Candys Coping Thread

tips on how to cope: dealing with your feelings, dealing with the consequences of self-harm in your life. share your ideas and maybe pick up some new skills, too. you don't have to want to stop to learn something new here.

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Candy
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Candy's Coping Thread

Post by Candy » Mon Mar 05, 2007 6:04 am


Here is poem that I like and I hope you like it, I did not write this,but someone gave this to me:
The Oak Tree
A mighty wind blew night and day. It stole the oak tree's leaves away
Then snapped its bough and pulled its bark until the oak was tired and stark
But still the oak tree held its ground while other trees fell all around
The weary wind gave up and spoke "How can you still be standing,oak?"
The oak tree said" I know that you can break each branch of mine in two,
Carry every leaf away,shake my limbs and make me sway
But I have roots stretched in the earth,growing stronger since my birth
You never touch them,for you see,they are the deepest part of me
Until today I was not sure of just how much I could endure
But now I have found,with thanks to you,I am stronger than I ever knew

I hope everyone likes it and It means alot to me when I am starting to feel like I am not strong enough and I want to share it with you all. Have a great night and I will be back tomorrow evening. Have a great night
:bcatsmile:
I am in a dark place like a turtle afraid to deal with the pain that I do not want to feel,but eventually I will slowly face my pain,like the turtle when he comes out of his shell.

To find yourself,think of yourself first.
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Candy
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Candy's Coping Thread

Post by Candy » Tue Mar 06, 2007 2:58 am

I am not doing good today,someone at the day treatment program,stole my cig case,and my anxiety level is really bad,I feel like doing SI,but I am trying to fight it;plus my mother is being very abusive to me today,and I can not stand how she treats me. She makes me feel guilty for someone stealing my cig case. I had trouble getting on the bus web board tonight and that did not help. I did not do much today,but sleep,cause the anxiety went into a panic attack and I am having trouble breathing. I feel so alone right now and scared,even though my boy-friend is here,I do not like the way I am feeling,the anxiety has got me where I can not do anything that I want to do,and that is even worse. I am sorry that I have not been on sooner, I could not get on for some reason. I just wish I felt better and my mother does not help at all. I am trying very hard to cope and do some stuff out of my coping box,but the anxiety just is making it hard for me to function with anything,and I see the doctor this Wed.,and I think my anxiety medication is not working and I am sooo tired of this,it is getting so hard for me.I am sorry that I am going on,I just need to vent right now,my mother called me stupid,for someone stealing my cig case,and it is not my fault,and it hurts. I am trying to relax and calm myself down,but it is not easy for me. I am doing the best I can and I hope everyone else is doing ok. I am going to watch t.v and I will be back on later. hanging in there right now :star:
I am in a dark place like a turtle afraid to deal with the pain that I do not want to feel,but eventually I will slowly face my pain,like the turtle when he comes out of his shell.

To find yourself,think of yourself first.
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Candy
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Candy's Coping Thread

Post by Candy » Tue Mar 06, 2007 6:08 am

I am feeling somewhat better than I did last earlier,but I could be better. My boy-friend is sick and I am afraid that he will be in the hospital,and I am afraid that I will be lost without him if that happens,I know he needs to get well,he is on antiobitcs,but they seem to be not working.I keep telling him to take care of himself,and to get some rest,and he better listen,cause I love him and I do not want anything to happen to him. I am watching t.v and I will be going to bed soon. I already took my medication for the night and I have the day off,so I have things to do around here,like clean my apartment,my nurse is coming to do my meds,and then my case-manager is coming over. So I have things to do,but when the anxiety gets soo bad that I can not function,that is really not good,and I told my therapist about it today,and I will be seeing the doctor Wed,and hopefully I will feel like myself again soon,cause I do not like feeling this way. I hate the anxiety it is really getting to me. I am doing the best to cope,but when it gets to bad,it is hard to do anything that I want to do in my daily life,and that part is scary. I am going to relax the rest of the night and I will be going to bed real soon. I did not do any SI today,and that was not easy for me,but I got through it. I will be back on the bus tomorrow,since I have the day off. I am going to get a real good night sleep and take care of myself. Have a good night. Be back tomorrow :bcatsmile:
I am in a dark place like a turtle afraid to deal with the pain that I do not want to feel,but eventually I will slowly face my pain,like the turtle when he comes out of his shell.

To find yourself,think of yourself first.
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Candy
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Candy's Coping Thread

Post by Candy » Tue Mar 06, 2007 5:20 pm

I got up and cleaned my apartment,but I am noticing that my anxiety is gotten worse,my boy-friend told me and I see it in myself. I am going to do things that will keep me busy today and try to relax,the only thing that is coming good is that I have not done any SI,and being on the bus has helped me alot. I have alot to do and I am going to try to take it easy and get things done. I sleep good last night and that helps me alot.I going to do positive things for myself,cause I need to do it. I am glad that I got my apartment cleaned today,I have a few more things to do,but it will not take long,then the rest of the day is mine to do what I like to do and I need that right now.I am going to relax and try to do something positive for myself,cause the anxiety is getting worse instead of better,and I just want to feel better. I am hanging in there and doing the best I can. I will be back on the bus later on. Rough times for me right now :bcatsmile:
I am in a dark place like a turtle afraid to deal with the pain that I do not want to feel,but eventually I will slowly face my pain,like the turtle when he comes out of his shell.

To find yourself,think of yourself first.
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Candy
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Candy's Coping Thread

Post by Candy » Wed Mar 07, 2007 12:05 am

I finally got my apartment done and I just woke up from a nap, I was so tired out. I met with my nurse and my case-manager and that went pretty good. It was a good day,even though I did not do anything out of my coping box,cause I got some cleaning done and that helped my anxiety alot,by keeping busy like that. I took my medicaton and that is good,even though I slept,cause there are alot of times I forgot due to sleeping. I have not done any SI today and that is a good thing,so I have done alot of positive things today,just need to do more for myself that will make me feel better. I am glad that I post here,cause this is one of my coping skills that I enjoy,but I need to do things that are fun as well. I am going to relax for now and watch Reba cause I like that comedy show. I will be back later on. :bcatsmile:
I am in a dark place like a turtle afraid to deal with the pain that I do not want to feel,but eventually I will slowly face my pain,like the turtle when he comes out of his shell.

To find yourself,think of yourself first.
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Candy
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Candy's Coping Thread

Post by Candy » Wed Mar 07, 2007 5:56 am

I am not doing soo good, I had a slip with SI,I was doing so good and the anxiety came on sooo strong,and I try everything to control it and I feel so bad,I went three weeks without doing it and then I messed up. My boy-friend left and everything was going good,and then my anxiety came on too strong and I need to release the uncomfortable feelings,I should of came here or done something else,I feel quilty for it,but I have to remember that I am doing alot better than I was before,and I need not to be so hard on myself,easy said then done. I am nervous about seeing my doctor in the morning and what she is going to say,and it got the best of me. I would of talked to my boy-friend about what was bothering me,but he is not feeling good and he had to get home. I am not happy with myself right now and I have to remember to get back on track when this happens not sit here and punish myself,easy said though. I am just watching t.v and probably go to bed soon. I have to leave early in the morning,cause I have to see my doctor at 8:30am,I feel bad about what I did,and to try to remember that I did positive things around the apartment today,but I need to start doing positive things for me and I have to start punishing myself to do that. I just need to vent and get this out in the open. I will be going to bed real soon,cause I am not feeling happy with myself right now,and I need to remember that tomorrow is a new day. I will be back on the bus tomorrow evening,cause I have program as well as seeing the doctor.I am going to take care of myself right now and get some sleep. I am hanging in there and that is all I can do for myself. :star:
I am in a dark place like a turtle afraid to deal with the pain that I do not want to feel,but eventually I will slowly face my pain,like the turtle when he comes out of his shell.

To find yourself,think of yourself first.
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Post by one out of none » Wed Mar 07, 2007 11:18 pm

Hi Candy,
Just thought I'd drop by and leave some hugs for you.

:1hugs: :bluestar: :bluestar: :1hugs: :bluestar: :bluestar: :1hugs:

Sorry to hear things are difficult at the moment. I hope that they get better soon for you.

I also hope the doctor and programme went well, and that tomorrow brings something good.

Wishing you all the best
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Candy's Coping Thread

Post by Candy » Thu Mar 08, 2007 1:19 am

I had a rough night last night,cause I did SI,and of course I am not happy with myself. I went to see the doctor this morning and she put me on xanax and Paxiil,one is for me anxiety and the other was is for depression. I slept most of the day,cause when I took the xanax,it made me very tired after I got home from program. I am sitting here and watching t.v with my boy-friend,and I even called my case-manager and told him about what happen last night,and he told me not to push myself for my actions and go on that today is a new day. I know that the medications is going to take time to work,and I have to be patience with it. I made a promise to myself that I am going to do something positive for myself,even if it is writing in my journal,or doing something out of my coping box,which will be more like Friday,cause I have day treatment program tomorrow,but this is also positive thing to do,by posting on the bus,but I think I need some fun things to do as well,cause that is what I need right now. I am going to hang in there and rest,and I will be back on the bus later on :bcatsmile:
I am in a dark place like a turtle afraid to deal with the pain that I do not want to feel,but eventually I will slowly face my pain,like the turtle when he comes out of his shell.

To find yourself,think of yourself first.
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Candy
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Candy's Coping Thread

Post by Candy » Thu Mar 08, 2007 4:00 am

I am doing pretty good right now,the medications are helping me alot and I feel so relax,and that is probably what I needed,and I am going to go to bed early,cause I am soo tired.I am proud of myself for today for not doing any SI,even though I feel guilty for what I did last night,but I need to let it go and start over again. I made a promise to myself that friday is going to be my day,to do positive things for myself and I am going to keep that to myself. I hope everyone is doing ok here and I am glad that I am posting here. I want to get my haircut friday and then do something around the apartment that is relaxing for me,whether is my writing in my journal,coloring or doing a puzzle,and tomorrow I plan on writing these things down so I have a plan of positive activities for myself. I am watching t.v,but with the new medicaton that I am taking it is making me tired,and I do not know how long I will be up tonight,feeling tired. I have program tomorrow and I will be back on the bus tomorrow evening. I know that it will take awhile for my depression medicaton to start working,they say about 2 weeks,and I am going to have to give it a chance and be patience with myself;plus start using my coping skills that I really need to use for myself right now. I am going to take care of myself right now and get some sleep. I am just taking it one minute at a time and that is all that I can do for myself. I will be just fine. I will be back tomorrow evening. Have a great night everyone :star:
I am in a dark place like a turtle afraid to deal with the pain that I do not want to feel,but eventually I will slowly face my pain,like the turtle when he comes out of his shell.

To find yourself,think of yourself first.
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Candy
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Candy's Coping Thread

Post by Candy » Thu Mar 08, 2007 8:56 pm

I just got home from program and I had a pretty good day, I know that it will take time for my medication to start working and I have to be patience with myself,but when I want it to happen,it never does,that can get frustrating as well. forgiving myself is never a easy thing to do,and I am trying very hard. I promise myself that I was going to do positive things for myself tomorrow,cause I have the day off,and I plan on doing it. I am going to lay down for awhile and take it easy,I just wanted to post and let anyone know how I am doing.I am taking it one minute at a time and that is all I can do for myself right now. I will make a list of all the positive things that I want to do for myself later,so I can make sure that I do it. I am trying so hard to be in control so I do not do any SI,and I know that I have the strength,I just need to use it. I will be back on the bus later,going to relax for now. :bcatsmile:
I am in a dark place like a turtle afraid to deal with the pain that I do not want to feel,but eventually I will slowly face my pain,like the turtle when he comes out of his shell.

To find yourself,think of yourself first.
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Post by one out of none » Thu Mar 08, 2007 9:45 pm

Hi Candy,
I'm glad to hear that today went well. You deserve to be good to yourself, and I hope that you can think like that too. The list of positive things sounds great as well.

Enjoy the time off!
:star:
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Candy
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Candy's Coping Thread

Post by Candy » Fri Mar 09, 2007 3:14 am

I am doing pretty good,I took a long nap,cause I was tired and I am sitting here watching t.v.. I plan on getting my haircut tomorrow and writing in my journal,and I want to work out of my coping box as well,but for the rest of the night I am going to take it easy. I am trying to give myself good positive affirmations and to start thinking positive things about myself and to feel those good things,it has been hard to do that,cause I am not use to them,it is hard to explain,due to my illness,which is Borderline Personality Disorder,which is the system of my illness. Thanks for the post you put in,it made me feel better. I am going to relax and take it easy,and do the best I can. I need to beable to express my feelings and emotions better and to beable to let the painful ones come in and accept them,without doing SI. I am going to watch t.v for awhile and I will be back on the bus later. :bcatsmile:
I am in a dark place like a turtle afraid to deal with the pain that I do not want to feel,but eventually I will slowly face my pain,like the turtle when he comes out of his shell.

To find yourself,think of yourself first.
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Candy
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Candy's Coping Thread

Post by Candy » Fri Mar 09, 2007 6:23 am

I had a great night,and I just took my medication for the night and I will be going to bed real soon. I am feeling tired and I know that it is because I am not use to my new medications and it will take awhile. I hope everyone else is doing alright. My boy-friend and I had a great night,we watched t.v and I play checkers online,even though I did not win,I had fun. I made it through another night without doing any SI,and it is a positive thing,I just need to work on feeling good about doing positive things when I do them,instead of negative things,and I am going to work on that. I am watching a movie on t.v.,and it is good,but I do not think that I will watch it all,cause of being so tired. I am hanging in there and doing the best I can,and that is all I can do. I will be going to bed real soon,and I will be back on the bus tomorrow. I hope everyone has a great night. Just tired right now. Be back sometime tomorrow. :bcatsmile:
I am in a dark place like a turtle afraid to deal with the pain that I do not want to feel,but eventually I will slowly face my pain,like the turtle when he comes out of his shell.

To find yourself,think of yourself first.
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Candy
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Candy's Coping Thread

Post by Candy » Fri Mar 09, 2007 6:10 pm

I am keeping myself busy, I got my haircut today and that felt good to do it for myself. I got my laundry done,and the rest of the day, I am going to do what I want to do. I deserve to feel good about myself,it is hard though and I am trying very hard,I know that medications take time to work,and I have to be patience with myself.The sun is out and it helps me alot,even though it is cold outside,it does feel good. How do I forgive myself for the SI,that I have done,that is the problem that I am having right now.If anyone has any suggestions,please post it here. I have some stuff to do around the apartment and I am going to enjoy the rest of the day.I am taking it one minute at a time and that is all I can do for myself right now. My boy-friend and I are going to go to a friend's apartment to have dinner later and that will get me out the apartment. Even though it is new medicaton,it does make me tired,and I hate that,but I know that it wil pass. I am going to get some stuff done and I will be back later on.
:bcatsmile:
I am in a dark place like a turtle afraid to deal with the pain that I do not want to feel,but eventually I will slowly face my pain,like the turtle when he comes out of his shell.

To find yourself,think of yourself first.
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Candy
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Candy's Coping Thread

Post by Candy » Sat Mar 10, 2007 5:58 am

I had a pretty good evening,went to a friend's apartment for dinner and I had a great time,but before I went my mother's was getting verbally abusive to me,and it started to set me off in a panic attack,and my chest started to hurt,I could not wait till I got out of here. Then I went to another friend's apartment to help her out with her computer and her roommate started to do SI in front of me and I got soo mad,that I had to leave,I am ok right now,just going to relax and take it easy before I go to bed. I did not get everything done that I wanted to,but there is always tomorrow,like writing in my journal and doing something out of the coping box,but I did get my haircut,and went to a friend's apartment for dinner,so I had a great time,it was my mother who got on my nerves before I left,but I am ok.If I have a rough time and can not sleep,then I will come back on the bus,if not I will be back on tomorrow. I am hanging in there and taking it one minute at a time. I am going to relax tonight,and take it easy. Just hanging in there :star:
I am in a dark place like a turtle afraid to deal with the pain that I do not want to feel,but eventually I will slowly face my pain,like the turtle when he comes out of his shell.

To find yourself,think of yourself first.
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Post by angelic212 » Sat Mar 10, 2007 7:14 am

just letting you know that i read .
and that im here for you, if you need to talk to someone feel free to email me, i promise to email you back.

i m going to be up most of the night.

take care of yourself and stay safe ok?

sorry to hear that your mother was verbally abusive to you.
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Candy
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Candy's Coping Thread

Post by Candy » Sat Mar 10, 2007 3:44 pm

I am doing pretty good,even though my anxiety is still bothering me,I know that it is going to take awhile to get use to my new medications,mainly the Paxil and the Xanax,but it gets to me after while dealing with it,cause when it gets to a full panic attack,it feels so much like a heart attack and that scares me,even when I never experience a panic attack before. Today is my day,I am going to do things to help me relax and work out of my coping box, I just need sometime to myself and that is what I am going to do for myself. I plan on writing in m journal and doing things that make me feel good,cause I need that right now. I hate feeling this way and I am getting tired of this,but I have to hang in there and do the best I can.I will be writing in my journal after I get off and getting my feelings out that have been bothering me,cause I have not been writing in it for awhile and I need to do that. I did not sleep that great,but at least I got some sleep. My mother is getting on my nerves already,and I plan on staying away from her today,and take care of myself,I do not need to be treated like this and I deserve better treatment,then the verbal abuse. I am going to go write in my journal,but I will be back later to check in.I am going to take care of myself. :bcatsmile:
I am in a dark place like a turtle afraid to deal with the pain that I do not want to feel,but eventually I will slowly face my pain,like the turtle when he comes out of his shell.

To find yourself,think of yourself first.
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Candy
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Candy's Coping Thread

Post by Candy » Sat Mar 10, 2007 9:58 pm

I took a long nap,cause I did not sleep very good last night. I did write in my journal today,and I am going to be writing in it tomorrow as well. I feel bad that I did not do anything out of my coping box and I plan on doing something out of it this weekend,cause I know that when I am home alone at night,it is very hard for me,cause that is when the urges are to strong,and there is no one to call. I am just trying to cope with the anxiety and to keep that where it does not cause me any panic attacks. I have my three ring note book,where there is my coping skills that I copied of my coping thread that people have put there for me.I am going to get something to eat and then I will be going out later with my boy-friend. I am going to take it easy and I will be back later to check in :bcatsmile:
I am in a dark place like a turtle afraid to deal with the pain that I do not want to feel,but eventually I will slowly face my pain,like the turtle when he comes out of his shell.

To find yourself,think of yourself first.
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Candy
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Candy's Coping Thread

Post by Candy » Sun Mar 11, 2007 4:56 am

I am having such a rough time tonight,cause my boy-friend is in the hospital and he is real sick,and I am having such a rough time being by myself,cause he was my big support and it is scaring me,cause of the way I am feeling,cause I am use to have him around me,and he helped me alot,I just feel soo alone right now,and I know that I need the support from everyone,cause of the anxiety and the SI and I do not want to slip up,so I need some hugs right now, I am going to watch t.v and I will be back on the bus later on. Just feel so anxious right now and I miss him so much.I am going to do the best I can,but it is not easy for me,cause I am not use to my new medications. I will be back on the bus later on. I promise.I am scared and alone and I hate feeling this way. Just going to hang in there. :bcatsmile:
I am in a dark place like a turtle afraid to deal with the pain that I do not want to feel,but eventually I will slowly face my pain,like the turtle when he comes out of his shell.

To find yourself,think of yourself first.
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angelic212
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Post by angelic212 » Sun Mar 11, 2007 5:22 am

hi candy im sorry to hear about your boyfriend being in the hospital. do you know whats wrong with him? do you think maybe you could give him a call ?

why not make him a get well card?

try to distract yourself. watch a movie,, play checkers, post here, color, listen to music, maybe make a tape of your favorite songs, or a cd and listen to it. those are just options that you can use to help yourself.

you can pm me or email me if you want, i will be up most of the night watching movies, although my neck hurts for some reason but i already put on some sports cream for the pain, i will take some tylenol for the pain too, but i will be up most of the night. so feel free to email me or pm im here for you candy.

you are not alone!
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