nothing seems to work

badgirl22 · Post by **badgirl22** » Mon May 07, 2007 4:55 am

I am so down..down in that pit of a pit...No dbt or other skills seem to be helping me...I just have resorted to cutting again, and I think I was su on friday. Anyway, I am trying to get threw and my t. calls me and I tell her I cut that it has been 24 hours since I cut, and she says she can't see me tomorrow cause she had surgery on her face and its hurting...She wouldn't even see me later in the week. I am feeling abandoned and hurt at the moment and I am feeling like I don't matter..like what I do whatever I do doesn't matter anymore...I wish I could just die now..I wish everything would just go away.
I am not coping well.
-Badgirl22

plantt · Post by **plantt** » Mon May 07, 2007 4:58 am

how are you defining 'help'?
surgery can take time to get through.

badgirl22 · Post by **badgirl22** » Mon May 07, 2007 5:16 am

help is a tool that makes my anxiety and other emotional rollercosters cool down a bit so I can handle them.
And it has been 24 fucking hours after I cut so my T. should have been more understanding. And yes, she had surgery and yes she needs to get better but it just didn't seem like she really was wanting to help me threw this..she suggested the tip skills again and I have been doing those for the last 3 hours. It just seems like my anxiety is going up not down even doing those skills....
-Badgirl22

plantt · Post by **plantt** » Mon May 07, 2007 4:49 pm

luckily those skills aren't 'once only' things. you could do them for hours on end.... & if it kept you going then where's the harm?

maybe it'd seem nice at times if therapists weren't human & could instantly feel fine & be as understanding as wanted..... really doesn't sound good to me.

maybe she didn't sound terribly understanding on the phone. maybe her face was hurting & you were hearing effects of that.
sounds like she did take the time to talk with you a bit & did give you suggestions even if you didn't like them.
she didn't have to do that.

collide · Post by **collide** » Tue May 08, 2007 6:21 pm

hey i understand some of the frustration and anxiety you are going thru...i mean it sucks big time when you are going thru some rough times and then your T can't be there totally for u...i mean, it was good she called u and gave u some tips to help u cope, and i think that was great of her...but if u need more help sounds like with your therapist still recovering from surgery, maybe try calling a help line...i know it's not the same as having your real T, but at least u can talk to someone....

collide

Arcadia · Post by **Arcadia** » Fri May 11, 2007 12:03 am

anxiety is terrible. am here for you. try not to think too badly of your T, I doubt she would hurt your feelings deliberately

badgirl22 · Post by **badgirl22** » Fri May 11, 2007 6:15 am

WOw, today is thursday night and I am still feeling SU..I told my t. I would hold off till tomorrow so she is going to call me tomorrow. I told her the hospital doesn't help and she agrees with me so I took a freezing cold shower and that seemed to help for about 5 seconds...she said that was good, and we can work from that. She is worried about me but that is her job and so she called me 4 times after the first time I called her and she wasn't there....I guess that is good. Its just I am finding it difficult to hold on...I feel so alone and I feel like no one is with me. I feel so much like I want to die and I want to cut so bad that I would die but I told my t. I wouldn't cut till I talked to her tomorrow...I am just so tired of being in hell.!!!! It hit me so fast, and I was doing so well to for such a long time???WHy??Why now???
-Badgirl22

Arcadia · Post by **Arcadia** » Fri May 11, 2007 3:23 pm

you are not alone. you have everyone on bus and in a way, everyone on the planet. do everything possible to distract yourself, and hold on.

badgirl22 · Post by **badgirl22** » Tue May 22, 2007 4:32 am

eded up going IP and stayed there for a week and 2 days. I dono..commign back from one ofthese stays is had for me to manage. I just feel hopeless still. and very very urgy..
-Badgirl22

JadaKiss · Post by **JadaKiss** » Thu May 24, 2007 10:12 pm

badgirl22 wrote:help is a tool that makes my anxiety and other emotional rollercosters cool down a bit so I can handle them.
And it has been 24 fucking hours after I cut so my T. should have been more understanding. And yes, she had surgery and yes she needs to get better but it just didn't seem like she really was wanting to help me threw this..she suggested the tip skills again and I have been doing those for the last 3 hours. It just seems like my anxiety is going up not down even doing those skills....
-Badgirl22

Maybe you could call into where you go to Therapy and request a temporary sort of emergency therapist? I know that would be hard, due to trust and all of that, but there's got to be something.....

nothing seems to work

nothing seems to work

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