write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
- how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I will feel like I've made up for my mistakes so far and that I've gotten what I deserve.
- what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It will bring a bit of calm into my life right now at least temporarily. But it will take away how comfortable I feel around my roommate because she will probably see my wounds.
- how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to respect myself at the end of this situation and hurting myself will make me feel less respect for myself in the long run.
- if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
It will probably give me relief for the night and allow me to sleep a bit better tonight maybe. After hurting myself I will probably go to sleep.
- what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I could go to bed and just try to accept the fact that its just not possible right now for all my homework to get done perfectly. Sleep would help me deal better with the urges the rest of the week if I get enough of it. It won't change the state of my homework though. I'll probably just have to forgive myself for not being perfect and try to move on.
- how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I will feel ashamed, depressed and uncomfortable. If I go to sleep instead tonight I will feel proud of myself, uncomfortable and discouraged tomorrow about the homework.
- what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I wish I could work not eat or sleep for two days and just isolate myself in a hole and get all my homework done perfectly so I don't have to worry about it anymore. But that probably isn't a good idea so instead I think it would probably be best to just try and acknowledge that I'm frustrated right now and do my best to move on from there.
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.
More Before Questions To Answer
- Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I'm so behind in school right now that I feel like a horrible student right now with no future because I'm doing such a bad job in school right now. If I don't do well in school I'll lose my scholarship that allows me to go here and if I lose that I don't know how I'll ever get my degree because I'm already to much in debt and I can't afford to take out any more loans.
Thats why I think I need to hurt myself because its all my fault that this happened and I just feel like I'm worthless right now because I'm having such a hard time achieveing the goals I want in life.
My anxiety over class work and being at a new school along with procrastination has brought me to this point.
- Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
I have been through this before with school work and last time I called my mom to help me get through it and then I went to bed. I felt really proud of myself after I did that and a little discouraged.
- What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I'm writing about it here to try and help and after this I'm going to go and try and sleep it off.
- How do I feel right now?
Overwhelmed, frustrated, sad, lonely, worthless, incompetent and scared.
- How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
Ashamed, frustrated, irritated, sad and worked up
- How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
Depressed, ashamed, frustrated, hopeless and worked up.
- Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I can try and stay more on top of things in the future.
- Do I need to hurt myself?
No I don't need to. Its not going to change anything so there is no point. It will just get me more worked up and upset right now.
