after...again

[zombiepeople]

what had happened just before?
I was feeling really bad about my mom and step-dad being in prision

what were you thinking and feeling?
Terrible, scared wanting to see my mom

why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
I ws already feeling really bad about everything, I knew I had to go back to school the next day, and then I was watching TV and I saw someone cut themself, and I just sort of lost it.

how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw. I'm almost certain that this had been to this point for a long time, I just sort of lost control again.


were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
...The last few days I've been hoarding some of my meds in my backpack after my dad gives them to me at night. I'm off my antipsycotic med right now and I've been freaking out at school and at home, and especially last night. I don't know why I don't want to take it...

what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
Watching TV (failed miserably) LIghting candles and incence and playing with Henna ink, listening to nice music, writing, holding an icecube (which I made really bad with salt...) ...they didn't work well...


in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
I can't really think of anything cuz it was late and I couldn't have left my room and it was too late to call anyone, so I don't know what to do when it gets to that point when I can't calm myself down.

name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
I guess I could write some more, or do a craft...something quiet with my hands.

how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution? The situation still really sucks and I still feel just as bad as I did before. There isn't really a way to resolve the situation I don't think.


are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
I already knew I was going to be in this situation eventually, I just didn't know when it was going to happen, but i probably should have gotten someone before it got so late or taken my meds like I'm supposed to...


what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
I'll try to do a craft, write, and I'll try to talk to someone before it gets too late if I know I'm going to be in a bad emotional state later that night.

[syn]

It sounds like you were triggered very badly and unexpectedly while you were trying to use an alternate coping mechanism. That's really rough, and I know you are going through a hard time in general. It sounds like you have some good ideas as to what to do next time you have an urge, and I applaud you for that.