Your emotional "To Do" list
- Licentia Poetica
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Your emotional "To Do" list
When feeling overwhelmed, it's easy to dismiss reality and just sink feeling like "everything" is wrong. The thing is, you can't fix "everything". You can fix some things, dismiss others, and cope with rest. But you can't fix "everything", when it's put like that. It has to be broken down.
So I'm just going to write a list of everything I can't cope with, and what I'm going to do about it.
Kitty grief - not much I can do about it but allow myself to be sad and cry and know it will hurt less someday
Uni - Timetables is fucked. Subjects are fucked. I'm going to email Tracie, and my lecturers. I'm going to go to all the classes I can as best I can work it out and do my best with homework until Tuesday, and let my coordinator Tracie work it all out then.
Suicidality - I didn't buy the means. I need to validate my feelings and keep hanging in there and putting off what I want to do. I need to tell my doctor. I need to take some time out for myself. I need to call lifeline if I'm very actively so.
My friend - I will tell her honestly about everything that's happened and let her know I'm not functioning at my best. So if I see her tomorrow she will know already, and it doesn't matter. I need to get over her knowing about my SI & depression crap, she will get used to this in time.
The guy who annoyed me today - It's over. It was just one idiot, wrong time wrong place. It doesn't mean everybody is scary and going to do that.
Anxiety with people at uni - I need to keep hanging in there. It should settle down more when my classes are sorted and I've gotten into the swing of things.
Organisation - I need to write out a list and plan about other stuff i'm going to do, like homework and stuff. Right now, I need to email lecturers. Then I want to get caught up with bus, places etc. Then I need to organise when I'm going to do my work. Then I need to think about planning for next week and fixing up stuff for the fashion show. Diary and to do list.
Okay. *sighs*
So I'm just going to write a list of everything I can't cope with, and what I'm going to do about it.
Kitty grief - not much I can do about it but allow myself to be sad and cry and know it will hurt less someday
Uni - Timetables is fucked. Subjects are fucked. I'm going to email Tracie, and my lecturers. I'm going to go to all the classes I can as best I can work it out and do my best with homework until Tuesday, and let my coordinator Tracie work it all out then.
Suicidality - I didn't buy the means. I need to validate my feelings and keep hanging in there and putting off what I want to do. I need to tell my doctor. I need to take some time out for myself. I need to call lifeline if I'm very actively so.
My friend - I will tell her honestly about everything that's happened and let her know I'm not functioning at my best. So if I see her tomorrow she will know already, and it doesn't matter. I need to get over her knowing about my SI & depression crap, she will get used to this in time.
The guy who annoyed me today - It's over. It was just one idiot, wrong time wrong place. It doesn't mean everybody is scary and going to do that.
Anxiety with people at uni - I need to keep hanging in there. It should settle down more when my classes are sorted and I've gotten into the swing of things.
Organisation - I need to write out a list and plan about other stuff i'm going to do, like homework and stuff. Right now, I need to email lecturers. Then I want to get caught up with bus, places etc. Then I need to organise when I'm going to do my work. Then I need to think about planning for next week and fixing up stuff for the fashion show. Diary and to do list.
Okay. *sighs*
If we knew each other's secrets, what comforts we should find.
John Churton Collins
- VowsOfSadness
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Nicole- It's over. I know I keep saying that but I have to understand that it's over. I need to realize it will take time to move on no matter how much I say I'm over it.
School- I wouldn't be so stressed if I just went to class. But Doc appointments are also becoming a hassle interrupting school.
Work- Hey at least I don't live there--yet!
School- I wouldn't be so stressed if I just went to class. But Doc appointments are also becoming a hassle interrupting school.
Work- Hey at least I don't live there--yet!
*Challenges welcome*
I always love a
I woke up this morning, I suddenly realized we're all in this together.
Drop by my place & say hi
Ask me anything!!!
I'm fully Recovered!
I always love a
Drop by my place & say hi
Ask me anything!!!
I'm fully Recovered!
<b>issues</b> take care of them as best i can until i find a t or someone i can talk to / work with.
<b>increased anxiety / fear</b> ride it out as best i can. keep trying to be nice to myself and deal with it that way
<b>current down-ness</b> hope it goes away =/
<b>increased anxiety / fear</b> ride it out as best i can. keep trying to be nice to myself and deal with it that way
<b>current down-ness</b> hope it goes away =/
-marya hornbacher
spidey immer voran
(spidey ever onward)
feeling down/in pain/overwhelmed - when I'm feeling like this I need to reach out to people. Even if it's not to talk about the bad feelings or the bad things that are happening in my life, even if it's just to talk or to listen to someone else talking, I realise that's what I need to do as much as I'm able and I need to do it irl, not just here. I'm realising that hearing another person's voice really does help. Even if it's just hearing them talking about random 'stuff'.
my family - I need to realise that I can be there for my mum when she's feeling low/suicidal, and I should be, but that I can't fix her. Just as she can't and never could fix me. I need to keep telling myself that until it sinks in. I need to be there for her but take time away when I start to feel it getting unbearable or too much. Even if that means withdrawing for a day or two, because there ARE other people who can be there.
there's other stuff but that's a start.
my family - I need to realise that I can be there for my mum when she's feeling low/suicidal, and I should be, but that I can't fix her. Just as she can't and never could fix me. I need to keep telling myself that until it sinks in. I need to be there for her but take time away when I start to feel it getting unbearable or too much. Even if that means withdrawing for a day or two, because there ARE other people who can be there.
there's other stuff but that's a start.
- Quiet little Angel
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Berlin-notberlin trip if Ki works out a way that will work for both of us i'll go and then deal with tellin H that our plans will have to be moved but i still love her... if Ki doens't work something out then i'll go with H and try and put the rest behind me...
essay try and get it done tomorrow but stop worrying about it just because it's 3 weeks overdue... it'll get done when i can worrying wont help...
school hold up my facade as best i can... talk to my guidancecounseller and have her help me make it all a bit easier...
dad get out of his way nothing else i can do i just have to not worry about it... it's out of my hands...
essay try and get it done tomorrow but stop worrying about it just because it's 3 weeks overdue... it'll get done when i can worrying wont help...
school hold up my facade as best i can... talk to my guidancecounseller and have her help me make it all a bit easier...
dad get out of his way nothing else i can do i just have to not worry about it... it's out of my hands...
/May
Never underestimate the power of silence...
micro-chipped mental cyber twins taking over NewZealand...
ever reached out for someones hand only to find it wasn't there?
My place of happy-scared-random-thoughts dealing with motherhood and anxiety, visitors welcome
Never underestimate the power of silence...
micro-chipped mental cyber twins taking over NewZealand...
ever reached out for someones hand only to find it wasn't there?
My place of happy-scared-random-thoughts dealing with motherhood and anxiety, visitors welcome
Work - Need to stop worrying about the new and focus on learning and dealing with it one day at a time, rather than panicing, which won't help. If I don't know I must learn to ask. I can do this,,,,,
Confidence - it is there sometimes, need to believe in it more. Will listen to my tape, if I ever get the time or belief in it.
Guilt its not totally my fault Im not there, need to stop blaming myself and tkaing it all persoanlly, it would be messed up whether I was there all not. Just need to do individual nice things to help them one by one.
Negative/SI thoughts cope and ride through it, if it gets that bad, maybe give in and speak to someone rather than pretending its all ok, guess that's all confidence
Confidence - it is there sometimes, need to believe in it more. Will listen to my tape, if I ever get the time or belief in it.
Guilt its not totally my fault Im not there, need to stop blaming myself and tkaing it all persoanlly, it would be messed up whether I was there all not. Just need to do individual nice things to help them one by one.
Negative/SI thoughts cope and ride through it, if it gets that bad, maybe give in and speak to someone rather than pretending its all ok, guess that's all confidence
'Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life' Picasso
'IS THERE NO WAY OUT OF THE MIND?' Sylvia Plath
My Poetry
http://buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=97459
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'IS THERE NO WAY OUT OF THE MIND?' Sylvia Plath
My Poetry
http://buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=97459
My Place
http://buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=97307
- StevieLynn
- bus mechanic
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Great thread, El!
Anxiety over moving - suck it up. Get packed, drive to my sister's then Aunt Chris's, then NC. Move in. This anxiety will lessen as I get settled into my new place.
Grief - allow myself to cry if I need to. That's what you do when someone dies. It's ok to cry.
Edginess/Mania - go snowboarding. Give myself the adrenaline rush to burn off some of the excess energy.
Anxiety over moving - suck it up. Get packed, drive to my sister's then Aunt Chris's, then NC. Move in. This anxiety will lessen as I get settled into my new place.
Grief - allow myself to cry if I need to. That's what you do when someone dies. It's ok to cry.
Edginess/Mania - go snowboarding. Give myself the adrenaline rush to burn off some of the excess energy.
In Which Something Oooh Occurred
And it felt like a winter machine that you go through and then you catch your breath and winter starts again, and everyone else was springbound. And when I chose to live, there was no joy, it's just a line I crossed. I wasn't worth the pain my death would cost, so I was not lost or found....But when you live in a world, well, it gets in to who you th ought you'd be. And now I laugh at how the world changed me. I think life chose me after all.
--Dar Williams
And it felt like a winter machine that you go through and then you catch your breath and winter starts again, and everyone else was springbound. And when I chose to live, there was no joy, it's just a line I crossed. I wasn't worth the pain my death would cost, so I was not lost or found....But when you live in a world, well, it gets in to who you th ought you'd be. And now I laugh at how the world changed me. I think life chose me after all.
--Dar Williams
- pretty
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<b>Uni</b> - On Saturday I will get everything out, see where I am up to, make a plan and get started.
<b>Exhaustion</b> - Get to bed *early* tonight with a dvd.
<b>Grief</b> - Ride it out. Write about it. Visit the grave Don't avoid it - let myself be sad. Talk about it.
<b>The state of the house</b> - Nag A to sort it out
<b>Frustration at lack of focus/concentration</b> - Get everything else under control, then work on it slowly.
<b>Depression etc</b> - Sort everything else and it *will* get better. Get some exercise, even if only a walk.
<b>Exhaustion</b> - Get to bed *early* tonight with a dvd.
<b>Grief</b> - Ride it out. Write about it. Visit the grave Don't avoid it - let myself be sad. Talk about it.
<b>The state of the house</b> - Nag A to sort it out
<b>Frustration at lack of focus/concentration</b> - Get everything else under control, then work on it slowly.
<b>Depression etc</b> - Sort everything else and it *will* get better. Get some exercise, even if only a walk.
'this is what she says gets her through it,
"if I don't let myself be happy now, then when?"' - jimmy eat world
place
"if I don't let myself be happy now, then when?"' - jimmy eat world
place
- treasure
- forum moderator - workshop & before & after
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uni - keeping my enthusiasm is not as hard as it seems. i'm doing well considering.
su thoughts - you have phone numbers to ring, so use them before you think you need help. stop yourself, rather than letting thoughts build momentum.
money issues - i may have to rely on charity. i may have to ring my parents and ask for money (despite the fact they are generally as poor as i am). i can face this cos it is not impossible. i will make a budget that lets me have money to spend on myself a little, and see how much i might need. i will look up that info i got ages ago on debt/legal advice. i will pay one bill at a time, my phone connection is less important than i think it is.
si - have a look at the coping questions. is numbness really going to solve anything? you can always si after you feel overwhelmed, not before, and maybe the feelings won't be as bad as you think.
su thoughts - you have phone numbers to ring, so use them before you think you need help. stop yourself, rather than letting thoughts build momentum.
money issues - i may have to rely on charity. i may have to ring my parents and ask for money (despite the fact they are generally as poor as i am). i can face this cos it is not impossible. i will make a budget that lets me have money to spend on myself a little, and see how much i might need. i will look up that info i got ages ago on debt/legal advice. i will pay one bill at a time, my phone connection is less important than i think it is.
si - have a look at the coping questions. is numbness really going to solve anything? you can always si after you feel overwhelmed, not before, and maybe the feelings won't be as bad as you think.
- zombiepeople
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School-I just need to stop worrying so much about everything that I do.
Mom-I need to forget, and try to deal with the fact that I can't see her anymore for awhile.
SU thinking-Try to talk to people, relax and do something to distract myself
SI/depressiondo something fun, like make a craft or play a videogame
Mom-I need to forget, and try to deal with the fact that I can't see her anymore for awhile.
SU thinking-Try to talk to people, relax and do something to distract myself
SI/depressiondo something fun, like make a craft or play a videogame
- waxbutterfly
- building community
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grief -- i need to just aknowlege the fact that i'm grieving, and allowed to grieve, and that that's ok. i need to take some time out and finally deal with her death, and how i feel, and the fact that i miss her so much it aches. i've got to stop running away from this or it will sit inside me forever. i should probly write something, or paint. maybe i will paint her something.
ending things with B -- i haven't let myself be heartbroken, mostly because i feel like such an idiot, but i need to do that. this is basically the same thing as above...i need to take some time off from life and shedule and deal with emotions instead of pretending i don't have any. i just ended an engagement...i need to stop saying that i'm just fine.
si/anxiety/mania -- i need to start being more proactive about dealing with urges. i need to journal about how i'm feeling at the time, and i need to stop spending so much time alone because it makes things worse.
school/relationships at school -- i just need to ride this out. i know things will get easier when i've been here longer. the first few weeks are bound to be hard, but i need to see things with some perspective...i know i will get used to the classes, and i know i will make some friends. it will just take time.
the future -- there's not a whole lot i can do about this. it will happen eventually. worrying about what i'll do and where i'll live and all that isn't really helpful. i'm not in a place where i'm able to make any arrangements, so it's no use to work myself up about what i can't control.
eating 'issues' -- i don't want to work on this right now. and i do. and i don't. i need to take better care of myself/be more healthy about what i do eat at least. i know if i was better nourished i'd feel better physically. sigh.
ending things with B -- i haven't let myself be heartbroken, mostly because i feel like such an idiot, but i need to do that. this is basically the same thing as above...i need to take some time off from life and shedule and deal with emotions instead of pretending i don't have any. i just ended an engagement...i need to stop saying that i'm just fine.
si/anxiety/mania -- i need to start being more proactive about dealing with urges. i need to journal about how i'm feeling at the time, and i need to stop spending so much time alone because it makes things worse.
school/relationships at school -- i just need to ride this out. i know things will get easier when i've been here longer. the first few weeks are bound to be hard, but i need to see things with some perspective...i know i will get used to the classes, and i know i will make some friends. it will just take time.
the future -- there's not a whole lot i can do about this. it will happen eventually. worrying about what i'll do and where i'll live and all that isn't really helpful. i'm not in a place where i'm able to make any arrangements, so it's no use to work myself up about what i can't control.
eating 'issues' -- i don't want to work on this right now. and i do. and i don't. i need to take better care of myself/be more healthy about what i do eat at least. i know if i was better nourished i'd feel better physically. sigh.
is it getting better, or do you feel the same? does it make it easier on you now you've got someone to blame? well it's too late tonight to drag the past out into the light. we're one, but we're not the same. we've got to carry eachother.
- U2
- U2
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Uni: You've dropped the subjects, now you need to get a meeting organised with your coordinator about graduating mid year with.. well, anything. Getting out of the unhealthy, unsupportive environment is better than hanging on to get a degree you now have no intention of using. It isn't a failure, it's prioritising. And why pay for a whole year of uni more than you have to?
Family: The cuz thing: Your mum shouldn't have blamed your older cousin for your SI. You know it's wrong, so why are you wondering if you were a bad example to your younger cousin? If you want to protect her, keep trying to talk your mother out of the 'get over it' chat your mother thinks is necessary. If your cousin wants to come here for a break, more power to her. She's welcome, though call her mother first and see if it really was her idea that your mother stays over too. It probably wasn't. Explain, if that is the case, that between an active SIer and a youth worker, there really isn't much you can't handle, nor tricks you don't know. Tell your cousin how much you love her. Maybe make her a love journal or something??
Family: the other cuz thing: Well, if her partner in the business treats you badly again, pull the woman aside and ask what her problem is. If she doesn't like you being there, leave. It's her problem if she can't see the advantage of having two extra pairs of hands. You're only there to support the cuz anyway.
B: You've offered suggestions. Only she can make use of them. She has to want to help herself, stressing and worrying won't help. It isn't all your fault, you need to stop feeling guilty, because there's a lot more going on in her world than dealing with you. Do what you can, when you're able, but stop beating yourself up about the fact it isn't as much as she'd like. If you can't do it, you can't do it, and all the guilt in the world can't change it. It doesn't matter if it annoys her, you can only do as much housework as you're able.
Urges: You are doing so, so well. But you need to stop using your cousin as an excuse. You stopping won't have much of an impact, since you rarely see her anymore. You've gone about 6 months, you know, so enjoy it. Things are hard, and it's getting harder not to, but be kind to yourself instead of feeling like you need to have an iron grip on your emotions. If you fall, you fall. It isn't the end of the world.
Therapy: Go back. Even if you hate him, go back while you find someone better.
J: Do what you're doing. Keep the phone off the hook. You've talked her through what's happening in her life, but you're not physically able to sit for hours listening to the same thing over and over. Only she can change it. You've given the same suggestions more than enough times, if she isn't going to listen, why waste your breath? You can't emotionally support everyone when you're already drowning in stress. She's a big girl. She knows how to change the situation. If she won't do it, why should you have to listen?
FTC: I know she thinks it's a great place for you to be, but really, their treatment of you the other day was kinda rude. Give it another chance, since you're taking everything so personally right now, but then, if you're still not comfortable, leave. Just because she loves it there doesn't mean you have to.
BtB: Keep going with it, even though you want nothing more than to throw in the towel and say it's too hard. You've made a commitment, and it's actually good for you to be looking inwards so much, and finding positives.
Stress/anxiety: Well, it's hardly a shocker you're stressed, is it? All you can do is try and do things that relax you. Try to journal more, so that things aren't just kept inside, and write in your worry journal each night so maybe you'll get a good night's sleep.
Family: The cuz thing: Your mum shouldn't have blamed your older cousin for your SI. You know it's wrong, so why are you wondering if you were a bad example to your younger cousin? If you want to protect her, keep trying to talk your mother out of the 'get over it' chat your mother thinks is necessary. If your cousin wants to come here for a break, more power to her. She's welcome, though call her mother first and see if it really was her idea that your mother stays over too. It probably wasn't. Explain, if that is the case, that between an active SIer and a youth worker, there really isn't much you can't handle, nor tricks you don't know. Tell your cousin how much you love her. Maybe make her a love journal or something??
Family: the other cuz thing: Well, if her partner in the business treats you badly again, pull the woman aside and ask what her problem is. If she doesn't like you being there, leave. It's her problem if she can't see the advantage of having two extra pairs of hands. You're only there to support the cuz anyway.
B: You've offered suggestions. Only she can make use of them. She has to want to help herself, stressing and worrying won't help. It isn't all your fault, you need to stop feeling guilty, because there's a lot more going on in her world than dealing with you. Do what you can, when you're able, but stop beating yourself up about the fact it isn't as much as she'd like. If you can't do it, you can't do it, and all the guilt in the world can't change it. It doesn't matter if it annoys her, you can only do as much housework as you're able.
Urges: You are doing so, so well. But you need to stop using your cousin as an excuse. You stopping won't have much of an impact, since you rarely see her anymore. You've gone about 6 months, you know, so enjoy it. Things are hard, and it's getting harder not to, but be kind to yourself instead of feeling like you need to have an iron grip on your emotions. If you fall, you fall. It isn't the end of the world.
Therapy: Go back. Even if you hate him, go back while you find someone better.
J: Do what you're doing. Keep the phone off the hook. You've talked her through what's happening in her life, but you're not physically able to sit for hours listening to the same thing over and over. Only she can change it. You've given the same suggestions more than enough times, if she isn't going to listen, why waste your breath? You can't emotionally support everyone when you're already drowning in stress. She's a big girl. She knows how to change the situation. If she won't do it, why should you have to listen?
FTC: I know she thinks it's a great place for you to be, but really, their treatment of you the other day was kinda rude. Give it another chance, since you're taking everything so personally right now, but then, if you're still not comfortable, leave. Just because she loves it there doesn't mean you have to.
BtB: Keep going with it, even though you want nothing more than to throw in the towel and say it's too hard. You've made a commitment, and it's actually good for you to be looking inwards so much, and finding positives.
Stress/anxiety: Well, it's hardly a shocker you're stressed, is it? All you can do is try and do things that relax you. Try to journal more, so that things aren't just kept inside, and write in your worry journal each night so maybe you'll get a good night's sleep.
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