for death. Yes, I think it would get me closer to both of those.
* if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
It might last a day or two. Then I'd be back here to make another choice.
* what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I could go to sleep and hope I wake up with more feeling. It will maybe restore some of my energy... though, I've been sleeping a lot and I haven't been getting much energy from that sleep. Then I would wake up and have to go off to a boring day...
* how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I would feel more tomorrow if I hurt myself tonight.
* what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I would like to hurt myself and then sleep and stay in bed for a couple days, but that's a bad idea, so I won't. I probably should just sleep.
* Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I've been feeling very bland and lifeless in the past week. I like to be more exciting. I feel both boring and bored.
* Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
Yes, I've been here before. Sometimes I slept, which never really helped. Sometimes I had enough to keep me entertained outside of myself, but that's not the case right now. Sometimes I ate and vegged in front movies... which passed time, I guess. And sometimes I hurt myself, which most often worked.
* What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I've tried to keep myself entertained and awake.
* How do I feel right now?
Bored. Tired. Bland, like a soggy water cracker.
* How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
first, like a more crunchy water cracker, and then more exciting (maybe a salted cracker?.. with cheeeeese?
)... um, I guess I'd feel more alive and anxious and tense.* How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
I would feel alive and interested in the world. I would probably also feel more alive in the morning.
* Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
Deal with it better... um........... by leading a more interesting life?
* Do I need to hurt myself?
No, i don't NEED to.... I do WANT to. But I will not. I only need to hold out another week (our trip is next week)........
