Right Now I Feel... Version 2.0

Lynds · Post by **Lynds** » Sun Mar 25, 2007 2:48 pm

I feel shit and I'm fed up with it

Silentdancer · Post by **Silentdancer** » Sun Mar 25, 2007 6:26 pm

content, exhausted.

zombiepeople · Post by **zombiepeople** » Sun Mar 25, 2007 7:47 pm

lonely, though I'm not too sure why, suspicious, worried, bored

sockr28 · Post by **sockr28** » Mon Mar 26, 2007 5:52 am

like giving up
urgy
self hate

wilson · Post by **wilson** » Mon Mar 26, 2007 1:08 pm

i feel i need to cut i need to cry i need to hurt and i need to die
i feel so alone i feel unaware i feel so down i need to beware

Quiet little Angel · Post by **Quiet little Angel** » Mon Mar 26, 2007 1:55 pm

proud and hopefull

styled_wrong · Post by **styled_wrong** » Mon Mar 26, 2007 3:46 pm

upset, scared, lost alone

black_23 · Post by **black_23** » Mon Mar 26, 2007 8:22 pm

very nervous, tired, fragile, teary

fire eye'd boy · Post by **fire eye'd boy** » Mon Mar 26, 2007 11:43 pm

Right now, I feel...

dissapointed in/ frustrated with myself because I slept through all my classes again today, just like all of last week. I told myself I wasn't going to do that. I even woke up at 8 am. And then... went back to sleep. Why did I do that? I couldn't figure out what to do next, which way was up or down, nothing to guide me, and just took the path of no resistance.

What I'm going to do about that:
I'm going to start setting two alarms again. Since my phone broke I've been terrible about getting up. I have to make sure my phone's charged sot that it can be my backup alarm. Also, the night before, I will lay out the clothes I'm going to wear for the next day. If I put on clothes then I'll stay awake. I'm also going to go today and buy some more coffee. And I'm going to make a playlist for wake-up music.

Also, I feel... tired. Just... tired. Of everything. Depressed? But I've been sleeping 15+ hours a day and I still feel tired. Maybe I've been getting too much sleep?
I'm not sure. I feel... isolated. The only time I see anyone is late... that's when all my friends hang out. And I feel isolated all day, and I want to be around people, so I hang out with them late, and then I'm tired and oversleep.

I am... disgusted. With myself. I want to punish myself for doing things that would make me feel that way, and also to escape from feeling that way. Lately I've just been escaping.

How can I punish myself constructively?

I guess I'm confused. I feel worthless and stupid. All my problems are my own damn fault. I need to get control of myself. I need... discipline.

Ok... well... first things first. I'm not going to smoke weed today/ hang out with friends late. And I'll see tomorrow if that helps me wake up when I want to.

So , to review , for today (so I can write this on my whiteboard)
1) plug in phone- check alarm.
2) buy coffee/ filters.
3) do laundry? - lay out clothes for tomorrow
3) clean room.
4) make music playlist (this will be fun)
5) don't smoke!

6) Instead of smoking I will: try to catch up on class work, instead of avoiding it.

This is, um.... something I'm actually kind of scared of, especially since I don't have help this time. This whole class thing has happened before, and it's always acompanied by (other) self-destructive impulses... yeah. I'm still trying to figure out why I've been doing this-- why I've let myself do this-- but for now, I just have to stop letting myself escape into the familiar.

Oh!- and I'll shave. That's always a good outward self-indicator that I'm changing something.

But what happened? I used to be such a perfectionist.

calypso · Post by **calypso** » Tue Mar 27, 2007 2:56 am

totally zoned out

the edge of the world · Post by **the edge of the world** » Tue Mar 27, 2007 6:16 am

hi!!!!

eek! I'm super-buzzed! It turns from happy-hyper to anxious hyperventelating to accidently -*si*- thwacking myself in the head (well... semi accidently... I guess some part of me tells my arm to move, but it surprises me and i jump) to a neutral wide-awake feeling.

disorriented, a little.

eyes don't like to focus very well..

awful concentration like i'm a goldfish.

jumpiness.

I'm not sure whether this is a good or a bad feeling... it's like I shoved them together. good bad angry happy sad self-hating self-loving content disorriented hyper exhausted..... and then I get confused thinking about it and my brain isn't thinking very well/clearly and I can't type fast enough.

I blame it on sleep deprivation.

K8ty · Post by **K8ty** » Tue Mar 27, 2007 6:23 am

Very anxious, hungry

calypso · Post by **calypso** » Tue Mar 27, 2007 12:53 pm

screwed

balletomane · Post by **balletomane** » Tue Mar 27, 2007 5:04 pm

sick.

Post by **strmdncr** » Tue Mar 27, 2007 5:21 pm

confused, frustrated, disappointed, tired, kind of down, scared (though don't know of what)

MusicalMorphine · Post by **MusicalMorphine** » Wed Mar 28, 2007 4:23 pm

So scared.

Porcelain_Doll · Post by **Porcelain_Doll** » Wed Mar 28, 2007 9:38 pm

Stressed
Urgey
Upset
Tired

myshelle · Post by **myshelle** » Thu Mar 29, 2007 1:21 am

tired

relaxed

anxious

guilty

serenity

acdcrocker1909 · Post by **acdcrocker1909** » Thu Mar 29, 2007 3:19 am

I feel.. tired.. drained.. low.. unable to sleep...rundown.. unwanted...

cinitrom · Post by **cinitrom** » Thu Mar 29, 2007 3:34 am

bleh.
vaguely suicidal (should, want to, won't.).
slightly helpful.
tired?

bus

Right Now I Feel... Version 2.0

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